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Money may not be "everything" but it sure is an important and necessary consideration especially when you have to care for another person with a disability. So! Take a look at the situation: When does he make these moves? I would not outright tell his wife of his advances, but perhaps allude to the fact you feel uncomfortable being alone in his presence. Try to have someone there with you at all times. You son perhaps? Chances are this guy thinks he can take advantage of you because of your limited finances which limits a lot - like hotel rooms, quitting a good paying job, having a car, etc. Get very professional with him - always with a smile and tell him you do not appreciate his advances, find them awkward, especially coming from a married man. I liked the uniform idea. Get something that looks nice but is modest - get 2 or 3 of the same conservative outfit and wear it every day. Put your hair up or wear a scarf. If you want this job and it sounds like you both need and want it, you have to take control and put an end to this "silliness" of his....and TELL HIM SO!
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If he doesn't have dementia, then this is sexual harassment in the workplace. He's 94, so I'm sure he's operated like this all his life. Wife probably looks the other way.
Sometimes it's possible to take action ONCE, and establish that you won't tolerate the b.s. Sometimes it becomes a back and forth nonstop battle. If you think you can exert enough assertive energy (as Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer says!), then tell him with complete seriousness, that you'll call his dr. Immediately for a neuro/psych eval, because he's exhibiting signs of dementia. Say it with complete conviction, to his face--don't sugarcoat it or soften your voice. I think with an ego as big as his, he'll be flabbergasted. And maybe he'll stop. Maybe your job won't last much longer. I think it's worth trying though. At the very least, you will have stood up for yourself, and that skill will carry you farther in life than anything else. Good luck!
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Hi Sweetwitch. I’m going to wax philosophical on you.
There comes a time when we have to stop running. Otherwise, the same problem keeps coming back to us in one form or another.
This is your opportunity for inner growth. Is there a pattern in your life of being bullied? The bullies will keep coming at you, until you learn to stand up to them.
I’m not talking about fighting. And I’m not talking about pushing them away with negative energy. Negativity (fear, anger, feelings of desperation) attracts negative energy. You counter obstacles with positive energy: self esteem, strength, compassion toward yourself and others.
Channel your inner nanny. What would Mary Poppins or the Supernanny do? Both are loving characters, but no one bullies them. You can be strong and loving at the same time. Humor is a great healer. Use it to your advantage, internally when you need it, and outwardly when you can.
There is the possibility that your patient is feeling his mortality and is scared, and acts out his fear in inappropriate ways. Then again, he might be laughing death in the face. But if he needs a penis pump, well, ED is a traumatic event to men. Artificial means of acquiring an erection aren’t the same as healthy natural sexuality. ED is a symptom of cardiovascular problems (to include circulation), and circulation is important for the brain. At his age, I’d imagine he at least is undergoing cognitive decline.
Just as an FYI: With dementia (including the hippocampus-sparing kind), sometimes the “ID” comes out. A small man might exhibit the worst of the small-man’s complex. A sexually repressed man might become, or try to be, overly sexual. Who your patient was in his youth, and who is now, might not be the same (or perhaps, different layers of the individual may be emerging).
Lack of dietary fat can affect the mind and mood. Perhaps you are prohibited from giving your patient dietary fats. But make sure you are getting them! Put a tablespoon of coconut oil on your oatmeal or toast. Eat raw nuts. Replace margarine with pure natural butter. You need your mood and mind strong to take on challenges. (Plus, raising the fats and lowering the carbohydrates can help with weight loss.)
Lastly, look up the ketogenic diet. I’m not saying you have to go “keto.” But you can learn about the benefits of good fats. YouTube has some great info on it. Check out Drs. Jeff Volek, Stephen Phinney, and Eric Westman on YouTube.
Walk in beauty,
Lilacalani
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You know, we are all assuming the wife knows, but she may not. I mean she might be wondering why on earth she can't keep good help. And medical attention for this behavior could actually change things. It does not sound tolerable and the reality is if the person is cognitive enough and you keep refusing, they could turn around and accuse you of impropriety just to get even or to get another chance to ft someone willing to put up with it.
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You know, perhaps the undesirable effects of some SSRI antidepressants (such as prozac) diminish sexual drive........?
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Unless you want to be a prostitute, find another job. You will have peace of mind without giving out one piece! Tell his wife anyway. If she has been married to him long enough she has "divorce" options taking one-half or more of that money. As a doctor he knows better and threaten him with a harassment suit for physically touching you. Ultimately my dear, only you know how you feel and how much of this abuse (yes abuse) you can take.
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According to this post (https://www.agingcare.com/questions/moving-to-assisted-living-facility-141370.htm) she has a sister as well as a mother who apparently is living at home. Perhaps she moved in with them.

Regardless, I would like to get an update from her to see how she handled the situation and what the outcome was.
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Despite being a good link, when testing I cannot get to the link I just posted.

Trying again.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/moving-to-assisted-living-facility-141370.htm
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Sweetwitch, curious what did you decide to do regarding this work situation.
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$180 for 24 hours is only $7.50 per hour. Your disabled son should be getting SSDI. You could be collecting on your husband's SS and still earn some money to make ends meet. That would be a whole lot healthier than what you are doing now. If I were you I would resign in writing and state why. I just wish there was some way you could alert the next victim.
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