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My mom is 41 years old. She isn't sick or anything, but her hygiene is bad that she got infection. She said it's her right that I wash her underwear. She usually soaks her underwear in bucket for weeks in the toilet and everything will smell so bad. That is one of the reasons I don't like going to her house. Yesterday, she told me I was a wicked child and that I won't take care of her when she gets old. She says that I don't usually wash her underwear when I washed her other clothes. I noticed anytime I wash her trousers, there is this greenish stain on it that is hard to remove, please what could that be! Is it discharge due to the infection. Please help!

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Jollyrancher, it sounds like you don't live with your mom. If you did I would tell you to work as much and as hard as you can to move. If your mom in anyway helps you financially, cut that off don't take anything from her. You will owe her forever.

My mom groomed me to be her caregiver, at a young age but this is extreme.

I like to ask every 30 year old to ask there parents what they expect out of them when they get older. If they expect you to be there caregiver RUN, don't walk run!

Are friend Alva on this forum always says. You didn't ask to be born , why is it that we are expected to take care of them. A parents job, when we bare children, is to love them. It's not there childrens job to love us parents back.

Your situation is so extreme, compared to any of heard of. A true life Cinderella story.

I am actually a bit speechless and pretty discussed at a grown a$& adult treating her child like that. You should be out enjoying you life. I'm going to chime in later I need some coffee.

I will say, I'm glad you found us here, and welcome to are forum.
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Anxietynacy Jun 15, 2024
Just to ad anything green coming out of anyone's body is a sign a doctors needed, but your moms infection is my last concern, your mental health and well being is what I'm concerned with. Your mom can take care of herself. You on the other hand are in a very abusive relationship
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If your mom "isn't sick or anything" why are you having to go to her house to do her laundry? She should be doing her own laundry. And why is she soaking her underwear in a bucket for weeks? That makes absolutely no sense.
Something isn't adding up here. Do you live in a foreign country? Or are you a troll?
I'm glad that you're no longer living with her. Just make sure that you never do again, as your mom is young enough to take care of herself and do her own chores.
And if you don't like going to her house...then don't. It's as simple as that.
And that doesn't make you a bad daughter, but a smart one who knows their own boundaries.
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Adults are responsible for their own personal hygiene.

(I'll add *independant* adults - as a person may be semi-independant or fully dependant on others due to illness, disability or frailty).

Jolly, you do your Mother's laundry. Why? Do you have a sort of deal? Eg Do the housework for an allowance?
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Reporting...this is clearly not a real post. But the person who posted it is pretty twisted and needs serious mental help ASAP.
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Jollyrancher Jun 15, 2024
It's real, I can't say all these to any human around me, that would be so embarrassing.
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"That one of the reasons I don't like going to her house."
I have a feeling you maybe from a different country and English is not your first language. Here in the US we have Adult protection services that will step in. If you have anything like that, call them. Your Mom is sick if she has a discharge. And maybe some mental problems.
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Clearly you are understanding how abnormal all of this is.
Hopefully you meant that YOU are 41. not your mother. You may be dealing with both mental and physical illness if your poor mom is only 41.

I fear there is more going on here than problems with hygiene (when did all of this START?).
Your mother sounds to be failing and needs a complete physical and mental workup. ASAP.

Might I ask what the overall conditions are of her home? Is she able to cook for herself, to clean the home? Is there hoarding going on? How old are you and how old is she? Do the two of you live together? Is there other family present in the home?

