Anyone have a young family member with schizophrenia?

Hi OP,

I'm sorry you have the situation with the granddaughter.

I have a nephew with Schitzophrenia, which was almost certainly triggered by excessive drugs, particularly a great deal of weed, from teens through to the major breakdown in mid to late 20s. He stood in the middle of a busy intersection attempting to direct the traffic. It’s worth checking carefully for drugs and alcohol.

This is not another question - just another posting.

Many thanks to all of you who have responded. I can't reply to all, though I wish I could. All of you have given sweet, loving responses and also good advice, and I can't thank you enough. I will tell my daughter about some of the things that were suggested.

Beatty mentioned that her LO with schizophrenia was a premature infant. My granddaughter, Mady, was also a preemie born at 28 weeks. My daughter's previous pregnancies were full term and we never knew why this particular baby came so early. The OB put my daughter in the hospital and drugs were given in an effort to hold off delivery, but it didn't work.

Mady was in the NICU for about 2 months. She endured 2 surgeries. Eventually she was sent home on oxygen, an apnea monitor, and a feeding tube since she had trouble holding food down. It was a horrendous time with so much worry and stress.

As time passed, we could tell that Mady wasn't meeting her milestones and had speech delays. She received a lot of therapies and it really helped. She can speak normally and if you met her, you wouldn't guess that she ever needed ST, PT, and OT when she was an infant.

She does, however, have some cognitive impairment, and she has always struggled with school work. She wasn't able to graduate high school and this gave her great sadness. She wanted to get a GED through study and online testing at home. She has passed 1 of 4 required and was having a tough time passing the next course when this happened. I've periodically wondered if the stress of trying to get the GED could have caused this, but who knows.

Mady has two older sibs, ages 20 and 22. She sees her older sibs working, taking college courses, and dating. She compares herself to them and it grieves her. Her sibs love her very much and do a lot of activities with her when they can.

She has periodically had psychotherapy in the past but now has it twice a week. Even though Mady has had a difficult time, she has otherwise been a happy child with a lot of artistic abilities, writes beautifully, loves to help cook, take care of the pets, and help with yard work. She has her own vegetable garden when the weather is warm. She is very affectionate and loving.

I've seen a little improvement on the latest meds and I pray it continues.

I've been spending a lot of time helping my daughter. I do whatever I can for her. I ask her what she needs and respond accordingly. I let my daughter talk, cry on my shoulder, run errands for her, and help her at home. Sometimes she just wants me to take Mady for a special treat or to let her spend the night with us. My husband and I love doing that.

We try to do the same thing with our other grandchildren so that they won't feel left out. We have three beautiful children and seven grandchildren. We are very blessed to have them all.

It's a different type of caregiving, but it's caregiving that I love doing. I've never minded doing everything I can for our children and grandchildren. And I'm sure most of you feel the same way about your own families.

Hugs and love. Again, I so appreciate all of you. Prayers for you precious people.

Our sweet neighbor’s son has schizophrenia. He’s in his mid 30’s and was diagnosed like many in his late teens. They have pursued a plethora of treatment options and meds. He has periods of great stability where he does well. They’ve tried a number of times for him to work but it’s never been sustained for long, as the periods of instability take over periodically and make it impossible. He cuts grass for several neighbors and does odd jobs with his mostly retired dad. He’s highly intelligent and during the good times enjoys conversations on any number of topics. During the unstable times, he isolates and will only communicate by writing notes. He’s become very combative at times. About twice a year he calls 911 and though the first responders are very familiar with him and their address, they must respond and the lights and sirens come blazing. They soon leave, after ensuring things are safe. Our neighbors have told us that over the years it’s caused some tension with their two other adult children at times, as they witness the time and attention this takes from mom and dad. They are fully committed to doing their best for him and are active in the local mental illness support group. I’d encourage your family to find one in your area as well.

I feel like a lot of the post here are on the negative side. Yes, this is hard, and scary for all of you. But many people with mental conditions lead a productive life.

