I'm not even sure if I'm in the right group for this, but I can really use some advice. Very long story short is I have a friend who is 74 years old who has cancer and is showing early signs of Alzheimer's or dementia. She lives in Tennessee and I'm in New Jersey and I send her food in the mail (which gets expensive after a while) because she can't walk to the store. Currently she is on social services but most of her money goes to rent. The so call friends she has steal from her. Has anyone ever had to move someone from one state to another and get them set up in a place of their own? I don't even know where to start and unfortunately she can't live with me because I live with my mother. Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you.
You want to move her to New Jersey and have her go on social services. Does she want to move to NJ?
You could look up “Area Agency on Aging in your county, New Jersey” and see what services she might qualify for. All states or even counties within the state are not the same.
The services she receives may actually be better where she is.
For housing there is usually a wait list. It sounds like your friend already has a house. If you search online you might find what portion of the persons income is taken for housing in both states and how that compares.
Then the medical care would need to be established. IDs for the new state. Medical insurance transferred.
I assume she doesn’t drive as you mentioned walking to the store so no car to deal with. But she has found a way to appointments so transportation would need to be located in NJ.
Did you intend to become her caregiver?
Can she afford to fly to NJ?
If she is being abused where she is, you could contact the APS and ask they investigate. Again, there may be a wait.
She might be able to receive meals on wheels in her area for food. They are sometimes free if the person isn’t able to pay the very minimal charge.
Since she is already on social services in her area, she should discuss with her case worker and her doctor her situation and under what circumstances she would be eligible for a NH.
Perhaps you could call the social worker with friends permission and tell her of your concerns regarding the dementia.
I have a friend who is in the process of moving her sister from one state to the other. She has a mental condition but her circumstances are different. It has been very difficult and most of the things I asked you about haven’t been done yet for her sister. She is three months into it already. You are a good friend.
I am 72 and for the last 13 yrs have been thru the red tape of helping my nephew. Still am responsible for his yearly Medicaid recertification. I would not go thru this again. Really, what are you going to do if she gets here and there is no help to be given.
You need to call Adult Protection (APS) in her County and ask them to do a well check on a vulnerable Senior. Explain the situation. If she has no family, the State may need to step in and take over her care. They are able to get her the resources she needs faster than you can. If you do this, you will be taking on a large responsibility.
I doubt you have POA and with Dementia she cannot assign you. Without POA it will be very hard to help her. The other option is Guardianship but that is very expensive.
If your friend can not independently arrange her own care (with just a little support) she will need adequate support services involved. This may include legal matters, supportive decision making or more. If she is being taken advantage of, or lack insight to her situation, calling APS to report an vulnerable adult may be needed.
It is kind to want to help. But setting your friend up to live alone if they can't won't really help them in the longer term.
Others have given you many aspects to consider. Only you know what you are capable of managing. Your friend is lucky to have you in her life, whether or not she is able to move.
I would try to get a consultation with a couple of elder law attorneys in NJ to see if this is going to turn into a huge quagmire. Will you be able to get POA? You’ll need it if you’re helping her with her affairs—probably admission to AL, doctors, etc. An investigation by the TN Adult Protective Services could lead to an evaluation by a doctor. She might not be of sound mind to sign POA papers. At that point guardianship would be the next, very expensive, step. She might be better off going to an AL facility there.
I would also call Adult Protective Services in NJ. Explain what’s happening to her and would they have suggestions about settling her in NJ. Also contact your local Area Agency on Aging for assistance.
Yes, I got my brother into assisted living from out of state. I live in MT and he’s in NW Indiana. When he showed signs of significant memory problems I had to contact social services to set him up for food stamps and Medicaid. I found the website and applied after I became an Authorized Representative so I could take care of all the paperwork. I think the office called him while I was on the phone to get his okay. (Would your friend be of sound enough mind to respond properly?)
An elder law law attorney had recommended an excellent Assisted living facility that had apartments for folks on Medicaid. Some facilities accept people on Medicaid, others don’t. With my brother most of his social security went to his apartment and care at AL. Then he qualified for a Medicaid waiver that paid the balance of what the AL was willing to settle for. Don’t write AL off completely. Several hoops to jump through but definitely worth it. Shop around. A family member had to tour the place prior to admission. Ultimately I went to IN to clear his apartment out and get him into AL. I started the process here at home and finished all the paperwork, payment and moving in IN.
Do a lot of information digging in both states and find out what you can and cannot do and what would be the best way you can help her. Go online and make phone calls. Expect to need a lot of documents and paperwork if you go forward with moving her.
She needs an immediate intervention and it should be done in her home town.
Before I mailed anymore food, which you are right, it is expensive to ship stuff, I would contact meals on wheels or the local council on aging and get her set up with meal delivery from a service that provides meals to low income, physically challenged seniors. I deliver these from mobile meals and it is great food. 2 meals, 5 days weekly delivered right to the kitchen. Payment is anywhere from 5.00 to 40.00 weekly, depending on her income, it could be a free service if she qualifies.
Moving your friend close would be great for you, for a short time. You would end up drained because you would be her everything. That is not a situation that you want to be in. You would feel obligated because you helped her get there.
Does she have the money and ability to actually move? Because public assistance will not pay for or facilitate a move, this would be squarely on her and quite frankly, if she has the money to do this, why isn't she ordering her own groceries?