I feel I am not being paid enough for his care and housing. My brother in law is power of attorney and has decided what he thinks 24/7 care is worth. I do not want to be tied down for 1000 a month. My father in law has enough to pay more but with advanced Alzheimer does not handle his own finances. Would not mind job so my husband can have his dad home. 4 children and no help. How do I get him to pay?
So, yes, you need a raise. I pay my Mother's POA (medical) $500 per month and in our case Mom is in a nursing home. But, I am not close and someone has to see about her and run the errands and do the paper work.
If I were you, I would resign and give the men 2 weeks to find someone to come in and take care of their dad. Good luck.
If i were you here is what I would do....
1. Call a couple facilities and ask for info on each of them and ask that they mail this info to you along with fees that would be charges if your FIL were placed there.
2. Call a couple of agencies or caretaker agencies and ask for info, like do they charge a 4 hour minimum to come and help, and get their fees and have it mailed to you.
3. Tell your husband you MUST have a sit down meeting with him and lay out all the information you have obtained. Place it in a notebook and make it VERY EASY TO UNDERSTAND. Then tell your husband that you want him to get on the phone and call Mr POA and lay it out to him that facility care costs X number of dollars, in home care costs X number of dollars.
4. Both you and your husband need to tell Mr POA that he can either pay you X number of dollars or word it differently that he needs to contribute X number of dollars to your household or he will need to move his father to one of these facilities or to his home and he can pay someone to come in and care for him in his home. Make sure you send him a copy of the notebook so he can see for himself what the costs are.
This is just like asking for a raise at work, you need to show him why you are worth more money. The thing is, if you have not already begun doing this you need to really think about it! This is extremely HARD work, physically, mentally and emotionally and it will take a toll on your marriage and your children. So if you are only doing this for a paycheck, do not do it.....you will be sorry.
Mom wanted to stay in her home, so I got nursing care 24/7 thru an Agency at $20/hr which was about $13K/mo. That wasn't a long term solution because of the cost.
Point is, caregiving costs money. The family always wants what's best for the most part and thinks they can do it better themselves and less expensively. For many, that may be so, but I think most will agree that aging parents get more elderly and increasingly require greater levels of care especially if dementia and ALZHEIMER'S are involved. It is very hard on the family, especially for those with children still at home. Although everyone sacrifices, it's usually one primary person and the children who suffer when grandma/grandpa tires the parent out, or events are missed, sleepovers squelched, etc.
At the very least, get an agreement formally prepared outlying duties, responsibilities, expenses, room and board, vacations, fees, etc. and have the family mtg. Build in expense for outside caregiver assistance at least a few hours a week to give yourself a break or time to attend to other family activities away fro FIL.
Look into an escape plan for when your FIL requires more skilled care than you can provide and plan for a facility that can meet those needs. Everyone needs to be on board.
We will all be in this boat as we age, we need to plan and understand the commitments and costs involved so we don't burden our own families or take advantage of loving well intentioned family members.
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