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If makes sense your purpose (your dad) for living where you are is now gone. He has activities to keep him occupied in the facility. You are estranged from your brother.

I can imagine it must be lonely for you now.

There is a bit of grief too becauses everything is changing but you are kind of stuck right now.

Not wanting to leave because who knows how much time dad has left but feeling rudderless as you navigate this new normal.

The only solution is to find a new life's purpose to get you moving on with your life since much of your time and thoughts these past years have been about dad.
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lisatrevor May 2023
Yes. I knew my father was very important to me, obviously, but I didn't realize that there is another reality, it's like a spirituality, and that only became known to me in the last few months. Maybe others know what I mean by this?

A long time ago I read an excerpt by the American writer Ralph Waldo Emerson who said something to the effect that close relationship endings seem so tragic but then you realize in the future that that time marked a momement of great change for you - a change that needed to come to break up the old and bring in the new. My goodness do I understand that now!
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"You can't just move to the UK, you need a visa, unless you want to stay on as an illegal immigrant."

US citizens can stay legally i the UK without a visa for up to 6 months. This includes for tourism purposes. It is true however if I make the UK my "home" then I need a visa. Right now I just want to get on the plane and after 6 months if it works for me I will look into the visa. Otherwise staying for 6 months at a time is quite nice, particularly from May through October. Contrary to what many people think, in the summer months the UK has a climate like Northern California with a high about 70F, low 60F, low humidity and little rain! Oh, and loooong daylight, like it gets dark at 10:30-11 pm in June!
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ventingisback May 2023
That's right, if you consider living there 6 months, "living there". It won't be easy to rent a place in one country, then rent in another country, back and forth. (Basically, fiscally-speaking, living somewhere means 183 days, slightly more than 6 months.)

One thing is theory, imagination, fantasy of how that life can be. Another thing is reality.

Try to be the best friend you can be to others.
(Like for your sick friend, in their time of need).
Then friendship will come back to you. Loneliness will go away.
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Lisa, I have to agree, therapy may help you. You need to just except you will never have a relationship with your brother. Dad may not be here much longer. Can u stick it out till then? Then leave.
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Lisa Im in the same situation..but .my mom is in hospice and my brother is emotionally and verbally abusve and has refused to help , even with any aspect of visiting or calling her, even when she has been in AL..and now hospice ...I have a spouse who just sees the situation as a 92 year old woman who has lived a long life and it is her time to die. So no warm fuzzies there. Do you have a church affiliation? I have found my best supportive friends through womens group at church..or perhaps a hobby that you can seek out others with the same interests? I am an avid crossstitcher who designs my own large artwork pieces ..this brings me both joy and therapy . Or a class in the local college..even if for fun..something you have always wanted to learn to do? Try not to isolate too much..even if you get out to see a movie or enjoy a good meal..please take care of yourself so you can be strong for dad .hugs and best of luck..
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LIsa, I think was you are facing is realizing that your father is at the end of his life and that your brother isn't a nice person.

Its a tough situation to be in.

I have a friend who is in her mid 70s. She is divorced and completely estranged from her son and on very strained terms with her daughter.

She recently lost her mom (she was 101!) and realized that she needed to go into therapy to learn how to better roll with/deal with/weather these issues and not be overwhelmed by them.

I think therapy could be a useful tool for you.
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I think it's time for you to get some serious therapy, your issues need a qualified professional to help you, I, for one, am not equipped to deal with all of your mental problems.

I wish you the very best,
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You were originally planning to move to another country, where you know absolutely no one. Good thing you didn't move, if you already feel lonely now, being in the same place. I hope you can soon make new friends.

Lisatrevor, it's hard to take you seriously: because, it does seem like many times in past posts, you pulled our legs about various things.
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lisatrevor May 2023
No. I didn't "pull anyone's legs". I was planning to move to another country because the environment, such as in the UK, makes me feel much better, even though I would be alone. It's not any one thing; it's the combination of climate, culture of the people, setting (I would live on the east coast), cuisine (I like English cuisine), excellent public transportation, etc.. By the way, it will cost me less, even factoring in airfare, to live there then where I live now and most places in the US that would be beneficial to me, which are few.

I have lived in this region before so I am sure of how I feel. But now it's so difficult to leave my father! I may just leave or not. I'm really stuck in a bad position right now. I will seek out professional help next week. Thank you to everyone who replied, helpful or not (I am open to criticism).
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