I am the primary caregiver of my Mom who has Dementia. My Father has taken off with another woman at 80! Yikes so he stated to sell the house and take care of your mother, Currently I am unemployed but I can not afford to stay home and care for her. We are going to sell their house and I think I should be able to replace my salary and care for her instead of putting her in a nursiong home and paying them 3X's what I would be paid. Do people take a salary to be the caregiver for a family member?
You'll need an accurate assessment of what your mother will get during the divorce before you can make plans for her care from those proceeds alone.
Points on waiting to proceed to divorce are well taken. My concern was asset preservation. If the father took up with someone else, he may in his own mind see this as a permanent situation (whether the other person does or not), and may think it's time to shift assets to his "new life." Some of these assets may be ones to which his existing wife may be entitled to half.
Perhaps I was jumping ahead too quickly but I could just see this situation evolving to the point that the marital assets were depleted or hidden and mother would be disadvantaged financially.
Stopping your work history or getting paid "under the table" can have adverse effects on your own future. Maintaining an employed status and paying in to social security can be really important. More adult children caregivers should consider this.
Also make sure there is money set aside (assuming the house sale results in funds to set aside) for regular respite care. You need to get away a few weekends each month, and longer stretches each quarter. You may need funds for adult day health programs. No one can do 24/7/365 caregiving and retain sanity. Ask the lawyer how to arrange this, too.
The other option is to use the money to hire caregivers or to place Mom in an appropriate level care center, and for you to continue to work in your field.
Charging a parent has absolutely nothing to do with your level of love and commitment. It is just a reflection of the realities of life.
Father will have to sign the listing for the house as well as the Warranty Deed if/when it sells. If he's "taken off" for parts unknown, that will be difficult.
Even if things change, best to get started on at least that issue. And try to keep track of wherever he is.
If he were to return, would your mother really want him back, knowing that this could happen again? At her age, that's a lot to take from a husband.
Yes. Your mom can pay you want she wants. But, the problem arrises if she needs Medicaid in the next 5 years.
Hopefully, she has his retirement and Social Security.
The fact that he wants the house sold to meet her needs would indicate that he is not totally without decent scruples, so let us hope he cooperates fully when contacted by a lawyer to resolve the details about splitting assets. But don't leave it as just his word.
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