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I'm hoping to get some answers, I'm not sure how common my mother's situation was. Me and my family are still somewhat confused as to what happened to my mother, since the doctors told her she shouldn't have been having the level of pain and suffering she was having according to the issues they found. This post does talk about suicide, just to let you know upfront. So my mother was actually totally okay with no major health issues in 2019. She had a very active life and a very active boyfriend, she was 71 and lived in a decent studio apartment right on the ocean. She liked living in that area and had her own life and her own friends. My mother was very extroverted and also loved to travel, in fact we both flew to Colorado for a vacation together in August 2019. She was also okay in May 2020, though she did complain that she kept pulling her lower back but with some heat and stretching she was able to feel normal again. I had been wanting to move to another state, to the southwest for many years (we are from the east coast), and I asked her if it was okay and she said yes, that she would actually like to spend time with me out there in the winter, so she told me to go ahead and I did. I'm not sure if it was the Covid lockdown that made her health decline, we honestly have no idea. But 5 months after I moved away she was carrying grocery packages and her wrist twisted and sprained from the weight of the packages. She got scared and called me and asked me to come home to help her (November 2020). I said I would, though with the vaccine issues and quarantining and all that, she decided she was okay and I didn't need to come home and she would let me know if she needed help. Then out of nowhere in like February 2021 she woke up super dizzy and weak. She got checked out by a few different doctors and they were saying it was fluid in her ears from allergies, and some vertigo, etc. She said her legs felt like rubber, very weak, but sometimes she got her energy back. Around this time she stopped driving, and her boyfriend (who was 72) drove her around though he said he was getting worn out. I decided to move back east and be closer to her. She wanted to stay close to the ocean, like within 15 mins drive time and I really couldn't afford a place in that area. She decided she would rather stay in her apartment since she was also having good days and enjoyed walking on the boardwalk. I moved into a townhouse in an area I could afford that was a bit of a drive but it was fine and I loved seeing her again. When I went to see her that summer, she was no longer her bubbly happy self, she was not smiling at all. When I left the year before, she was happy and joking around. Even my boyfriend noticed that she was not herself anymore. Not happy, always using alcohol disinfectant wipes, telling me I could only sit on the sofa and not her chair, insisting I wash my hands as soon as I walk in. She said she was having bad back pain and she was using Solonopas for it a lot, also her doctors starting prescribing her heavy painkillers, muscle relaxants, gabapentin. She got a steroid shot for the pain, like an epidural. It didn't work and she ended up with a bad fungus infection on her feet instead, and that took time to heal. Then she got tendenitis in her wrists and thumb and had to wear wrist wraps. She was in pain much of the time now, also bad jaw pain. All of this happened within 10 months! She was not taking her pain killers other than advil and the muscle relaxants sometimes, because she was worried about being constipated. She was also diagnosed with osteoporosis years ago, and recently diagnosed with mild spinal stenosis. I saw her once a week or every other week to help her with laundry and food shopping. Then in November a detective contacted me and came to my house to tell me she committed suicide by train. We were talking the night before about her jaw pain. I'm devastated and confused.

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To clarify further, I was also taking her to many doctors appointments, but they didn't have answers as to why she had so much pain, or why she was dizzy on the days she didn't have pain. We are all still confused and in the autopsy they couldn't find any use of drugs or painkillers. Another issue my mom started having was very low sodium levels. She went to the ER 3 times in 2021 because she didn't feel well and they took bloodwork and only came up with very low sodium levels that were right above critical. They would not admit her and told her to go home and just add more salt to her diet. So my question is, has anyone heard of something like this happening so quickly with an aging parent? Can everything suddenly start breaking down?
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So sorry for your loss. I'm sure you're in shock. Who wouldn't be? Sometimes things are really hard to diagnose. And to properly treat. Covid threw many people for a loop. Some became paranoid about the whole thing and if they were maybe having any unknown issues it could definitely add to their decline. Stress like that is really hard on a person.
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mit823 Jul 2022
Thank you. Yes, we think Covid did contribute to her decline. It's just all the pain that she started having and her health issues were multiplying so quickly. Her pain got even worse after I came home to help, and worse after she got vaccinated. I do have guilt, some things I could have done differently. I am seeing a therapist, which has helped.
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I am really sorry to hear about your mom's decline. She sounded like a wonderful and vibrant woman.

Did she start taking any medications before she took her life? Did she have covid or get the vaccines?

The only reason i ask is because sometimes medications can have unintended consequences. Suicidal tendencies are also a side effect of the flu and covid vaccines in some people.

A friend of my husbands got severe back pain after taking the covid vaccine for a few months. Not to say that is what happened to your mom since you dont say if she was vaxxed and boosted.

Some thing was obviously wrong in her body to cause all these debilitating injuries and pain in such a short period of time. I dont know that you will ever find the answer even if they did an autopsy which they probably didn't do because of the suicide.
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My condolences. My heart sank when I read this. Your dear mom sounds like she was in a panic over things and in constant pain as well. And the vertigo is hard to bear. Sounds like she was trying so hard to keep herself together. All of this must've just overwhelmed her, poor dear. I hope you are able to find the answers you need. It sounds like you two had lots of great times together. I hope all those memories provide comfort to you now.
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Oh I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful daughter. Just wondering if anybody considered Lewy body issues. I recently read that there are many bizarre symptoms with this and with Parkinson’s. This is just a shot in the dark— nobody can tell you how much pain you have to endure. It is certainly a peculiar set of symptoms and you must feel terrible when you tried so hard to help her. Did you ask for an autopsy? Take care of yourself.
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What a terrible story. I'm so sorry.

Chronic pain can be so debillitating. I had severe back problems for 14 years that just dragged me down more and more, but I didn't realize how badly until I had surgery and awoke with a complete absence of pain. It took me a long time to recover, notfrom the surgery, but from the expectation of pain in everything I did.

I would imagine that going from a vibrant, active life to one with chronic pain could be crushing. Her medications, combined with her state of mind, could have been more than she could bear.

A dear friend's sister just committed suicide after a bout with long Covid. She was an ICU nurse and no doubt caught it at work, but for months she couldn't shake the daily fever that she'd spike each afternoon and which kept her from being able to return to work. This went on for months, and then she just couldn't do it anymore. She was just exhausted.

It's impossible to know what drives some people to end it all, especially when they know they have people who love them. Those who are left behind just need to know it wasn't about them.
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