I'm living with my elderly mom who is showing signs of early dementia. I moved in with her at her invitation almost two years ago when my dad went in to long term care. At the time I had lost my full time job, and have not been able to find another one. (I have some health issues myself.). I do work part-time, but it would not allow me to get my own place.
She has these fits where she verbally abuses me, putting me down for losing my job, accusing me of not helping with stuff (even though she gets upset when I offer to help,), etc. She then proceeds to threaten to throw me out.
Can she do this?
Anyway, my father always said "Finding a job, is a full time job", perhaps you need to put more effort into finding a full time job. Eventually you will most likely have to move anyway, so why not make a plan to get back on your feet.
Good Luck!
I've said it before...
"These are very difficult topics with many possible solutions, which is why this message board even exists. We are all just trying to give advice based on our own experiences. You don't have to take the advice, and you can even disagree with it, but know that we are all just trying to help."
However, I have the feeling that your mother isn't going to kick you out and she says things like that as a "power play" that is what my mother was doing. "You have to do this or I will kick you out!" "You know, if it wasn't for me you would have no where to live." "This is my house and so you have to do xyz or I'll kick you out." See where I am going with this? These are a few things my mother use to say to me then one day, I just told her "I am moving out!" My mother's tune change real quick. The truth of the matter was she just wanted someone to bully and really didn't want to live alone in this big old house! So, when I told her I was moving out it deflated her sails...she stop!
You have done nothing wrong. Keep looking for a full-time job. Put your name on as many of the Section list as you can, plus some landlords take Section 8 for their apartments so look into them as well!
Some people really don't get just how hard it is in today's world then add that your own mother wants to hurt you can be enough to drive you insane!
Just hang in there "this to shall pass."
Hugs!!!
If you wanted to make it difficult she might have to go to court to have you evicted.
I have to wonder why you would want to stay in a house where someone verbally abuses you.
There are ways to obtain housing assistance and depending on your age Senior Housing might be an option.
Have you looked into financial assistance for yourself?
Have you looked to determine if you qualify for SS Disability?
If you think she is not capable or safe living on her own you could make a report to Adult Protective Services and they would follow up. (this would be once you have moved out if you are providing care for her now)
But bottom line..
Her house...her rules. If she wants you out then you have to leave. (I am assuming you have no rental agreement in writing)
I'm sorry you're not feeling well this morning Mom, but you still need to eat a little something.
I'm sorry your knee is sore this afternoon, maybe it will feel better after you keep it up and the swelling in your lower legs goes down.
I'm sorry you're out of sorts today.
We can be truly sorry someone is upset or in pain without in any way being "wrong" or responsible. I consider these statements an acknowledgement of another's emotional state and an attempt to comfort. As I told the kids long ago, you should always be able to sincerely state you are sorry/regret someone you care about is having a hard time whatever reasons created their difficulty. I find these acknowledgements helpful when dealing with people in physical or emotional pain or suffering dementia.
But I don't think whether she can or will or would want to kick you out onto the streets is the real question. Isn't this more about how to get your own life back on track, and at the same time make sure she has the support she needs, when your living in the same house with her has become stressful and difficult?
Is your father still living in long term care? How is your mother coping with life generally?
Do you have any support with your own needs?
The only answer is to get OUT of there asap, like Rbuser1 said. Keep looking for a fulltime job and don't give up hope. It took me for-freaking-ever to find my current job and it came along when I least expected it.
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed on the next leg of your journey, my friend.
This is a really tough spot to be in...on one hand, you feel that you can't leave them in the state they are in, but you can't stay and be abused! Just try to help where you can and try not to be overly helpful ; I found out that this was making my mother feel threatened. I need let her know I was here to help...in time she started letting me do more.
Only you can figure out what is the best road to take in this very hard and hurtful situation.
Save yourself and don't look back.
Hugs and good luck and you deserve a better life!!
Ask forgiveness and start being indispensable to the household, because she can kick you out and I would bet she doesn't need to do a legal eviction, one 911 call and you would be gone.