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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You accept it by coming to the realization that you did your very best and that she is now being cared for 24/7 and is safe. And you can now get back to just being her loving husband and advocate and not her 24/7 caregiver. And that is huge, so just enjoy the time you get to spend with her. May God bless and keep you both.
You accept it because you really have no choice. There are few ways for us to accept most of the tragedies of life other than walking through them because there is no way around them. You did this because you had to do it, because you could not go on in care. Not everything can be fixed and you are doing the best you can. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it and it is so very tough for men not to be able to "fix it". I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you. You are doing the very best you can.
I'm so very sorry. It is a testament to her that you miss her so much, and you're fortunate to have had such a good marriage.
I hope you can find gratitude in the fact that you found a place where she has the care she needs. Sending you hugs as you continue on this journey.....
The only real way to ‘accept’ this is to reduce the amount of time you spend thinking about it. Use the time you have ‘saved’ by filling up your own life with things that are enjoyable. Then when you visit your wife, make both of you happier by telling her the interesting things you have done.
Even if she doesn’t completely follow you, you will be focused on happiness rather than just what you both have lost.
A therapist told me two years ago I was already mourning the person Mark was as he was becoming more and more disabled called "pre-grief". We know how the person was when they were healthy and seeing them decline is terrible for everyone. There are no winners. However, if putting in care keeps her safe and they can provide care one person can't, then this needs to be considered. If it is taking a physical or mental toll on the caregiver, it is something that needs to be done.
We miss the ones we love. We miss being able to be the one to lean on and to help. You will always have some longing, but try to be nice to yourself as hard as it is.
I felt privileged to have had a great love myself with my wonderful second husband. It's been 22 years since I lost him to cancer, and I've never found anyone else. I try to tell myself how lucky I was to have such a perfect partner.
I have never stopped missing him or thinking about him every day. I try to focus on the happiness we had as much as possible. Most people never have that kind of love. Sorry you are going thru this.
You can accept it by allowing yourself to have feelings about it. You shared a life and a home with her for 63 years. Of course you're going to have grief for that part of your life together ending.
There's never a good or easy way to put a person you love into a care facility. You did what was best for her. Your'e going to have mixed feelings about it. Anyone would, but your wife still needs you. She still needs you to spend time with her. She needs you to make sure she's safe and getting good care.
“I did bring her home for 4 days at Christmas but that short time reinforced that I cannot do the caring anymore.” But you are doing the caring for her, it’s just not at home. Since 2014, I’ve been speaking to various community groups about my experience as my wife’s caregiver. I also came to the realization that I had to find my wife a new “home”. This is an excerpt from my talk.
But I promised that I would take care of her. Not some stranger in an institution. “For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part”. Was I abandoning her? Was I reneging on my vows? No. I decided that if I could find her an acceptable caring facility, one that could ensure her safety, manage her medications, and understand her illness better than I could, that, indeed, I WAS taking care of her.
So, you, too, Gazza1941, are still caring for your wife. Miss her? Certainly!! There’s no way around your loneliness. You say she’s doing well in memory care. Maybe that’s some consolation. So, visit often, hold hands, hug (touch is important), and reminisce.
See if you can find an Alzheimer/dementia support group. Sharing your story with others in the group can be very cathartic. Call the Alzheimer’s Assn hot line to see if there’s a group in your area- 800-272-3900.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Of course, you miss her. Everyone should have a husband as sweet and loving as you are!
Sending a million hugs your way!
And you can now get back to just being her loving husband and advocate and not her 24/7 caregiver. And that is huge, so just enjoy the time you get to spend with her.
May God bless and keep you both.
I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you. You are doing the very best you can.
So sorry it had to come to this for both of you.
I hope you can find gratitude in the fact that you found a place where she has the care she needs. Sending you hugs as you continue on this journey.....
Even if she doesn’t completely follow you, you will be focused on happiness rather than just what you both have lost.
We miss the ones we love. We miss being able to be the one to lean on and to help. You will always have some longing, but try to be nice to yourself as hard as it is.
I have never stopped missing him or thinking about him every day. I try to focus on the happiness we had as much as possible. Most people never have that kind of love.
Sorry you are going thru this.
There's never a good or easy way to put a person you love into a care facility. You did what was best for her. Your'e going to have mixed feelings about it. Anyone would, but your wife still needs you. She still needs you to spend time with her. She needs you to make sure she's safe and getting good care.
But I promised that I would take care of her. Not some stranger in an institution. “For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part”. Was I abandoning her? Was I reneging on my vows? No. I decided that if I could find her an acceptable caring facility, one that could ensure her safety, manage her medications, and understand her illness better than I could, that, indeed, I WAS taking care of her.
So, you, too, Gazza1941, are still caring for your wife. Miss her? Certainly!! There’s no way around your loneliness. You say she’s doing well in memory care. Maybe that’s some consolation. So, visit often, hold hands, hug (touch is important), and reminisce.
See if you can find an Alzheimer/dementia support group. Sharing your story with others in the group can be very cathartic. Call the Alzheimer’s Assn hot line to see if there’s a group in your area- 800-272-3900.