At random times during the day, I have these anxiety attacks at times. It's not when there is a crisis. Then I'm fine since there's action that needs to be taken. It's the in between times. It's the anxiety about what could happen that does it. I just find myself with a loudly beating heart and cold with fear.
The others have given good advice.
I will add my experience since it’s a little different.
My body had been sending me signals that I was ignoring.
After the deaths of my Dad, Stepdad and Maternal Grandmother within 2 years and the management of their care I was fried. But Mom was still in her home alone with Dementia after my Stepdads death. She was refusing help.
About a week before Christmas and after a heated discussion with Mom about her care or lack thereof I was driving home. I felt I couldn’t breath, my chest was tight, I felt cold but sweaty, queasy and lightheaded. I was passing the hospital. I wheeled into the chest pain center there.
I was kept overnight for observation and had a stress test the next morning. Everything checked out. I was fine but referred to my GP because of my diagnosis...STRESS.
My family physician talked to me and put me on a temporary, low dose of Lexapro. I think I took it for 6 months.
My advice would be when your body starts sending you messages that it’s on overload, listen. If you can’t get things under control yourself, see a counseler or your family physician.
Paramedics said I was ok but said I was tired and suggested warm bath. I'm an asthmatic and as of two years ago I do have diagnosis of heart disease. I'm 55. Never married, never had children. My mother easily triggers my startle responses and we live together.
Today I cheered myself up a bit imagining buying MYSELF a mother's day gift. I may even shop a mother's day card for ME.
I have not seen doctors yet to start checkup after what happened, but I talked to friends and we all agree it's a sign not to push myself so hard.
When I am overloaded with emotional stuff, or go through some stressful things with DH (he is a walking miracle, he's lived through so many things that should have killed him) I tend to ramp up the panic attacks.
I DO have an anti anxiety med to take, and I so grateful, b/c it works every single time.
Sometimes I have to back off of things and say no to people. Caring for mother is huge anxiety trigger. I spend minimal time with her. DH's health, while currently good, is rocky. He had 2 heart attacks last summer and I am still feeling 'uneven' about those. My doc said it would take a year or more for both of us to accept the 'new norm'--meaning, we wouldn't freak out over every little mis-beat of his heart.
It's easy for docs to say 'take it easy, relax, blah blah' and really HARD to do when you are having that heart pounding attack that will NOT end.
I am trying to cut down on other's expectations--starting with my family. My kids are old enough to take over the party hosting stuff. I can put myself first. (This is harder than I thought).
And I also don't ever have the attacks when the actual trauma is happening--it comes popping out in other ways--with no seeming trigger.
If this is causing you to be miserable and fearful in your daily life, talk to your doc. A low dose of Zoloft for me keeps me from being anxious and a 'as needed' benzodiazepene. Not proud of this, but glad I can handle life.
Deep breathing and mindfulness also help. Whatever works for you. Most times we cannot handle the stressors because we live with them. Gotta learn to live around them.
I think anxiety goes along with this labor of love. And I know that I stay in prayer mode most of that day and that is the only way I make it, through.
Best wishes to you, May God help you through these times.
Speaking to a good therapist. I had a great social worker that really helped me sort out feelings that I had.
Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior either, such as relatives who don’t do the caregiving or contribute in other ways. Make an excuse and hang up the phone if they call.
Some family members aren’t able to or not interested in the hands on caregiving but they could call just to offer support and they don’t. That’s a shame. I used to take those things to heart, not anymore!
My mom has anxiety. It rubs off on us. I had to learn how to let it roll off my back. We started to feed off of each other, otherwise, know what I mean? Happens with too much togetherness!
Actually do some housekeeping, eliminate any negative people who create anxiety in your life. I have had to do that with a couple of people. Ended up being liberating for me. Now they are bothering others but it not’s me anymore!
Choose to be around or speak with people who lift you up, not knock you down, commonly called, energy vampires! They will drain the life out of you and make you feel like things are much worse than they are or that they know so much more than we do. As caregivers we have enough on our plates.
Deep breathing. Soothing music or hey, loud rock music from our youth! I have such eclectic taste in music, adore jazz and blues, classic rock, soothing classical to unwind, any variety of music that is good.
Exercise! Great stress buster! I will do thirty minutes to an hour on my exercise bike. Don’t laugh but I also love chopping vegetables to make a large pot of homemade soup.
I am a coffee drinker but I find sipping hot tea very soothing. Same as a hot bath. When I get the chance I am going to schedule a massage too!
Take care, mega hugs!
I used to have anxiety attacks years ago and they were terrible. Once, we figured out what it was, I read everything I could get my hands on about it. And, then practiced relaxation methods to get me through it. I kept a small dose pill as a back up, but, never had to take more than a couple, before they went away. To me, understanding what was happening and that I was really in control of my body helped me greatly.
