Dad is approaching 90 years old and is fully aware with no memory issues, takes care of all his own bills, etc, and insists on independence. I thought he was driving well, but his driving at night was awful recently. Last year I rode with him on errands and an appointment so I could see how he was doing, and his driving and parking was spot on. But I accepted a short ride before dawn one morning recently, and it was scary. He does not drive at night at all otherwise. Now I'm scared about his daytime driving but I'm not with him generally so I don't know. I'm scared he might hurt someone or himself. We're in California. Does DMV deal with this at all, and can I report him and be anonymous? Should I speak to our local police about this? I don't want him to find out it was me. He insists he's doing well and doesn't need help. My therapist tells me this is not my responsibility, but I feel like since I knew about the dark-time incident, it kind of IS?
Since he is mentally competent, he is responsible for his own actions, not you,
I would not jump to the conclusion that he is not safe during daylight, you must confirm this before you react. It is a big deal to leave someone without the ability to drive and you want to be 100% positive that it is really an issue.
I personally think that slower driving is not an issue unless they want to be out during rush hour, then they need to get over that and go about there business when traffic is not in a rush.
Best of luck, my dad scared the crap outta me but, his license was renewed after I sent a report to the DMV.
But never mind. The thing is, DMV does issue licences and no doubt are the people to approach, but what are you expecting them to do with an anonymous report from a concerned citizen? If anyone could get anyone's licence suspended in that way, just imagine the mischief people at loggerheads could cause to one another.
He insists he's doing well and doesn't need help. He rejected your offer, indeed your booking, of driving services. So that leaves - just how specific and explicit with him have you been about what's wrong with the way he's driving?
Presumably it's a vision problem, which is no doubt why he's dodging his eye tests. He knows very well he can't see. He just doesn't want to know it *officially.*
Someone is going to have to tell him he is being an idiot. If it's cataracts, they can be dealt with and, God willing, all things being equal, he'll be back on the road safely before too long. It's a less treatable eye problem, then even if it's not curable his choice is between treatment to conserve his vision, the sooner the better, or blindness - and even he can't think he'll be driving if he's registered blind.
No more pussyfooting around his feelings. If you can't be blunt with him about the sheer stupidity of ignoring this problem, do you know someone who can?
stupid, he’s 90.
I should add, when my dad's license was about to expire, he went to the dmv and they renewed it even though both my mom and myself felt it wasn't safe for him to drive, so while you can and should report your dad to the dmv, please don't depend on them to revoke his license.