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My 93 year old mom has been in a big memory care facility for 7 months and is having a rough time with all the commotion and unchecked behavior of younger Alzheimer's residents.
While she's not bedridden she has had many falls and several compressed veterbrae
I don't want to move her to a nursing home but need to make a change away from from where she is as it is unsafe and what too expensive

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I recall all the issues that you have had with her facility. It's really too bad too. It seems that I recall that your mom also had some issues. Is that right? Maybe, her conduct is saying that she does need a smaller environment. Is that why you are considering it? You might consider a small Memory Care facility or one that is a wing of a larger regular AL. I have never actually been inside one of the home boarding places, though, I have rode by a few.

When I moved my cousin from regular AL to a small Secure Memory Care AL, I looked online at a list of all the state licensed memory care facilities that were in reasonable driving distance from me. I narrowed down the places, including some home boarding type places, called and even went to visit some in person. Those home boarding places are normally full, but I didn't have the option of getting on a waiting list.

Have you considered a small Memory Care facility or one that is a wing of a larger AL? The one I found is small and family owned. It's not perfect, but, I don't have that many complaints. She tells me she likes it there and that they are all very nice. Plus, the rooms are super large.
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MsMadge, my best friend's Mom kept her mother (BF grandmother) home with her until her mini-Parkinson's and dementia kept her fully bedridden and wheelchair bound. She found a small residential facility in MI with less than 20 residents and the owner lived there and supervised staff. Grandma was very happy there and had "new friends" every day (she forgot daily staff but they were kind). She lived at the Loving Care home for 18 months quite affordably. The smaller care homes can be great if you don't require lots of direct medical care, but more custodial care.
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My Mother with dementia is now in a small, 39 room, facility. It is designed for dementia patients, with their safety and concerns in mind. The staff are specifically trained to work with the issues that are unique to dementia and Alzheimer's sufferers. Look for a facility of this type. "Enlivent" companies offer these facilities. Look for one or similar in your area. They do come with a price tag, but it's doable.
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Bumping this up; I think it's a very good question.

Nursing home, though, are not JUST for bedridden patients. My mom was ambulatory when she was admitted. But her CHF and various pulmonary problems qualified her medically for NH care.
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Sunny
Thanks- I realize there's no place like home but I need to move her for both financial reasons and her safety - she has told me she can't take it there anymore - I have visited three other memory care facilities which are smaller than her 62 bed facility now but didn't find them appropriate - she primarily needs custodial care but because she is difficult to handle with the dementia even on seroquel I'm afraid she won't last anywhere for long
Her doctors have no suggestions and just say there aren't many choices
While my siblings have completely walked away I can't and won't and she still wants to enjoy life so I'll still fight to give her a chance
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My mom was in Hearthomes, and she had a private room. She seemed to like it. Maybe 20 patients? I can't recall. It was fairly quiet, she liked the food, and she got decent care. Move your mom out of that place, If possible.
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Hi, I put my disabled brother into a tiny facility, one floor, in a small town. He's on the residential care end with 10 others, and he's there because he falls too often and has too much difficulty organizing his own life. The facility also houses others with medical and dementia issues - I find something that helps him, is that he has regular routines of 2 times out of the facility each week.

Just that extra attention to some positive individuality gets them to treat him better I think. I don't like usual facilities - group oriented care is very demeaning, especially if it's all the time. I don't like the model - the meds make it easy for staff to not have to brainstorm about what changes could make things go better.

I don't know if it's possible for you, or if it would help, to hire an aide from outside, who could go regularly - and if not an aide, someone who can be regular for 3 hours a shift once a week. Some in those programs do hire aides. (I've been hired as an aide to get a pt w Alzheimers up and into the shower in the am. I ended up quitting, when I found the staff focus was on my communication about arbitrary little rules, when I was the only aide who made it my challenge to make sure the woman actually did get up and shower. I started early with her, roused her gently with arm around her, joked with her, let her wake and started talking about shower, then pause, and chat other things, then mention shower positively, and it took about 20 min, and I was inching her towards the bed edge during that time. Then I could say "good, OK, I'll help you up - and guide her to get up and come with me and I'd walk her into the shower room, often ended up as wet as she was, by the time all was done.

I hated that other individually hired aides with the same job would write on their report, "patient refused shower" and they gave up, did not give them, just gave a bed wipe - after I left, that woman got an infection so bad, she needed pain/oxygen hospital for months.

They don't do enough persuasion with attention and patience, much is lost when staff are always rushing.

My brother's facility has great local music, at least twice a month, and the place is small enough, that humanity comes through. It sits on flat land, so my brother can walk outdoors with a walker. I work to affirm their efforts, even if I sometimes complain, say this is not right sometimes, and meet with higher ups, but my goal is to do my best to express that I understand they are busy and challenged, but ask for special help at times, and notice each good thing they do for him, so the interest in quality does come up often enough.

Choose a spot where there are outside visitors easily, including you, and if you can't get there dependably, hire one person, one day a week, to go and do special activities for a couple of hours each week, chosen by you, with your mom.
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I moved our mother into a private assisted living/age in place home that only had 4-5 residents. Each person had their own bedroom. There was a dining room and a community room. They had a patio with shade out back. Complete personal care including laundry, medicine management, bathing, all meals freshly cooked, activity person who visited, library visits, adult senior bus if needed and social events like cookout with families invited.They did not provide overnight awake staff but did have bed alarms if a person got out of bed. Due to dementia in the end I paid separately for overnight wake staff. I took our mother to all Doctor appointments. In the end my mother was brought back to this place to die since there was nothing that the hospital could do for her. The cost was $3000 a month.
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Just be sure to visit the group home unannounced. I placed my mother in a clean group home run by a family. They told me my mother enjoyed watching television with the other residents. When I visited, I found her strapped in a chair facing the TV. She wasn't uncomfortable, but past the stage where she could comprehend what was happening.
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Thank you all for sharing your stories - since I work close to 60 hours a week it was important to me to have her nearby when I initially placed her and having made the decision while the Medicare clock was ticking during a hospital stay I've regretted it ever since

We are in a suburb of Los Angeles and costs are very high - facility is $300 a day plus $450 a month for diapers - since she fell there in her room during the night I've had private caregivers with her 12 hours a day adding another $260 a day to the tab - if I pull them she will be in harm's way - I visit 3- to 4 times a week sometimes very late at night and put her to bed since they would just let her sleep in her clothes without a diaper and not even have her walker nearby - once it was folded up and put in a corner - no doubt how she fell her first month there

If I could find a nice home for even $6,000 a month I could keep private aides 4 hours a day and pay less than her facility now - she is very dependent upon me and calls my name when she wakes up during the night - it's heartbreaking to me
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