Our mom is 85 years old. She has significant short term memory lapses, but otherwise seems to have retained much of her mental capacity. Over the last 3 years her ability to care for herself has disappeared almost entirely. Bathroom mishaps are daily. She needs help in the shower. She and the house are developing an unpleasant odor. She is no longer able to safely cook or clean. She has fallen several times in the last 6 months. She has also developed a great deal of aggressive fear, anger and frustration.
Her primary caregiver is my sister; and I am on this forum on her behalf. She is at her wits end. She also has advanced MS. Our mom’s needs will soon (or already have) exceed my sister’s physical and emotional ability to meet.
Over the years, my sister has hired two different in-home caregivers/house keepers. Our mom has run them off. We have also visited many different senior living facilities. We have promising conversations until it’s time to write a check. Mom isn’t going to move willingly.
Question: Is there any way we can move our mom into a senior living facility against her will? If so, what’s involved. We are in New Jersey.
I'm sorry. I was told the same thing with my dad. I had to wait until he could not comprehend his care before a doctor would agree he couldn't make his own decisions. Until then there was a lot of poop and pee and stink and falling down and 911 and emergency room visits.
If no one has PoA and she won't assign one, then guardianship would be the only other option: by a family member or by the county.
2ndly, does Sister live with Mom?
Advice can be more accurate with these details.
To answer your questio "Against someone's will?" Yes, BUT...
Must be within the law.
(That's where the POA or Guardianship comes in).
DeckApe's situation happens a lot 😕. Things sometimes have to get messy or dangerous before change is forced.
These are the short cuts;
1. The Unsafe Discharge: health event-hospital-rehab-home (if suitable) or longterm care (if not).
2. Mental Health Crises: risk of injury to self or others, extreme fear/paranoia-EMS-hospital-neuro review-capacity testing-home (when stable), rehab or care (if not).
3. The Carer Quits: if the main caregiver gives notice, this can force the person to accept other forms of help. Or force a crises quickly.
To you & sister it may look obvious Mom can't self care.
But lack of insight can happen to elders (& any age with brain conditions/injuries or mental health problems). Anosognosia is the medical term.
I was trying to figure out a way to have her see a physician but there's very few physicians who actually make housecalls any more, so this is what I did:
1. When your mother falls, call the squad.
2. Have the squad take her to the hospital for an evaluation.
And then you should be able to go from there regarding getting her and all of you the help that is needed. The hospital will have social workers who can help you determine and arrange the steps to take.