amott6 Asked July 2014
Am I worrying too much?
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My friend has a bad hip and is a lot of pain. She needs to use a walker. We recently went for a CAT scan on her hip and she couldn't walk (with the walker) all the way down the hall. She had to sit on the walker and I pushed her. Unfortunately, she still drives and keeps the walker in the trunk. When she goes out alone, she must hang onto the side of the car in order to get to the trunk and lift the walker out. I worry that she'll fall while doing this and so make her pick me up so I can bring the walker to her car door. She has no family and lives alone while waiting for a vacancy at the AL facility. Am I wrong to worry so much about her?
(Since I also have to go with my husband when he must drive into the city, I am being run ragged.)
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Getting older does not illuminate the fact that you are an adult. If anyone survives a long period of time on their own, this person has to be respected for their independence.
I has seen too many well intentioned individuals take actions to deprive older adults of "what they think is bad for them" only to robe them of their dignitary and independence. Too many times resulting in a very sad and early death for the older adult.
You already have a responsibility to help your husband. That alone is an seemingly endless emotional compromise about you taking care of your husbands needs, and your own. Never forget you are responsible for the quality of your own life, your health and well-being. If you do not do that first, than you can not help anyone else.
You might think about asking your friend if there are areas that she thinks she may need some help with. If she says there are, the biggest gift you can give her is the information to find that help. Council on the aging in Shreveport is a great start.
This woman has taken care of herself without others taking care of her this long, so help her to find people she likes, can afford, can trust to do the things that will allow her to enjoy her life. If she needs help finding people, help her with that. Like anything else in life if you don't take advantage of opportunities you are offered that is your choice, and that is that.
Make the plans in your life revolve around what you need, not what you think others need. If not, than people knowing you will be writing on this blog about how you need help. That they see your care giving activities are a danger to your health and well-being, and want to know how they can change your life.
Sometimes being a good person needs to have limits.
Please look into a community transportation for the elders or disabled in your area. They are usually just oversized vans, like the ones you see at the airports. Your friend may like the light conversations with the driver and other riders.
Until two weeks ago, she could still walk with a cane. There are others who try to help her -- someone does her grocery shopping for example. The only 'public' transportation is the Sr. Citizen van and that is only available at certain times. The AL facility is in the city so can't help her here. I guess the question is: Is she in danger of falling when she tries to walk around her car by holding onto it and then trying to lift the walker out of the trunk?
She's an even higher fall risk because she can't get around without a walker.
The risk increases since she has to hang onto the car to get to her walker.
So yes, she is in danger of falling when she tries to walk around her car by holding onto it and then trying to lift the walker out of the trunk. Your friend's falling is just a matter of time.