I have been taking care of my mother with ongoing health issues for about three years. Prior to that, she had no serious need for special care. She began with health issues in 2013 with having a pulmonary embolism. Then she had several episodes of delirium caused by UTIs. She had been in nursing homes three times and is now at home getting care by me and CNAs that come to the house five days a week. She recently was told by a doctor that she had several mini strokes two years ago and also has Parkinson's. She needs help with mobility limitations which I and my brother help her with. She is often depressed and frightened. She is so frightened she wants me to be there with her 100% (not kidding) of the time when I am not at work or running errands. As soon as I come in the house, she is calling me into her room. I know this sounds selfish but I feel like I have no life and no freedom any more. I only see my boyfriend who lives about 15 miles from me for maybe 2-3 hours a week. I live with my mother and my brother. I want to be able to care for my mother but she wants me there all of the time. She also calls me a lot every day while I am at work. I try to be helpful and supportive most of the time but sometimes I just don't answer the phone and she can call repeatedly. She has severe vertigo and has developed a fear of death and obsesses about it. She used to say to trust God and give your troubles to God and now is afraid that when you die, there is nothing. She has been a hardworking and supportive loving parent. It's not like she was an abusive person in her youth and I want to take care of her but there is never any break. Sometimes I lose it and yell like I did today. I just wanted to go to my own space and be left alone. Even if I can go to my own space she starts calling me on the phone over and over so I don't feel like I got to be alone. I feel guilty yelling at an elderly scared person. Much of the time I am supportive and caring but I think I am hitting burn out or don't know how to balance my needs with hers. I do not want to put her into a nursing home. She is getting care at home through a PA waiver program plus nurses, PTs, OTs come to the house. When she is in a nursing home, she gets worse. I figure a nursing home is for when the person is very very ill.
You're going to be moving further away from your mother's home. You have made it clear in advance that when that happens you will not be taking part in the mother-visiting rota that the youngest sister seems to have devised for her own reasons. Your mother will be fine. Your sister doesn't have a say. So, repeat, what's the problem that you need to discuss with the facility?
But what do you think are your sister's reasons? Guilt? Fear that mother might feel abandoned if one of you isn't there? If you know why she's overcompensating to this extent, perhaps you can help her adjust to your mother's being in residential care and develop a more proportionate approach to caring for her.
http://www.hhs.state.tx.us/
Good Luck and God Bless
You have every right to get tired of the "no life" complaint. The caregiver is personally responsible to construct some meaning and satisfaction from their life, because no one else can do it. But.
The primary purpose of this website is to allow caregivers to whine, whinge, complain, and bellyache about how their lives suck without being guilted. So everybody but Rico should continue to let it all hang out, because our lives suck too, and we understand.
And thanks to all for sharing your thoughts and experiences