I recently moved my mom and dad into assisted living because my dad was suffering from dementia and my mom was struggling to offer the proper care. They each have their separate rooms in anticipation that my dad would need to be moved to memory care. They have only been in the community for 6 months, and I'm now told that he needs to be moved into the memory care portion of the community. Does anyone have suggestions on the best way to share this information and prepare him for the move? My mom is prepared, but the change will still be tough. Thank you in advance for suggestions.
Took her on a wheelchair walk
My son & wife moved mom’s Bed, bureau, TV & belongings
I wheeled her into her new memory care room. She loved it.
All things looked the same to her
Best Wishes for a smooth move
Above is an article with tips for you to transition your dad from AL to MC.
Best of luck to you
She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia and through webinars, videos, You Tubes, and books, she shares / shows how to communicate with a person inflicted with dementia.
I would suggest:
* Keep it simple.
* Since he has dementia (and he won't remember), you can tell him:
- you and he are going to visit one of your friends.
- Its your room - you want to know if he likes it (for you)
- a repair need in his room so going over here / there for a while until its fixed
* You want to keep him calm.
* Do not make a big deal out of it.
* He will pick up on tone of voice, your emotional state/energy
- Do smile and stay calm as you can
I wonder how your mom is prepared - it is important to know how she will interact with him, too. Perhaps you could tell him that he's visiting his wife (if he knows who she is).
You really do not know how to proceed until you are in the situation - although you need to be prepared as best you can. If it were me, I would emphasis - this is temporary until XXX AND spend time (more time) with him... introduce him to YOUR NEW FRIENDS (he may not / likely won't know they are workers).
Look at this website:
https://www.alz.org/media/cacentral/documents/professional-care-22-successful-move-to-dementia-care.pdf
In part, it says (they are using feminine pronoun):
1. Do not announce the move in advance
Avoid anticipation anxiety by not telling her that she will be moving on next month or so. Wait until it is close to the date to inform her, or even tell her only at the very moment of the move. Moving anticipation anxiety can cause extreme negative feelings that may escalate into extreme behaviors. By not giving her too
much of advance notice you will promote a calmer state of mind for the transition. Some homes provide opportunities for socialization, such as dinner parties or day center activities, prior to residency. These are great ways of initiating the adaptation process without being too obvious about the move itself.
2. Use fiblets
She does not need to know right away that this will be her new home for the long run. She may be happier in the idea that the stay is just for a short period of time (say, his room/apt is being fumigated this week). You can repeat the same information when asked again until he's used to her new surroundings. Collaborate with other visitors and the staff so everybody provides her with the same message and work together as a team to ensure a successful move.
Gena's response: I don't call it 'fiblets' (?) - you say what you need to say to keep the person calm as possible, reassuring them they are safe and loved/cared for. There is no such thing as fibbing when a person has dementia. The objective is to provide the best care possible, however you can do that.
--------------------
Look at this website: (when a person asks to 'go home' - your dad may not).
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/i-want-go-home-what-to-say-to-someone-in-dementia-care
Gena / Touch Matters
Act like he got an upgrade and you are happy for him!
I simply told him I’d gotten him a better room and he never missed a beat. His short term memory was less than a minute at this point. There was absolutely no point in discussing the move with him. I would’ve gone through the scenario every five minutes.
I did make sure that all of Dad's beloved books had space in his new room in Memory Care. The room was smaller, Dad would joke it was his "college dorm room" :)
You can explain all you want and most likely he will not retain the explanation for a long term.
If at all possible could mom have him visit the MC unit a few times so he gets used to the staff and the residents.
Tell him "mom has to go to the doctor and you can stay here for a while"
A few visits and I am sure he will adjust better to being there full time.
You tell him honestly. Do not expect that he will not exhibit grief, anger, denial, shock. This is tough stuff and it is well worth grieving and mourning.
You may request the admin to sit with you and discuss this with him, their inability to provide him with the care that he requires to keep him safe. This admin has experience in this and can make it clear that this is not an option, that his wife will be visiting, and that he will have the best care they can provide him.
Not everything can be fixed This is tough stuff. This will be painful in the extreme for all of you.