She very much enjoyed the airplane ride, 30 min after landing she forgot she was on the plane. Got her to Memory Care where I had fixed up her room with pics, and other items from her home. Told her there was propane leak at her home and not safe to stay while being repaired. It's been 3 days. She has texted 3 times asking me to get her home and called, left message this am to get her home. I knew there would be an adjustment period. Wondering if I should wait a few more days to go see her, take her to the moves which calms her down. I feel so bad, like I abandoned her. And also know this is "normal" for her/me to feel this way. Spoke with the caregiver at MC, they said she's eating, and sitting in common area, but not participating in activities and asking for me to take her home. Uggh. :( Anyone go through this? Also, MC said not advisable to put TV in her room, though she is asking for one. Thank you!
The reality is that she'll almost always go when my husband is there and takes her to them, she will occasionally go on her own when a staff member stops by and cajoles her, but she spends a lot of time in her own suite watching (or sleeping in front of the) TV.
She does go to the dining room 3x daily for meals, and she will often go to the shared area to just sit and be around others (and ask the staff for cookies :) so that is some built-in movement and socializing.
The truth is that no amount of activities will fix where her brain is or the varying levels of anxiety inherent in dementia -- or the fact that she has long been fairly introverted, TV-watching, and most comfortable in her own home/environment. We've adjusted our expectations and try to balance providing support that helps her participate meaningfully in life with accepting that she has the agency to opt for comfort over health.
I agree with many comments to allow for some adjustment time, try not to feel guilty over seeing her struggle to accept her new circumstances (none of this is your fault, and you don't have a magic wand), and yes, get her a TV and whatever else is affordable that helps her feel comfortable.
When/if it's feasible for you, ask the facility to receive copies of their monthly or weekly activity calendars, and if there's anything that looks fun to you, show up and bring her to it. My husband takes his mom to strength training, drumming, bingo, anything that works for his schedule and that he can join in and play along.
Best wishes for you!
Some people prefer to stay in their rooms and I don’t blame them . Some feel the activities are childish and insulting .
Some don’t care to make friends either. To force this is not making them feel better but an attempt to make those who placed LO feel better .
Don’t take her out , you may not get her to go back in the building .
You can bring her some take out food and enjoy it with her in the outside courtyard that is connected to MC.
Many people just like the comfort of hearing the noise, It feels less lonely, like someone else is in the room. Especially if she likes movies, which calms her.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. What prompted this move of your friend to a memory care in another state, near you? Perhaps its time to try a different fib.
The story of leaving her home for a repair has her thinking this is a temporary visit and she will be going home again.
Then, again, "Home" means different things to people with dementia. Do everything you can to make her current room feel like home. Including a TV.
Who doesn't have a TV in their home? This may be why she is feeling confused, not participating in socialization and wanting to go home - the room doesn't feel like home. I'll bet a TV would help her. One with a SIMPLE control! Or can be controlled remotely by a friend (you) or family member. Like Jubilee TV for Seniors.
This is about as good as it gets regarding socialisation at a mc level. Some will want to participate, some will not, and you can’t really blame the ones who want no part of this.
If she wants to watch tv vs being coerced to socislize with the stupid cake party and sprite people are dumping over themselves as seen in this example, it’s her right
Your name says it all.
Go see her and bring her into common area and watch a movie with her. Go every 3 days and get her to participate in activities and make friends. It is going to take a while, I don’t agree that some people need to be dropped off with no visitors for two weeks. Everybody different and some need their love ones help to adjust.
I agree with meds if she doesn't adjust in 2 weeks.
Bless you for taking care of her to this point! May you receive peace in your heart that you did the right thing, even though it was very hard.
However I would not under any circumstances take her out of the facility for any reason, as that would just be far too confusing for her and you may have trouble taking her back.
People with broken brains do best with a routine and don't do well when that routine is broken for any reason, so allow your friend time to get into a routine in her new home and then you can go visit her and bring her some of her favorite treats if you want.
And I think the reason the memory care doesn't want TV's in the rooms is because they want the folks to mingle in the common areas and not stay in their rooms isolating themselves.
Give your friend time. She's going to be just fine.
It is quite common for someone with dementia, that when they are asking to go home, it is the home they grew up in. Back when life was fun and easy as a child. So with my Mom (97 yrs old) I had to quickly come up with an excuse why she couldn't visit her parents. I told her they were visiting the old country, to which she smiled and said "that's nice". Then I used that excuse each time she asked.
I am surprised the Memory Care isn't allowing a TV in her room. My Dad's memory care had no problem, but that was over 10 yrs ago. I would hate to miss those fun game shows of the past, and my favorite soap opera.