My sister is Bi-Polor, Schizophrenia with OCD tendencies. She does not take her meds as prescribed and does illegal drugs along with smoking pot. She does go to the dr but the only reason is too pick up her pills. She never likes the dr. Always plays the victim and cannot keep a job. She will get a job and then either quit in a day or two or get fired. I am not around her that much because I live out of state but when I do drive over to see momma I might run into her. Last time I saw her it was hard to have a normal conversation with her and she goes from talking like a real person of 66 years old to a 12 year old. She has always been like this. I feel sorry for her but I am the primary caregiver for my 89 year old momma and taking care of her is a handful and more. I think she is a passive aggresive narcissist.

Not a young family member, but my ex-husband was finally given a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder in 2020. We married at 20. By 25 his behavior was manic, but I knew nothing of mental illness so I couldn't wrap my head around why his behavior was so bizarre. I ended up having to commit him and he was given the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. He was involved in a incident that to this day I still do not know the truth of what fully happened, but it left him with a traumatic brain injury which prolonged his diagnosis. We divorced at 27 and at 35 he finally was given a proper diagnosis schizoaffective disorder.

He is inconsistent with most things in his life. He won't take medicine, just wants to smoke weed all day. He won't go to therapy and he is very impulsive. He is paranoid with certain things, but also somewhat aware of when he is about to go manic (I say this loosely).

I'm so sorry you are going through this. If she has a good support system (sounds like she does) and will take her meds and go to therapy regularly she can live a normal life. It may take a while for her to be regulated though. I'll be praying for you all! Hang in there and don't let your mom or anyone else burden you. It sounds like you have your priorities straight, the rest will figure itself out.

I think it’s pretty unanimous here, grandkid in crisis and her family has priority over stable but complaining elder.

As a side note, you may want to look into the work of Chris Palmer, MD, of Harvard Medical School and McLean Psychiatric Hospital. He is currently investigating treating psychiatric illness as a metabolic disease, and apparently has had some encouraging success with his own patients. His book for the general public is called Brain Energy and I found it quite interesting. (And he is definitely not anti-meds or making extravagant claims that his approach is a cure-all, etc.)

Best to you and your family!

My step daughter, 32, is bipolar. She's impossible to deal with and constantly plays the Victim, so she's not talking to most family members because we've "wronged" her somehow. The key is this: she refuses to take her medication and therefore, stays mad and upset 95% of the time.

My childhood BFFs son, 38, is schizophrenic. Diagnosed in his late teens. He's fine if he stays on his medication, and disengaged with his wife and daughter if he refuses, which is 99% of the time. He disassociates from others and lives in his own world, a solitary soul who drives a semi for a living.

My ex husband of 22 was finally diagnosed schizotypal a few years after we divorced and he lost everything. He refused to get diagnosed or take medication for his erratic behavior, so I chose to cut the cord with him. Nowadays he takes all sorts of meds and is somewhat more functional as a result.

My mother lived to 95 and refused to ever see a doctor for what I believe was her Borderline Personality disorder and horrendous fears and anxiety. Dad and I had a helluva time dealing with her for decades, especially after the dementia set in.

The common thread with all of my examples is the refusal to see therapists, psychiatrists, take necessary medications and to instead live in denial, which is not just a river in Egypt.

Mental health issues are common among human beings. Just as medical conditions are. People are 90% more likely to seek and follow medical advice than mental health advice. There is STILL a stigma attached to it, unfortunately.

Make your daughter and more importantly, your granddaughter feel loved and not judged, and not that GD is afflicted with such a horrible and heartbreaking illness. She just has to do A, B, C, and D to live a normal life, similar to a type 1 diabetic who has to test her blood sugar several times a day, use insulin, and eat a healthy diet. A diabetic doesn't question that regimen; it's what must be done to stay alive and healthy. Your GD will learn what SHE must do to stay healthy and happy as well, and the routine will smooth out in time.

We all have a cross or 2 to bear in life, and once we accept the challenge, we're golden. It's when we fight and rage against the moon and cry WHY ME? that things get really hard. Accept what is and move forward, together as a family.

Your priorities are straight.....mother can fly a kite right now. I had many incidents where I had to put my mother, the drama queen, on the back burner while I went out to slay dragons myself. Otherwise, she'd have ADDED an enormous load to my already overburdened shoulders.

Best of luck to you.

I have a nephew suffering from schizophrenia, and yes, it's absolutely heartbreaking. His parents split when he was young, his dad went off and started a new family, his mom struggles to make ends meet -- it's always been a lot.

