I have two brothers. They are threatening to sue me. I was POA for our mom till her death. I was on her checking account as Pay on Death to me. There is a trust involved. I am Trustee now that she passed.
I was the only child to look after my parents as they faded. The brothers never showed up - not one time. For 7 years, I stayed by their sides as they declined and passed away.
I held on to the Trust funds until I was sure all bills and creditors had been satisfied. Everything seemed fine with my brothers. Then I distributed the bulk of the Trust per the directives from my parents. 1/3 each child.
Now, the brothers are questioning if something wrong occurred. Was there any influence wrongly imposed by me on my mother (who had dementia)? They’ve hired a lawyer. My tummy stays upset and my heart is broken, but I’m using the Trust lawyer to defend myself at the cost of the small amount remaining in the trust. They are depleting it.
I don’t know what words to use to describe my feelings about all this but hurt and anger come to mind. Where were they all those years. Why couldn’t they give our parents grace and show up once before their deaths? How hard would that have been??? And now to accuse me of wrongdoing is pure hatefulness. I’m distraught over all this.
Should I do something else? Have I abused my mom? I know I haven’t, but this feels awful. I wish my dad was still here. I miss my parents terribly.
Don't communicate with them except through the lawyer or in the presence of a lawyer. Do what the lawyer advises and don't have any expectations of any sort of relationship with your brothers in the future. You can't choose your relatives but you can choose boundaries to have with them. I wish you success in defending yourself.
I have 3 sons and I often reminding them of how disappointed we would be if they fought over our trust or whatever assets are leftover. They all know it's there to spend on our care so that they don't ever have to do it themselves and to expect nothing and plan to save 100% for their own retirement funds. We've tried to be as fair as possible (right now only 1 of them has kids who will understand this) so everything is divided into 3.
May you receive peace in your heart through all of this.
You did the care.
You were the trusted one.
I am thrilled you at the least got the POD on the account with which you managed her care.
Let the attorney's and the brother's do what they have to. I hope our own attorney will get some clause wherein THEY have to pay all court expenses when told there is no case.
Meanwhile, happily you are spending the money of the trust and have it to spend, and they will just deplete it in this manner.
Hopefully, once the suing attorney has the info, he/she will go to the bros and say "you don't have a case here" and it will all drop. They will be satisfied with examining what you have. If NOT, you are in for a whole cupboard full of maalox and pepto. I would be the same.
How dreadful really, to lose the brother's completely because of their greed.
I wish you the best.
I hope you'll update us.
Like said, their lawyer will look at the paperwork and see there was no wrong doing. That parents money was spent on the parents. If I was your parents and my sons didn't visit me for years, they would have got nothing. Children are not entitled to parents money and no guarentee there will be any when they are gone. The ones that do nothing are always there at the end with their hands out. I hope your lawyer sues them for your legal fees.
Your brothers might have even convinced themselves they are virtuous for resisting the urge to ‘take advantage’ of their parents in their old age. Of course your brothers never visited or helped, if they had seen what you had done for your parents all those years it would have burst the carefully contrived bubble protecting them from facing their own lack of compassion and greed.
Your brothers sat together twirling their mustaches, waiting for payday with a very unrealistic idea of what it costs to keep two elderly people safe, happy and comfortable for 7 years. You can’t change that. But I hope you can find comfort and pride in the care you gave your parents as they approached the end of their lives.
I am sorry for all of your losses.
Due to mismanagement of dad’s business in which she had a part, the estate was embroiled in lawsuits, lack of cash, angry clients, etc. She sued me stating that I wasn’t doing my job as executor. Since I never did anything without consulting the very good estate attorney, it was clear that her claim was bogus and unfounded. The judge threw the case out of court. Defending against her cost the estate thousands of dollars. In this case Rude Aunt clearly came across as a foolish vengeful old woman and the judge acted accordingly.
Anyone can sue anyone for anything, but it doesn’t mean they’ll win. Sometimes they know they have no chance of winning but just want to cause stress. Maybe that’s true in your situation. Hang in there and refuse to be intimidated! You’ve got this.
But don't waste time, energy, and emotions over your brothers. You didn't "now" lose your only siblings. You lost them seven or more years ago, by their choice. Just write them off. There's no relationship to restore. Easier said than done, but you can do it. Don't let them take over your life and health when you have your own family which can benefit from your time and attention.
Regarding any legal action, let your lawyer deal with it. They are wasting their own money on it and unless they have plenty to spare, they'll give up. Have they or their lawyer said what their specific complaints are?
Turn your attention to your own family -- husband, daughters, and grandchildren. Let them help you heal, and bring you back to happiness.
Try leave this is the hands of the lawyer. Your brothers are bullies.
(((hugs))).