Mom in memory care. Nurse called me (video call) on Mom’s GrandPad saying Mom wanted to leave. I talked to Mom for 35 minutes. She insisted she wasn’t in her room, even though I pointed to several things there (her bed, her pictures,) She wanted to go home or home with me. I said I didn’t have a place for her to sleep. Encouraged her to stay for the night because they have her medicine there. I said we were coming tomorrow to take her to church (at the retirement village where she lives.) She was argumentative and belligerent. This is the mother who emotionally abused me as a child. I feel like the nurse handed Mom off to me because she needed to do other things. Is this my job? I thought that was why she was moved to memory support. She has had two psychotic breaks and been hospitalized twice for them. I’m ill right now and don’t need this. Have 3 other siblings. I manage Mom’s finances, visit her once a week, take her to doctor appointments. We live in the same town. Feel like this wasn’t my role. Nurse should have dealt with it. Am I off base?
The nurse should not be calling you in these situations.
My mother’s MC only calls me to discuss routine medical issues, like med changes.
Maybe a call to The Director of Nursing is in order here.
If you can give 5 mins for that sort of call, give 5 mins & then wind it up. If you realise when answering if it 'one of those days' & you have 0 to give. That's ok too.
Again, if you do not wish to be called for this sort of thing, let them know, or let them know when they call you don't wish to speak to her and cannot do this, she isn't comforted by hearing from you. It makes things worse for you both. You may need to tell them that you wish to hear from them only in emergency (ie she is ill and needs to be transferred to hospital; or she is out of control and needs to go for assessment, medication assessment, or whatever) . You can work this out with the facility. Call and arrange an appointment by phone or otherwise with the administration on Monday. Wishing you the best of luck in getting this worked out. So sorry. Here she is in placement and you are still worrying and having problems. It is often the way, especially when seniors become upset in care.