I'm not sure when his illness started, but I'd guess it was around the same age as your granddaughter. (He's 25 now.) His mom couldn't get him the real help he needed and his dad who could wouldn't get involved enough in his life to be of much use.

Surprisingly, he finally got help after getting arrested and being sentenced to a mental health facility. He had to spend two years in that place in a terrible part of town with a lot of people far worse off than he was, but he finally got on the right medications and he's like a new kid now. He just got out last October, and he's as right as rain mentally. He's back living with his mom, which isn't the best situation for him, but he's able to get a job and function just fine as long as he stays on his meds.

It's sad, scary, and heartbreaking, but there is hope for your granddaughter to be a fully functioning member of society. The key is to stay on the meds even when she feels fine.

The theory is when they are transitioning from childhood Into adolescence the Hormones are triggering the Nuerotransmitters and different parts of the brain are Not connecting or developed so there is a Misfiring of Information . Some Of the Younger People that Frontal brain area hasn't quite developed . This is a Popular theory . I Can Private Message you some More information .

That is very sad to witness in a child so Young . No One really Knows where schizophrenia comes from ? Different theories - too Much Dopamine , the gene is Inherited - could be Bi-Polar or both schizophrenia and Bi- Polar . I would suggest reading up On her Illness and then supporting her artistic talents and endeavors . I had 2 brothers who came down with this iIlness at 16 and 19 . Knowing what I Know Now I would encourage acupuncture treatments - That is a healing space for the Mind , exercise such as swimming , Body massages Like Shiatsu , study Reiki . Sometimes holistic treatments can really help and If Not for the grand child the Mother . Eating healthy - Organic , brain foods such as fish , avocados , walnuts . Listen to her delusions and paranoia with Out Judgement . Go for long walks in nature . The best thing to do Is be her best friend and Listen . Wishing her healing and Happiness .

So sorry about your granddaughter. This is a very hard thing for her and the family.

I am also glad you told your mother how it is. I feel the same way. There are others in my family who have more pressing needs and require more help than my mother who is in a NH. All she does is complain about whatever it is she needs to complain about that day.

I had to cut my one month visit with my parents short because my 44 yo son in law decided he wants to recreate his life as a college frat boy and so he picked up and left his wife and four children two weeks ago. I had to fly back to pick my daughter off the floor and help a 7 and 9 year old deal with the trauma of his sudden departure.

So I had to tell my mother that I needed to go and that was that. She had her life. My granddaughters' well being is more important than my mother's issues.

My son, was diagnosed bipolar. It was rough , very to rough. Look back his Acting out I should of seen signs. Mental health was not near as good then as it is now. And I made a lot of mistakes. Acting out as a teen. He even actually burnt an abandoned mill down.

End all be all, he became a beautiful human, beautiful family, and a great job in the mental health field. It made him who is is today.

Love her, get the help she needs and her problems may very well help others someday

You won't change your Mom and happily you are SMART ENOUGH with good enough boundaries set in place to keep telling her what she needs to hear.

As to the diagnosis of your granddaughter? I have in my family a likewise just beautiful step-granddaughter who is bipolar. If you have good medical help that is a blessing. If she will keep on her meds that will be a blessing. But the world of mental health is notoriously tough to negotiate and there is really no such thing as getting good guardianship in place.

This is a tragedy. You all in the family already know this. And the impact will be ongoing. Some do better than others, but challenges will persist and I can only recommend a REALLY GOOD support group if you can find one. With these beautiful children of ours, thusly beset, the tendency to self medicate--I will be blunt here in saying drugs and alcohol--is very very seductive, and if it happens the complications go up exponentially.

Trust me, you are not alone. You didn't cause this, you can't fix it, and the world of mental health will be iffy and will throw out more diagnoses and ideas for expensive treatments than you can begin to imagine. It's an awful place to be stuck in. I am terribly terribly sorry.

Laura, welcome back. I'm so sorry about your granddaughter. One of my young grandson's has mental health issues, so I understand both the sadness and the feelings of helplessness.

As to "mom", please go back and read some of your posts from November and December. I'm not sure why you accept phone calls from her. What a piece of work!

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Heartbreaking situation.