Bills & money; how do I start taking control of accounts?

Start out by separating your finances, now. Down the road, if dad needs Medicaid, you will not be able to show what is his money and what is yours..

Will dad cooperate with letting you be notified electronically if a bill goes unpaid? Most vendors offer that service to elders.

Are you his Durable POA? If not get the ball rolling. Do not co-mingle funds, you will need a clear accounting trail if he should need Medicaid in the next 2.5 years if in California and 5 years in most other states. That property you hold with him is an asset of his, whether your name is on it or not.

You don't need to change the name on the accounts, just the address. Have the bills sent to your address, especially any joint account. If your dad has an attorney, contact him or her asap.

You need a POA to handle dad's finances. Many banks and other financial institution will require the POA be specifically for finances. Get as many bills as possible on auto-pay. Have electronic access to all accounts and check to make sure that bills are paid and money moved as it is supposed to be. If dad "forgets", tell him about the missed payment and then tell him you'll handle it.

It seems your dad may have beginning dementia. Take him to a doctor for evaluation. There are medications that can help "sharpen" his memory that work for awhile. Eventually, you will have to be responsible for financial, legal and care. Start putting legal paperwork (POA, will, DNR...) in place. Start gathering information about resources to help with dad's care - so you'll have it before he needs it.

As dad's memory declines and he may become irresponsible with spending, consider getting him a loadable "credit card" that he can use for his pocket money. He should not have access to any other funds if he develops this problem.

Sign up for email and/or text alerts for all his creditors so you know when the bills are due and how much. He doesn't have to pay online, but you will know when they are coming due so dad won't miss a payment.

MaineCoast,
-You'll need a Durable Financial Power of Attorney, so if you don't already have one contact a lawyer (and get other estate planning documents at the same time). Don't skimp on this; it's critical!
-Get your dad's passwords - for his current email and any accounts he has set up. Since he may be deleting emails he gets with renewal/payment notices, set up a separate email account that only you can access; then have his financial notices sent to the new email address.
-Monitor your dad's accounts (checking, savings, investments, credit cards) online to find out what is being paid. And set up a calendar for yourself with dates of important renewals (car insurance, house insurance, taxes, etc.)
-Set up a notebook so you have important info at your fingertips (I use Nolo's "Get It Together" Planner). It's a chore to set up, but it's well worth it and you can add to it as you discover more info.
-If necessary, get your dad to sign letters of authorization enabling companies (like the phone co.) to discuss his accounts with you and send you any notices.
-As Bigsister7 recommended, have your dad's financial snail mail sent to your address.
Even if you don't think you need all of this right now, you will need it eventually. Best of luck!

First, if you or someone or someone in the family does not current have a DPOA and HCPOA for your father, I suggest you make obtaining them a top priority.

Second, since most of the accounts are handled electronically, see if your father will give you the username/password to the accounts so you can periodically log in and check on the status and/or add your email to the notification email list.

Third, ask your father to write a "To Whom It May Concern" letter requesting the mailing address for all his accounts be changed to you, hopefully his DPOA by now. When I began assisting my parents with monthly bills, I gathered the bills in a folder and reviewed them weekly with my parents. One of them wrote the check and I mailed it. Then we transitioned to online bill pay as much as possible until I began paying all the basics and just providing a monthly summary for their review. After I gained guardianship of my father, I discontinued the monthly summary for Dad because of his cognitive status and an estranged brother who made trouble at any opportunity. After my mother moved in with me, I started doing annual summaries for her at the same time I prepared the summaries needed for the guardianship court. Mom had a very limited income while my father lived (just wife's SS portion) and I wanted to avoid a monthly discussion over how much she wasn't contributing to the household; she wanted to pay at least half the base expenses and she just didn't have that much money to spend.

Fourth, I suggest isolating at least your commercial real estate accounts. Is the joint bank account only used for the real estate management? If not, I suggest you open an account just for the real estate with both your names on it and have all the real estate deposits and bills paid from this account. Depending on the Medicaid laws in your state, you may not need to sell this asset later to qualify for Medicaid (if necessary) when it is generating an income. You and your father may also want to consider setting up transfer on death deeds to the property and for this bank account.

