Our father said 2 years ago he wanted to change to a democracy.Our brother lives in another state and has not seen our father in over a year. my wife and I moved from another state to take care of our father in his home (we are trying to sell our home in another state). My sister, step sister, my wife and I all live in the state where our father is. My wife and I are the primary care givers and my sister takes our father for part of a day every week to relieve my wife and I. Our brother refuses to step down from his position. We are upset with him for a number of different things. His secrecy is a big one. He liquidated our fathers stock about $90K and loaned his company the money with a 10% return (monthly pymts) but he didn't ask or tell anyone until after the fact. Our father was diagnosed with moderate dimentia over 2 years ago. My father told me about 2 years ago that he made a mistake in allowing only our brother to make all these decisions and he doesn't remember agreeing to allow my brother to sell his stock. My brother is pushing for another doctor visit (diagnosis) and says that it is for the hospice preparation (he says "eventually, so everything will be in place") although dad, who's 87 still gets around okay. We try to walk with him almost everyday. My father and I worked together for along time and he and I have always been very close. I don't know what my brothers motive might be? No one has guardianship for our father as of yet. We all have medical POA. But the oldest does many things without discussing anything w/anybody. We don't have a great deal of money and we don't really know what to do. He even told the Hospice people to not contact us and to only go through him, (but we're the primary care givers). Our father has some real estate (rental properties and of course his house/residence). We all just want our brother to be fair and step down. The rest of us believe that we can all amicably work out most any differences and none of us want to "run the show". Our brother also admitted that he made mistakes either with the $90K stock money or the $45-50K liquid money that he used renovating our fathers rental propeties. He dictates, delagates and treats us like employees. Hires people we don't want for work we don't need. What are some if any legal options that we have? Would it help if we had guardianship? Right now we have very little money as I've just started a business a few months ago, and while it looks good it is still going to take a little longer to stabalize.financially. In the meantime dad's memory and physically is slowing down significantly. Because of all these games and fighting with our brother is taking a toll on us and our 14 year old son who lives with we are considering whether it might just be better have dad in a home? We don't know what we should do? But we also would like to have some normalcy in our lives as well. Caring for my father is tuff enough for my wife and son, but having to deal with my double standard brother is the part that makes this unbearable! Is there any legal action that can be taken? If we were guardians for my father would we have any more influence on a legal position and how does that affect the Trust? Isn't the trust the final word? Our brother even had the gall to ask our father "if he passed away before he finished paying all the loan payments, could our brother just write off paying it back and it would just essentially become a personal loan to my brother, but waived in the event of our fathers death. We are in the state of Oklahoma if that helps you to know our rights any better. Our brother is pushing so hard for this hospice help and before our father is even eligible. By the way our father would not legally be able to change anything as he would be evalued as incompetent in these legal matters and could not change anything, and our brother certainly does not want to change anything. He already has and does make unilateral decisions without consulting anyone and we're tired of it. If there were any emergency, dads budget is so tight (SS) that he would be in a real hurt.
Thank you for your help in any way,
D
My answer is to get a lawyer ASAP and sit back and let go, Let God.
get professional help on keeping track of the financial dealings of the brother who liquidated stock etc..
All states are different, but honestly, the best recommendation I can give you is to tell you to go to an Elderly Care Attorney NOW! Your brother is mishandling the funds from what you're saying, and all of the money could and probably will be gone by the time your father passes.
Are you being paid for your services? If not, think about asking for money. And hospice care, believe it or not, gets quite expensive when the time comes. It isn't free anymore in most states and can be as much as if he was in a Nursing Facility. I suggest you check into Hospice Care yourself so you know what to expect when the time comes. And be sure to get answers about all your Dad's medical conditions, what to expect, what's the proper treatment, etc. IN WRITING from ALL of your Dad's physicians.
To put your time and experience in perspective, the very cheapest visiting and round-the-clock nursing home care in the country is more than $10 an hour (I believe the national average is around $21 an hour). So, let's say you half the lowball figure and only charge $5 per hour per 24 hours in a day times 7 days in a week times 52 weeks. That comes to $43,680 per year. The very cheapest Nursing Home I can think of anywhere in the country charges $3500 per month plus extras like in house laundry, medicines not covered by insurance, haircuts, etc. So, $3500 times 12 months in a year comes to $42,000 and you can figure anywhere from $1000 to $2500 per year for the add-ons, so it's closer to $44,000 per year for a Nursing Home Care Facility. Now, I know you're not doing this for the money, but it helps you to see how VALUABLE YOU ARE! Is your brother paying for at least 2 weeks vacation a year for your family and getting someone to sit with your Dad during that time? WHY NOT? Caregivers wear out quickly if they don't have a break.
This website spells out the true costs of keeping someone in their own home as opposed to going the Nursing Home route. It's well worth your time to read it: homeinstead
Get the remaining siblings together and go see the Elderly Care Attorney and have him draw up some papers to stop your brother before it's too late. If he invested the money in his company, even if your Dad signed since he was unaware, that MIGHT be embezzlement, but it's certainly mismanagement of funds as that money is supposed to go for your Dad's care and the upkeep of your Dad's properties. It is not supposed to be used for any other purpose in most states. Be sure to have the lawyer draw up papers that state the loan has to be repaid, period, whether it's before or after your father passes. I know money is an issue, but believe me, an Elder Care Attorney will save you countless money in the end.
