I have durable POA, am Executor of Will and now successor trustee of Trust since father resigned. He has had a couple strokes in recent yrs, lost his wife of 43 yrs 18 mos ago and cannot take care of himself. I was having someone come in to clean the house, another person to mow the lawn, another to maintain other landscaping, etc etc but he was found on the floor after being there a couple days and he had taken himself off all medications. He insists on driving even though he has had 7 accidents in 18 mos. He has driven the wrong way on the interstate twice that I know of, has sideswiped two different vehicles, has admittedly had many other near misses, etc but refuses to stop driving and no one will do anything. He moved to ALF 6 weeks ago, but now says he is all better and gave them his “two weeks notice” and is planning to move home. What can I do to keep him in ALF?!!!
With your HCPOA you have the unilateral responsibilty and authority to make his safety decisions. You don't need the family's input. Even if you have a "springing" HCPOA, his driving behavior may be one of the criteria that allows you to make his decisions. Explain the seriousness of his leaving to the facility.
I guess you will have to let him go home but don't help him. Tell him if this is what he wants, ok, but you are not going to be a part of it. You are just going to have to wait until something happens again. In the meantime, get him to a doctor. Tell him Medicare wants him to get his yearly check up. Give a note to the receptionist for the doctor telling him what has been going on even his driving.
Then you sit dad down and you tell him that he has the right to choose his life, however, if he leaves ALF you will no longer assist him, see him or talk to him. He will be flying completely solo. I had to go there with my dad, because he knew that I would keep bailing him out and I couldn't take anymore, I was ready to walk away and never look back if he didn't do what was needed for him. It worked but, my dad knew that I meant it.
You can intervene in ways that make him think it is his idea. Tell him that the doctor wants stable lab results for 3 months, whatever you have to say to keep him from leaving.
I think that our seniors get stubborn because they don't see how much we prop them up. If we would not participate in the illusion of independence maybe they would see that they could do better in a different environment and they do need a bit of help.
Unfortunately help has been hurtful in so many people's lives that they resist it without ever realizing why. Best of luck getting him to stay a while longer.
My dad did get better after a year of care, proper med management and not having the stress of a home, so he has since gotten his own place. Tell your dad that he needs a little more time to get stabilized and then he can decide, give him some hope. In the meantime find out how to report him to the DMV to require a test to keep his license.
Great big warm hug! You can do this, I did and if I could, anybody can. Stand firm and be ready to walk away to get him to stay.
Have you reported your Father to the DMV so he can take the examination for driving (both written and driving)? If his license is revoked the car should be removed.
You may need to seek guardianship if there is a diagnosis of Dementia. If there is not one, then your father may have a right to do things on his own, but I do, at that point, agree with RealyReal in that I would not participate in any way in his care, and would assist him in turning over his legal matters to a paid fiduciary. I was POA and Trustee of Trust for my brother. It is difficult enough with full cooperation and agreement; to do it any other way would have been beyond me. You cannot act as warden, police, and everything else for your Dad without burning out completely in quick order.