Sharing accounts in the sense that both your names are on the account isn't a major problem, but sharing accounts in the sense funds from the account are used to pay bills for both of you is. I had a traveling job in the days of regional banks, before online banking or even Saturday banking, so I put my mother on my account so she access the account when I was out of town. Mom put my name on her account shortly afterwards. Technically these were joint accounts but because Mom's SS and rent checks were deposited into "her" account and used to pay her bills while my checks were deposited into my account and used to pay my bills they were used as individual accounts. When I paid some insurance or housekeeping help for my parents, I transferred the money to Mom's account and paid the bill from there. When Mom's account was reviewed by the court during my father's guardianship and again for Mom's Community Medicaid qualification there were no problems. Because some banks have difficulty accepting a DPOA until you get a court order, having your name on the account simplifies a lot of things, provided you are disciplined and use Dad's account only for Dad's expenses. The documentation that I had been helping my parents for over 20 years didn't hurt my guardianship petition either.

The most important advice I can share is to partner with your Dad. Please do not tell him it's time for you to take over. Become a more involved partner and over time it will be a lot easier to take a lead role in handling his affairs. Even now when my mother's short term memory and MCI mean I am actually making the hard decisions, I still discuss most decisions and the reasoning behind them with her.

Please, please call a good attorney ASAP and work on getting a POA for him. If yor have these and a letter from an attorney, you may be able to get some of these accts. reactivated without a terrible hassle. I wish you luck. It is a hard place to be.

Sounds like you need to get a POA, or a document from your dad giving you permission to discuss his accounts. It took me several years to get my parents to allow me to handle their bills. Each company or institution will probably have different methods to grant you access so be patient.

Im not advocating deceit but if you know his Social Security number and account numbers you might be able to gain access on line. I did this for some of their accounts and am glad I did!

About the insurance, can't you just pay it and get it reinstated? Most companies do not want to lose the business, especially if you have been claim free. However, getting new prices from other companies might save you some money.

I would set myself up as an additional insured and require a 30 day cancellation notice, that will stop the policy from being cancelled without your knowledge.

I would encourage dad to protect both of you by getting all accounts in both your names and get payable on death, beneficiaries and deed transfers updated. If there is ample assets I highly recommend getting a trust with both of you as trustees and successor trustees, this will save you untold headaches. I would also get any real estate that has loss risk put in an LLC as an added layer of protection. www.nelf.org can help you find certified elder law attorney's in your area and they are well versed in asset protection and documentation required to ensure that your wishes are carried out and that your family has the power to help you.

Getting things arranged for protection is a great way to work with dad and start taking over some of the responsibility. He will probably understand the legal protection angle and be less resistant.

Has he been seen by a doctor recently? He could have a urinary tract infection and that can resemble dementia in seniors. Or any infection for that matter.

I would ensure that he is healthy and still get everything arranged for protection. None of us are promised tomorrow.

Do you have access to your parents home, mail? Does your Dad have documents that designate you or another as DPOA in case of being unable to function? If you can access the mail this may tell you in monthly statements what is happening out there unless Dad was a computer whiz and they all come in that way with passwords. If they do come in that way you may find computer passwords out there, as well. I am assuming that your Dad has some dementia? Is that dementia so bad that he would not understand, in the office of a lawyer, assigning you as his POA? If it is too late for that it goes to seeking guardianship, which is always more costly, by twice the amount likely.
So first thing is to find access to all you can access. All information. Then seeing what can be done about getting the legal right to address these issues. You do NOT want on his own stuff to start paying anything big; you are unlikely to get reimbursed, though if you win guardianship it is very likely you can repay yourself for the amount spent to get it.
Keep close careful records of anything you can find. Is Dad at home? Is he in care? Do you have access to homes and files?
This is now a need to know thing, as Dad is going to start losing things if they cannot be addressed. Such as insurance. There could even be long term care policies out there.
So I am afraid it might be Lawyer time. I always say that so blithely as though everyone has a 5,000.00 note out there marked "Open in Case of Lawyer".
Good luck. If you find out any magic formulas do let us know.

Please hire an elder law attorney asap.

I am another that advises, get an Elder Law Attorney as fast as you can. I worked with a regular attorney at first but soon found he did not have the knowledge needed when working for my Mother's and my needs. The Elder Law Attorney had knowledge of what was the latest available when working with seniors and for me as a caregiver.

By all means get POA, but don't think that's a magic bullet. Many financial institutions won't honor it. They'll have their own mechanism and paper work that they want you to fill out. Make sure you do those too.