I (30 YO) live with my grandmother (82 YO) and mother (60 YO). My mother and I moved into my grandmother’s house to help my grandmother as she gets older, but my mother has proved to be the one who needs the care. She’s a type-I diabetic who never took care of her needs, and in September 2021, she starting having issues with her feet. In January 2023, she had a below-the-knee amputation done on her right leg. She was home for three months before she could get a prosthesis, and while at home, it was tremendously difficult taking care of her. She was always having falls, wouldn’t take her medicine, etc. My grandmother and I had to constantly watch her to make sure she wouldn’t seriously hurt herself.
In June, she finally was able to go for physical rehab for her prosthesis, and she is doing okay with that, but her mental health is just seriously declining. She tells both of us she wants to die. She doesn’t take her medicine, won’t eat or drink really, and she is just basically a breathing corpse. I’m worried her uncontrolled diabetes will lead to even more health issues such as blindness, cardiovascular disease, etc. I’ve tried talking with her and getting her help, but she just doesn’t want it. Ever since my dad’s suicide five years ago, she’s been a shell of her former self.
Today, she told us she’d be open to going into a long-term facility so that we didn’t have to worry about her. She has no retirement, but she’s on SSI. She is also on Medicaid. I see that Medicaid will pay for LTC, but I’m not sure where to start.
I’m a teacher, so when school is in session, I am not home for 10 hours of the day, and with her declining mental status, I’m worried something bad will happen without my being at home. I’m beginning to think 24/7 care might be the best for her.
Thanks for all the help. It’s been tough.
I would start now with the internet. You can hire assistance in future if you need to but begin by researching "Medicaid Application for Nursing Home Care". You will find a wealth of information. Look through titles here on AC as well by going up top and looking through care topics in alphabetical order.
Be certain not to hit ad sites by concentrating on .org (non profit sites) and .gov sites, (information from the government) rather than .com sites.
Check out the Medicare/Medicaid site for the government.
Go to AARP web site as well. They currently have a volunteer hotline I cannot remember the number for that will give you a callback from volunteers in your area to recommend resource help in your area.
Ask at the doctor office.
Consider a one hour consultation with an elder law attorney, as while Mom is competent to do so you need to address what she wishes in her advanced directive. If she doesn't want dialysis in future she may decide upon hospice instead. She should know her options and make her wishes know and you two should have a POA drawn up. Should understand the duties and rights of the POA (a BIG JOB).
I wish you the best. You can only do this a day at a time and a phone call at a time, but with an aging grandmother you could at any moment end up in crisis state at any point. You should do documentation and paperwork for grandmother as well.
If there is any hospitalization for either that is often the best place to get guidance for placement from Social Workers.
Sorry you are up against this and have support. I felt so alone when my brother had his sudden descent into Lewy's, and that even tho I had a loving and dedicated partner.l
I wish you the very best.
Best of luck to you!
Does your mother have a case worker? If she does this too would be a good person to talk to.
All the suggestions everyone has made here are good suggestions.