My mom had a fall and a head injury a couple of weeks ago. It happened between me checking on her when I got up at 5:30a and getting showered and dressed by 6:30a to take her to dialysis. She was hospitalized and I hoped they'd send her to rehab for a few weeks so she could get stronger before coming home. The first few days she was back here she was at a huge risk of a fall because she was so weak and wobbly. It's hard to sleep or do anything when you're constantly hypervigilant over someone's safety. Even if I do manage to fall asleep I usually wake up suddenly thinking I heard something happen. At this rate the stress is going to do me in.
I take a mild anti-anxiety medication too b/c it runs in my family. Deep breathing has always been a big help! I feel for you. I hope you have faith in God. I cannot make it without Christ being with me daily.
Being a caregiver is an extremely stressful job. You are making decisions for more than just yourself and holding the quality of someone else's life in your hands. And, because most of the people we are caring for are elderly, frail, have health and/or mental issues, anything can happen at any time. Not knowing when the other shoe might drop can produce anxiety in even the most laid back person, I think. Add to that many months or years of this and it will finally reach a point where anxiety is your body's way of saying "time out".
This forum is excellent for finding others who are experiencing similar things. I've found that most of the people in my life don't understand the anxiety and think I can just get over it. But here, there are many of us who know exactly what you are talking about and it definitely helps not to feel like you're alone. And there are always many good suggestions on how to cope. I wish you all the best in finding a good solution for yourself - and if you do, please also share it with us.
I went for cognitive training and one thing I learned that has helped me when I start to feel one coming on is focus on something if you can. Anything. Look at something totally unrelated to you and concentrate on it. Like, oh look at the cloud, the shape of it, what does it look like. I know it sounds dumb but I find it works. Plus knowing that in the past when I've had one that I didn't die and remembering that cause when you are in the midst of one that is what makes it spiral out of control. So just remind yourself that you won't die. You didn't last time.
May I share something that my dear MIL once shared with me? Her mom was riddled with anxiety but 99 % of what she worried about never happened! That put it in perspective for me when she told me how miserable her mother made herself and others around her with her chronic worrying.
Save your worry or concern for legitimate issues. For instance, when my teenager totaled the car and was in the ER covered in blood! Poor kid, just an accident. She wasn’t driving recklessly, just inexperienced. Then I was very worried! But that’s a genuine concern.
She was unconscious and when she came to, she looked up at me and said that she was sorry about my car. I told her I didn’t care about the car and that I only wanted her to be okay. A car can be replaced, she couldn’t have been replaced. Thank God she wasn’t killed. She suffered injuries and has back issues but she’s alive! Other stuff usually isn’t as bad as we think it is and doesn’t deserve that much focusing on.
I sometimes overreact like everyone else. We all do! No one is perfect. But I remind myself constantly of her very wise words.
Take care and many hugs!
she does this every so often, if she thinks someone has “done her wrong”. Or rather, she perceives someone has slighted her, in her opinion.....
she has had depression and anxiety most of her life i think, undiagnosed for sure, because “ she” isnt the one with the problem..... me, my sister, and everyone else is. One time i was trying to get her to speak with her dr about depression and she literally screamed at me in the most sarcastic voice, “well just what do i have to be depressed about??” I mean it came out as a hissing noise....well i just shut my mouth and walked away saying “nothing, mom, absolutely nothing.”
what else can you do???? I live in the same apt complex so i see mom every day, drive her and her friend everywhere, help them whenevr they need it, cook meals for them, clean their apts, take them grocery shopping, anything i can do to help. But she calls my sister and tells her i spend ALL my time at the pool with my 2 friends....sis says moms jealous of them. That was a real eye opener!!!! Guess we need to keep an open mind and laugh a lot and breathe deep, when it comes to caregiving......blessings to all who are walking this journey 💖 Liz
I cared for her 3 days/nights a week and asked for nothing while I was injured and away from work. Now, she has a different person every day and night and the so-called accredited agency has been less than responsive. The owner who gave me his card said to call if I ever have ANY concerns. I call him once, and he has his assistant call me back. Disgraceful. I will never recommend these types of agencies that just stay in business off the backs of others.
Taking care of a loved one is the most rewarding experience in life. Ask yourself why everyone is always in a rush to have kids.
I totally agree. So many people are hooked! Those drugs are extremely addictive. I think everyone knows at least one person that ended up in rehab. Addiction happens very quickly for some people and they don’t realize it until they try to get off of the drugs. Even taking them as prescribed by the doctor. Very sad.
People never think it will happen to them. Thanks for posting a realistic warning about benzodiazepines.
This answer surprised me coming from a nurse. Nurses are awesome! Very knowledgeable with tons of experience. Calm and organized to do a very challenging job! Guess I never thought of nurses falling apart like the rest of us do at times. Nurses are the ones who beautifully care and comfort others.