Hoping to get a bit more clarity on this issue from you, and wishing you the best of luck. I think that you know that this is an issue for your mother's MD.
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sp196902 Jun 15, 2024
This is a fake post.
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What?
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Yes my mom is 41, and I'm 23 years of age . I'm a student. I grew up with my grandma before she passed, I wasn't leaving with my mom. My grandma never ask me to help her with her laundry, But I insisted. Although she will never let me go near her underwear, she told me it's a woman's personal hygiene. I only did that when she was very ill, it was then she passed. I came to my mom because someone has to take responsibility for my schooling, since my dad wouldn't do that. Ever since I've been with my mom I've been doing all house chores, for her, her husband and kid. I'm not complaining because she offers to take care of my school bills. The little money I get from work can't help me. I came to her house for a semester break and she is saying all these, that I will abandon her when she is old and sick, since I can't wash her panties now. And about the discharge from I gean, I don't know how to raise the topic to her, Not to seem like an insult because I will be going back to school next week and I don't want her to continue living that way.
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sp196902 Jun 15, 2024
I am shocked this is a real post. Your mom is both physically and mentally ill. Do you have social services or aging care services where you live? They need to be called to handle mom because she won't listen to you. Just saw she is married with another child. Wow that the husband is allowing his wife to live this way. Please back away from this and focus on your schooling. And you do not have to sacrifice your life for your mother - even more so that she didn't raise you (grandma did). She has a husband - let him take care of her.
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Get your mom into her doctors office for a full exam.
Mom is obviously ill. Maybe mentally (more than maybe) and physically.
It does sound like she picked up some notions from her mom (your grandma) and this may explain some things.

You are NOT responsible for your mother, for her care.
If there are problems this is going to be a long road for you and you should not be giving up your life. If mom has no family it may be best if her care is taken over by the state.

The fact that you mom is not a "senior" means that your contact might be limited to Social Security Disability for her.
Most Senior Service Centers have Social Workers that might help and give you starting places to contact for information and help.

Please keep us posted and if you can provide more information that might help.
Is your dad around
Or does she have a husband
does she currently work
What part of the country do you live

Oh, to answer your actual question...Are you a bad daughter...the answer is no but this may be an involved problem.
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Jollyrancher Jun 16, 2024
My grandma was my dad's mother. She goes to work, she is very hardworking when it comes to her career. We are from Nigeria. They gave birth to me when they were very young in high school. So she is no longer with my dad. She is married now to her husband. She have her family but I can't say anything about it to them not to cause embarrassment.
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The greenish color may indicate a bacteria called C. dif which can be fatal if a person is already compromised by underlying disease.
Without knowing your culture, I can't comment on her demands.
Also, while this problem continues (please get her to a Dr.) she should be wearing I disposable adult briefs.
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Jollyrancher Jun 16, 2024
Thank you for this, now that I got a name, I will do my research.
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"She isn't sick or anything..."

Ummm yes, she is sick.

People who are sound of mind don't leave their underwear for weeks in a bucket in the toilet making their house reek.

Green staining that could be coming from her rectum needs checking. As another reply stated, it could be C. diff. Contact her physician at once.
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BurntCaregiver Jun 15, 2024
@Sha

Yes, they do. Never underestimate the the level an entitled, stubborn person will take a situation to.

People also have the 'Right to Rot' is they want to. Jollyrancher has done enough for this ungrateful, entitled mother who did not even raise them has all of ZERO right to demand anything.

This OP should call APS and walk away.
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Walk away. If your mother didn't bring you up you should treat her as what she really is to you. Not a parent, not a friend. An acquaintance.

You make her understand that going to her house to help her is out of the kindness of your heart because you don't owe her a damn thing. Make sure she knows that your charity and goodwill towards her has a limit and she is very close to reaching it if she hasn't already.

Let me ask you something. Who supports your mother and pays her bills?
My guess is given her age in all likelihood she's on disability and collecting a check curtesy of the American taxpayer. Along with assistance with rent, utilities, food, and is on Medicaid.

I say this because Medicaid will pay for a home/health aide if they aren't already sending her one. This person would be the poor soul who is responsible for washing her soiled drawers, cleaning her up, taking care of her home, and running her errands.
This is not for you to do and you certainly should not be doing it.
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Jollyrancher Jun 16, 2024
She is not old, she goes to her office to work.
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Here is a link to an article about the various causes of smelly green vaginal discharge, none of them good, and all requiring a medical exam and diagnosis:

https://www.verywellhealth.com/green-vaginal-discharge-5206005#:~:text=Green%20discharge%20is%20always%20abnormal,urination%2C%20and%20signs%20of%20infection.

You're not a bad daughter. Your mother is 41 and her husband should be caring for her issues, that's if he hasn't CAUSED them 😑
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If you want to add what country you live in, it may help with specific advice.
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Jollyrancher Jun 16, 2024
Nigeria
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