I would imagine that during the pandemic lots of people started facing this challenge. I'd love to know people's strategies for balancing care work and working at your paid job when they're both under the same roof.
I've been trying to work it out, but I find it incredibly challenging even though I have a very flexible job. Here's an example. I'm working to a deadline on a project today. Things I've been interrupted about this morning include, but are not limited to:
- Dad wants his socks put on and help getting dressed (2 separate times)
- Dad's ready for breakfast
- Dad dropped his glasses and is on a phone call and needs them
- Dad doesn't ask the questions I asked him to ask, when talking to a medical care provider, so I have to call back and ask
- Dad can't breathe after going to the bathroom so needs the window opened and me to hand him his puffer
- Hot water heater stopped working, Dad can't get to the basement to investigate
- Electric company person needs to talk to me so I can tell them specifics about the fuse box. I go up and down the basement stairs 4x to get all the info.
And it's only 2pm.
Despite what this might sound like, my dad really is not a demanding person. He's asking me all this lightheartedly and is grateful - but I'm new to full-time caregiving and am quickly learning that I can't be on-call 24/7. How do other people handle working from home while caregiving? Do you have "office hours" where you can't be disturbed for example?
Thanks for any input!
I suggest you hire a caregiver during your paid working hours to care for dad, on his dime, of course. Otherwise, your job performance will suffer.
There are only 24 hours in a day for each of us. Only one set of hands for each of us as well. As a result, there is only SO much we can do with those hours and those hands and no more. But for some reason, we think we can do it all and don't realize the TRUE toll caregiving takes on us! Especially in-home caregiving that's 24/7, in reality.
Good luck!
You mentioned having a schedule, I think that's where I should start. Thank you for your reply. I hope things are going okay for you!
If he managed then can he still manage or has he declined to the point where you would have had to have caregivers in to be with him?
If he has not declined and this is just because you are available that he is asking you to do things then it is up to you to set boundaries and stick to them. When you are working close your “office” door and post your hours. Come out for lunch then go back to work and come out when your work day is over.
If he has declined then you need to hire caregivers (dad pays for them) and they show up a bit before you “go to work” so you can brief them. Then they are not to interrupt you until lunch.
Or look for Adult Day Care for dad.
If this doesn't work then he really isn't seeing the boundaries and he won't be learning them due to his progressive cognitive and health decline. You'll just orbit around him more and more because he is becoming less and less able. There won't be a balance to allow for your full attention to your job. You will need to decide when the caregiving goes over the line to onerous. The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both parties, the receiver and the giver. When it's not working for 1 of you, it's not working at all. You can put some interim strategies in place but eventually you will be a full-time caregiver with no time for your actual job. You need to plan now to prevent this from happening. This forum is a wealth of practical and real-life information. Make sure to read under the topic Caregiver Burnout. I wish you much clarity and wisdom -- bless you for being there for him!
Why has this always been on the horizon for you?
What are your father's finances? Can he afford Assisted Living? Can he pay for caregivers during the day so that you can work?
How about getting a caretaker for 3 or 4 hours a day so you can have uninterrupted work time. If you're at his house for working time, you need to anticipate some of his needs in advance. Like if he can't put his socks on, then make sure he is all dressed and has had breakfast, etc. before you start working.
Then tell him "Do not ask me for any help until noon unless it is a true emergency".
He has COPD, so there are days when he's pretty independent but also days when his symptoms are terrible and he's almost totally disabled. I think your idea of hiring a daytime caregiver is a really good idea and I will definitely look into it. Thanks!
It's called adrenaline, I was fueled by it.
I suggest you get reliable help. I also suggest you take care of yourself. Eat healthy, some yoga, etc., it does help.
If you can, have someone to vent on.
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