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My friend's mother had a heart attack that resulted in some brain damage and had to be put on a ventilator. He is her care giver and her son/POA and he refuses to make her a DNR. He is involved in and has a say in every apect of her care. He has been at her bedside almost 24/7 for over a month now and her condition has improved, but only slightly so far. Now the hospital has banned him from the hospital, he can be obnoxious and questions the Drs and he has called respiratory therapy when he thinks she needs suctioning etc but their number is written on communication for patients to have. He also has a reputation for an incident that happened 20 years ago and I think they are also letting that and the fact they don't want to deal with him any longer be the reason for them banning him. Now he cannot even see his mother that could pass at anytime and he is devastated. He has cared for her and lived with his mother when she could not live alone. They are very close.

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What were the mother's wishes at end of life as expressed in an advanced directive? Is he carrying out her wishes, or his? Are you able to discuss this with him? And of course, if he is interfering with medical staff carrying out their duties, possibly endangering the care of other patients due to unreasonable staff time demands, then of course he will not be welcome. Are you able to talk with him about the situation? Sounds like the problem here is as much his as his mothers. Frankly I do not believe in extending life with a respirator - this is for temporary situations where it is reasonable to believe that the person will recover, at least to some extent, not to prolong the dying process or impose a living death. I believe that is torture.
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He should talk to the administrator of the hospital..I’m not sure what’s going on but usually hospitals don’t ban people for asking questions...also he should go by her wishes ,did she want to be kept alive ? Some people do and they stay on vents for years ...but I would most definitely talk to the hospital administrator about why he was banned ,.
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A hospital or dr can ban someone from the hospital--in the best interest of their patient. This son must be acting in a supremely inappropriate way, or this wouldn't be a problem.

Perhaps her EOL wishes are not being carried out and he is angry. I would think that simply "being there 24/7" would be a cause for removing him from the hospital.

You likely don't have all the information here.
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Hospitals don't ban anyone UNLESS they are being totally disruptive. I believe that it's legal for them to do that because it's in the best interest of the patient and the other patients and staff. Most of the "removals" I've seen have been in Emergency Room. Family members can get pretty riled up in there.

I've seen some damn b**** family members on the regular hospital floors but I can't remember the hospital banning anyone.

The guy sounds like he should back off, get some therapy for coping with the condition of his mom and have regular meetings with her doctors.

She will probably be moved to a nursing home that takes "vents" (respirator dependent patients). He'd better be more respectful or they'll transfer her outa' there.
I'm sure he's not coping well, since they are probably dependent on each other but he's not going to get anywhere behaving this way.
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Yes, if he is interfering in the care of any patient or causing the patients anxiety. Any patient? There are many others that need care too. Type A personalities are not cut out to be caregivers.
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It is her end of life wishes that are being carried out . She is not on a ventalator anymore she receives oxygen per nasal cannual and her saturation is always close to 100 percent. S he is in a private room no other patient are involved in this situation, He is the legal POA over her health care. He as 2 siblings that live away and have visited several times during her illness but return home every staff member feels that she is not going to live fro, what i wqitnessed most of the nursing and insinuate that it is a waste of time . the staff do not feel threatened and should feel appreciative to some extent because they dont have to check on her and pretty much rely on the son for that. he just refuses to allow them to not treat her like she is a lost cause but treat her like patient that EOL wishes are to live. She is able to make eye contact and will smie at her son and will squeeze hand on command. He may bet type a personality but he is a registered nurse that has been taking care of her for over 5 years.her but she has vent free for 6 weeks.. She has a ng tube and a central line and a catheter that is all of life support that she gets. The only threat to the staff is a hypothetical comment that the son told the adminitration that if his mother died because of staffs lack of care or neglect that he would pray for god to make that hospital nothing but rubble yea innapropriate but he was upset with them for Narctic that was given that she should have not been given nor the reason that the order was written
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That could be ( and probably was) interpreted as a terroristic threat.

By EOL wishes, I take it that she wishes to be a full code, complete with broken ribs when she finally expires?
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Threatening to blow the place up? I wouldn't want him in the same building as my loved one. Other patients? There are more patients to attend to than a roommate.
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The hospital has every right to decide who is on their premises. You can't find it that surprising that after a month of his being to varying degrees disruptive, obnoxious, belligerent and now - frankly - threatening they have had enough.

What is the mother's prognosis? Is she still on a ventilator? Is she still considered at imminent risk of dying?

It matters only because it's a question of who to open negotiations with. Your friend needs an advocate who can discuss what has happened with the hospital (or with an SNF, if that's becoming a plan) and persuade them to allow him to visit his mother. It shouldn't be impossible, but obviously it will involve giving undertakings and accepting conditions to ensure that the hospital's staff's safety and routine are not further jeopardised by this one relative.

If you want to be a good friend to this man, stop trying to minimise the problems of his behaviour, or make excuses for him; and instead try to get him to calm down and adjust his perspective. Why? Eyes on the prize - he wants to see his mother, and he probably hasn't much time to waste on fighting.

You may well find that the hospital runs some kind of information centre where you can ask about patients' and relatives' advocacy or support. I hope you'll be able to find some practical help, anyway - let us know how it goes.
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If she made him POA I would double check your attitude. My experience has been awful and I was cast in a bad light at a senior facility where they cut my hours. They did not want me there after they took over my Mother's health care decisions over her Dr's advice, my Mother's wishes and My wishes as POA. They had their hooks into my brother and cousin. Brother and cousin had literally no relationship with my Mother. No meaningful conversations. It was a rogue facility and the corporate culture was to lie. Mother almost died. She almost lost her eyesight through their negligence and intentional acts. They had their program. They did not want a family member to interfere. They made a fortune off Mother in her last 6 months there when we had to pay for 2 rooms at a time as they shifted her around between Independent Living, Health Care and finally placed in Personal Care where she needed round the clock Nurses Aids. Before they took over Mother was Independent, showered herself, walked without a walker, etc. I mover back when she asked me to when a friend of hers who walked to the dining Room with her and had meals with her was declining, She needed support. The facility was negligent and intentional in their bad acts and made her an invalid in very bad shape. My son got her out of there and she is thriving at the facility where we brought her. I stay with Mother 24 x 7. I am well respected here, on good terms. At the rogue facility, I was cast very much like the way you are casting the POA. Try to look at the situation putting the POA in a good light. Try to bring him back and sit with him and his mother. If what he is being judged on is 20 years ago or 40 years ago is the problem it seems that the facility has made a bad decision. He sounds like a loving devoted son. If you care, call the facility and ask if you can accompany the son before it is too late. See for yourself. You don't seem 100% certain he is the problem. Maybe he just needs an advocate. My Mother does not have a DNR. Nurses have told me on the side, that it can be gently administered. I asked them their opinion. Mother did not need it but if she would have I would be there, It is a bad argument that" if I wasn't there the Dr. needs to make a decision so it is better to have a DNR." The Nurses also told me that it is often the Nurses that make the decision, not the Dr. as they don't want to make the decision. Everyone wants to put institutional thinking on a higher plane than the POA.  It is easier to run an institution that way but not the best thing for the family or the loved one.
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I am surprised that as a nurse he does not have a better awareness of how to win friends and influence people in a hospital rather than getting himself thrown out. Has he ever worked in a hospital?

Did the "incident" 20 years ago have anything to do with healthcare? Why would the hospital even know about it two decades later?

I imagine you are getting your view of this second-hand, from the son. Right?
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