And if your Dad is living solely on Social Security, WHY? What happened to the liquidated assets? That money was to go for your Dad's care, so your brother has some explaining to do. I assume your Dad has Medicare and private insurance and isn't getting Oklahoma Medicaid? (If you're Dad is on Medicaid, inform them immediately! Medicaid has very strict guidelines and if your Dad goes into a nursing home paid for by Medicaid, the MERP or Medicaid Estate Recovery Program will apply and it's exactly what it says it is, they will go after your Dad's assets for repayment. The family will be responsible to sell his assets and write a check to Medicaid. In most states, if you live with the parent, and don't have your own home, you will be allowed to retain the home, but everything else will have to be sold, up to the amount Medicaid covered. Be sure to get documentation proving you've lived in that house for all the dates you've lived there. If your house doesn't sell, you won't be allowed to retain his home. Again, this is Medicaid, not Medicare. But, I would get documentation for every day you've been there and every expense, including receipts, to cover yourself and your family.
If you all have Medical POA, YOU ask the doctor how soon Hospice is necessary. Since you all have it, I think it has to be a majority rules, on the decision. It sounds to me your brother is in deep financial trouble and he's looking for a way out. I pray I'm wrong, but it sounds very shady, and if he's gotten your Dad to sign the papers waiving the payment after his death, your brother may actually be pushing him into hospice prematurely to avoid giving you siblings a chance to stop this atrocity. So, get a written statement from all your Dad's doctors listing all the illnesses, how advanced, what's coming, how long, what's the proper treatment, etc. and be sure you and your siblings are seeing it's properly carried out. And by all means, talk to your local Adult Protective Services. In Oklahoma, their website is: http://www.preventelderabuse.org/elderabuse/fin_abuse.html
If you truly believe the brother is mismanaging funds, go to the ombudsman at the local Sheriff's office where your father resides and ask them to investigate. This is a civil matter, so sometimes you can get an investigation and sometimes you can't, it's all in how the Sheriff's office sees the merits of the case. And if you sue or fight your brother in court, that will also be in Civil Court and not Criminal Court. I'm actually doing this right now (Tennessee) over my brother's estate, his will states his two sons were supposed to split everything half and half and he left nothing to his adopted daughter (which I fought my brother over and told him it should be three ways). My brother actually did decide he wanted everything split three ways. The problem, the adoptive daughter became his "advocate" as his oldest son had DPOA and Medical POA. My brother moved all his accounts from the bank he'd used for 40 years and the adoptive daughter suddenly became the sole beneficiary leaving no assets for the will/probate. We are having to sue her in Civil Court in order to try to regain some of the assets for my brother's youngest son. Even if we win, since she's already spent all the money, it's unlikely my nephew will ever see the money his Dad promised him. Again this is why it's critical to hire an Elder Care Attorney NOW! Before it gets to the point there's no money left to recover, or left for your Dad's care once Hospice or a Nursing Facility is needed.
Here is a lawyer site that answers similar questions about a Trust and mismanagement: lawyers
I hope this helps you. Again, you have my admiration for taking on the care for your Dad. It speaks volumes about you and your character. I pray things work out for you...
Mom now has a conservator and guardian, and we are still in court. This is costing my Mom incredible amounts of money which is terribly sad because this all started because of sibs desire to protect their inheritance while I continue to care for Mom 24/7 without compensation. I have been here more than three years now. This has destroyed any relationship I have with sibs to say nothing of what this has done to me financially.
You could start by calling Adult Protective Services to check on brothers activity with Dad's funds. That may help, but mat not. Or you could talk to an attorney, many have free initial consultations. And the site AVVO has listings of attorneys. You can post your situation and receive responses from attorneys in your area all without charge.
I would no recommend having POA changed this could be determined to be undue influence. Plus it would not help with the issue of the trustee position. Have you seen the trust? Many trusts have a stipulation that in order for your brother to take trustee position he must have letters from two doctors stating Dad is incapacitated.
Good luck to you. These things often become very ugly and will destroy familial relationships. Any history of family dysfunction will become very obvious.
You run out of assets to pay, but the $$ the brother 'misspent' will be considered gifting by Medicaid, and until that is made up Dad is ineligible for Medicaid, If you request a 'hardship' you still have to pursue ALL LEGAL means to recover that money including abuse or alleging theft.
Dad should be able to appoint trustees as he wishes. Was the money the brother stole withdrawn from a bank account with both Dad and son's name, as an 'or' bank account. A good Elder law attorney is needed.
Make an appt. RIGHT NOW with the attorney who drew up the trust, your dad still sounds lucid enough to have him speak with this attorney and have the attorney write up a revision to the trust.
I would do that first before consulting an Elder Care attorney or another lawyer.
Start with attorney who wrote the trust and let their office revise the existing one, naming someone else executor trustee
The rest will take care of itself.
Here's that number again: 9 - 1 - 1
People think "an attorney is an attorney" title and real estate lawyer for example are like asking a urologist to a heart catheter.