Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
87 year old triple stroke patient refuses to pass on peacefully, he is a Christian but with a caregiver wife who is 27 years his junior, married for 20 years.
Sometimes, a person needs to hear that it's OKAY to let go and to die. Sometimes, they feel the need to hang on, to stay here, for US, for their loved ones' sake, or for a reason we're unaware of. When my father was dying with hospice, his vital signs were still normal, although his breathing had become labored. He was hanging on and on and ON and it had become confusing. The wonderful hospice nurse took me aside. She told me to TELL dad that it was okay to let go, that we'd be fine, that I'd take care of mom and keep everything in order. She told me to have mom tell him the same thing. Then she told me to have EVERYONE leave the room, that dad may want to be alone to pass away, without leaving us with such a memory.
So we told dad what we needed to tell him, and I packed everyone up, and we left his room. We went out to dinner as a family, and when we returned a few hours later, dad's vital signs had dropped dramatically. He passed away that same night.
I fully believe that a person DOES have some control over when they transition.
I think everyone wants to die in their sleep but few are granted that wish. I don't know why some people pass swiftly and easily and others linger on forever, I do know that my mom was afraid to die and struggled until her very last breath.
Is there someone he hasn't said goodbye to. The week my Mom passed, everyone went to the home to say goodbye. We knew her passing would be soon. My nephew cannot drive because of disabilities. I took him to visit. We left at 1:30, Mom was pronounced 20 min later when the nurse checked on her. Even in her Dementia state Mom worried about my nephew, his had Mom died. The nurse told me she believes they wait to say goodbye. Even if its just hearing a voice over the phone.
So, again, is there someone they need to say goodbye to.
No. They cannot. Nor can they "will themselves" to die unless they stop taking food and fluid. The heart, the lungs, the kidneys make these decisions. They are/they can be very stubborn about it, or very willing. When the cardiologists told my bro at 85 that he had an excellent ejection fraction on the heart tests he and I both replied "That's too bad". The pump will pump so long as it is able.
My brother hung around until his daughter and son arrived. Was weird, I swear he was at death’s door. He perked up so much that the nurse came in and asked if we were having a party in his room because he was laughing and reminiscing.
I thought he was going to walk out of the hospice facility. He had walked out one time before.
Nope, it was his last hurrah. He was at peace with dying after he saw his kids. I was the last one with him and told him to give daddy a hug and kiss for me when he saw him.
He died around this time of year in 2013, shortly before my birthday. It was hard to make his funeral arrangements. My daughter went with me and that made it easier.
Ever know someone that seemed to have nine lives like a cat? That was my brother. I can’t tell you how many times he should have died but didn’t.
One time he was on his beloved motorcycle and was literally hit by a man driving a truck. I don’t know how the doctor was able to put him back together but he did. The doctor told me he died but they were able to bring him back. That was a very long night in the ER.
He had several close calls. I lost count between the heroin overdoses and the accidents and difficulties in surgeries. Yeah, there is something inside of me that says if it’s not your time somehow you will pull through.
It’s interesting because I was talking to the hospice nurse the last time he was in there and she told me she has seen people die that she felt had more time and people live that should have died.
His nurses brought so much comfort not only to him but to our family. I will never forget their compassion. They took incredible care of the patients in that facility.
The chaplain was very caring. So was the social worker. Yes, it was heartbreaking to watch my brother die but I was comforted by everyone that truly reached out to us when we needed them most.
My husband has survived three strokes, he has diabetes, COPD, congestive heart failure, has had pneumonia, diverticulitis, C. Diff., and now he is dually incontinent. His doctors just shake their heads in amazement when I wheel him in their offices. You go when it is your time...but it is so hard to watch the struggle. Thank you for sharing.
I think I would have a hard time judging that another human being who refused to give up on life feels that he has zero quality of life. The circumstances must be hard on everyone.
No one can really tell what life really means to anyone. What “wills” someone to do anything comes from whatever we consider to be in a realm that may be physical or mental or spiritual or religious or inexplicable within the parameters of what we consider human thought.
If we are speaking of a man of Faith, are we willing to assume that his Heavenly Father is allowing the time that he is requesting? Having assumed that as true, might there be tasks left to him that he expects to accomplish before departing?
For all of what we may consider the lost wishes and hopes of those for whom we care, is it within the scope of our abilities to assume that we know the quality of life within which they exist?
I have no answer, but perhaps those older than I may be closer to knowing Thea swear than we may think.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So we told dad what we needed to tell him, and I packed everyone up, and we left his room. We went out to dinner as a family, and when we returned a few hours later, dad's vital signs had dropped dramatically. He passed away that same night.
I fully believe that a person DOES have some control over when they transition.
Best of luck to you during this difficult time.
If you are asking if this person (your husband?) is making a conscious choice, I doubt it. Is hospice involved?
So, again, is there someone they need to say goodbye to.
I thought he was going to walk out of the hospice facility. He had walked out one time before.
Nope, it was his last hurrah. He was at peace with dying after he saw his kids. I was the last one with him and told him to give daddy a hug and kiss for me when he saw him.
He died around this time of year in 2013, shortly before my birthday. It was hard to make his funeral arrangements. My daughter went with me and that made it easier.
Ever know someone that seemed to have nine lives like a cat? That was my brother. I can’t tell you how many times he should have died but didn’t.
One time he was on his beloved motorcycle and was literally hit by a man driving a truck. I don’t know how the doctor was able to put him back together but he did. The doctor told me he died but they were able to bring him back. That was a very long night in the ER.
He had several close calls. I lost count between the heroin overdoses and the accidents and difficulties in surgeries. Yeah, there is something inside of me that says if it’s not your time somehow you will pull through.
It’s interesting because I was talking to the hospice nurse the last time he was in there and she told me she has seen people die that she felt had more time and people live that should have died.
His nurses brought so much comfort not only to him but to our family. I will never forget their compassion. They took incredible care of the patients in that facility.
The chaplain was very caring. So was the social worker. Yes, it was heartbreaking to watch my brother die but I was comforted by everyone that truly reached out to us when we needed them most.
If we are speaking of a man of Faith, are we willing to assume that his Heavenly Father is allowing the time that he is requesting? Having assumed that as true, might there be tasks left to him that he expects to accomplish before departing?
For all of what we may consider the lost wishes and hopes of those for whom we care, is it within the scope of our abilities to assume that we know the quality of life within which they exist?
I have no answer, but perhaps those older than I may be closer to knowing Thea swear than we may think.