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my husband sadly has alzheimers and is in a care home where he's been for the past 18 months. i was unable to keep him at home due to his violent behavior - even with medication. he has been more settled at the home - he doesn't want to wander off like he used to and has been less agitated. i visit him every day and even though he's declined - he's usually always thrilled to see me. whilst a regular conversation is no longer possible i always try to engage with him - bring him little 'toys' to play with or put in his pocket which he loves, or just acknowledge what he says (regardless of whether or not it makes sense) and replying in kind. however the past few weeks whilst he's initially pleased to see me - he has become incredibly agitated and violent towards me. one minute he can be calm, asking me to go with him somewhere (ie sit on the balcony), the next he will be hurling insults at me, cussing, smacking me in the face, kicking or biting me. I understand not to take this personally - it's the disease i know. I also understand he may have a UTI infection (which can affect their behavior) or he may be in some pain. None of the above appear to be the case. Plus as I said he can be very calm one minute but angry and violent the next. I'm wondering if this is because he is 'transitioning' maybe to the next phase of the disease. At times he has told me he's scared and I know he does suffer from hallucinations/delusions/confabulation. I've always tried to reassure him he's safe and never argue if he feels he's in danger or is seeing someone who clearly isn't there. I just wondered if anyone has any advice on this? He was diagnosed with Alzheimers two years ago although I suspect he had the onset of the disease a while before that. When he was diagnosed they stated he was middle to late middle stage. He is now 71 years old. I love him dearly and it's horrible to witness his decline. I just want to try and continue doing what's best for him. I appreciate any and all your comments.

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I would consult with his doctor regarding meds to lessen his agitated state. If he's doing it to you, he may do it to others at the facility. You don't want him kicked out. And you need to protect your own self. He is less and less able to bring himself into a calm state on his own, so meds may be advised. I wish you success in improving this situation and peace in your heart.
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Please DO NOT go see your husband if he's going to kick you, smack you in the face or bite you. That is abusive and violent behavior, and it's not okay, even though the man has Alzheimer's. What's best for him and for you is that you stay away until and unless his violent behavior can be controlled by a doctor/psychiatrist. Until that happens, it's not safe for you to put yourself in harm's way. Perhaps you can speak with him on the phone INSTEAD of visiting him in person, and stay safe that way.

Alzheimers and the dementias are horrible diseases. While we don't blame the sufferer for having the disease, we also have to take measures to protect OURSELVES from violence or abuse that ensues as a result of the disease. Your love for him won't change, and vice versa, just how you interact with him has to change. At least for now.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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Unfortunately, you husband is in the late stage of dementia when psychosis is more frequent. His agitation and aggressive behavior are caused by his disease. He doesn't even recognize people. Only thing to try is to contact his doctor to try to sedate him with psychotropic medicines. As much as needed. At this point any risk of side effects is superseded by the need to control his dangerous behavior.
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He may need a med change. Sometimes, after awhile, they don't work. If you being there causes him to be like this, you may havevto stop visiting as often. Its not fair to him to get this agitated. When he gets like this, leave.
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So sorry you’re both going through this storm. Your husband is blessed to have you in his corner looking out for him so well. I’d consult his doctor about the changes and ask if it’s time for meds to be reevaluated. And keep yourself safe, you’re no good to him if you’re injured or afraid. I wish you both peace
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