My dad has dementia. my mom does nothing to help him. she is not involved in his care nor will she do anything to the house to protect him. i have removed rugs and dangerous items so he will not hurt himself only to see it has been replaced. I have begged mom to look for nursing home care but has not done anything yet. i have found one for him but she will not do the paper work for him to be placed. Mom has about 300k cash and she does not want to use any of the money for his care. She continues to say I have to worry about me now. Mom is now going to a lawyer to protect herself her money, really his money because she has not worked a day in her life. I love my dad so much and just want him to be cared for. I have even thought about early retirement to care for him myself however I can't care for him and myself with no income. The other siblings are only worried about mom and money. No one has visited dad since he has entered the psych facility except for myself. I am sick to my stomach as to who my mother has become and my siblings aren't supporting dad at all. Only mom and money. Can she really get away with this?
When my father became ill with Parkinson's and then colitius, my mother was more angry than concerned. She would postpone his doctor's appointments because she basically didn't want to be bothered. She complained bitterly about a walker a neighbor had loaned him, or the handheld shower my brother installed for him. My father was 81 and falling. She didn't care. She just didn't want to be bothered. He fell in the back yard and she made fun of him calling for help, numerous times. She had no pity for the guy.
Now dad was not a nice guy and they well well matched. Mom basically wanted him in a nursing home so someone else could take care of him. I told her she would be penniless. She took it that I was concerned about my inheritance, not so.It took her grandson sitting down and explaining to her what she would have left if dad went into a nursing home to get her attention. So when he died shortly after due to heart failure, she was relieved.
Yes, your mother would lose alot of her money. That concern is a real one. But what speaks more to me are the little things she does. The not wanting to move the rug, etc. That sounds exactly like my mother who is a very selfish woman. I think you need to talk with your siblings about the money but they need to realize your mother is probably a very selfish individual. She may not be giving your father the best care he could get. My dad may have lived much longer if he had have had someone to look after him and make sure he saw the doctor in time and took his medications. Mom was not his advocate. You can be your Dad's advocate and understand the money situation. And yes, she can do with the money what she wishes. So sad, reminds me of my lovely family.
$300K doesn't go far these days, so I understand your mother's concern. However, if your father should need to go into a NH, you could see if he can qualify for Medicaid. The state will not be interested in impoverishing your mother, so will consider half of their assets as hers. I don't know how that works. A more knowledgeable person should be able to tell you more.
I'm not saying your mom has dementia, just saying that we were caught by surprise - we thought MIL was just being a bit coldhearted. How was their relationship before this? Could she be just reeling from the shock of having to deal with all his issues and make all these decisions?
There are people who do want to keep their parents money out of the loop when it comes to paying for a nursing home. Could be your siblings are supporting your mom in this thinking and they are all working to achieve this together.
If your dad is in a psych facility and no one in the family addresses where he goes next, the social worker at the facility will step in and someone will become responsible for dad and his half of their shared assets.
It got pretty bad for us before it got better, good luck.
My mom is selfish. She is a horrible person. I knew that before but because of my upbringing ...forgive and forget....not this time.
Dad made sure she had everything she ever needed and she treats him like this...I really do not expect my mom to live in poverty, she knows she will be taken care of by all of her children. Together she will be well taken care of. And once my dad passes she has another 200k to spend.
When her own mother was ill she wouldn't care for her so I guess I shouldn't be surprised about this. Thanks for your comment. Her true colors are what they are and I see everything clearly now.
I have learned that dads Will has been reviewed. I asked why, well that started a whole new argument. It seems the women in my family only care about who is getting what and not the more important subject of dads care. Sad thing is dad couldn't stop telling mom I love you during our visit....her response was I know.