I am completely dismayed that the doctor at the nursing home rehabilitation center deemed my mom competent and having the right to live independently. Since July, she has fallen three times, left burners on for the stove (one time burning the plastic cover for the stove hood), forgotten how to do daily tasks including properly cleaning her body, and forgotten how to use most appliances. She has mild dementia (with delusions, confusion, and memory loss), a bad knee, a mild heart problem, high blood pressure, high sugar, and a bowel disorder. She has forgotten to take medicine and had muscle atrophy from sleeping 16 hours a day. I even protested that having her go back to her apartment is an unsafe discharge and that there were safer options (my house or assisted living). They even let her refuse follow up physical therapy after release from skilled nursing rehab. So I guess I just get to watch her destroy herself again as she goes back to not doing or forgetting medication, bathing, eating, and some activity. I have a medical POA, but with the doctor declaring competency, it's no good. Frustrated.
Great. I believe them. I'm convinced.
That frees you to make YOUR own choices as well.
Or not to. I don't see a third option.
You can stay and just do this slave labor and let her remain endangered in the home, or let APS know you are leaving. Let her doctor know as well. And maybe she IS competent. And will make better decisions when you are off the scene. Because all that hiring our of shopping and getting to appointments, etc. That's gonna be WORK.
In any case, we all die. So if this is her choice, locking out the world and making a slave of her daughter I guess I would make this so that she has the same choices with no slave. Currently she is being enabled. Why would she choose another way?
And, again, the choice is yours. Leave her a good alarm system for around her neck, all the phone numbers and bow away, telling her you are harming her by enabling her bad choices. You can even outfit the home with cameras if she wishes; if not, don't.
Again, we all do die and I say that as an 82 year old. Were I to make choices like this I would expect my daughter NOT to enable me in them. And if I chose to die on the floor, then perhaps it's as good a choice as any, because in facility care is a comfort to the family, but not much else. When we start this decline, there's little that can make a meaningful difference for us. And I feel that way more and more and more. For her she is looking at in-facility or my own home and she's choosing the latter. There's zero you can do about that.
Set up a camera system in home. Provide a nice alarm necklace. Give her number to call for help with her shopping and food and etc and bow away gracefully.
Or continue to do as you are doing?
Again, do you see a third choice I am missing? As I see it you have tried EVERYTHING.
That's the beginning of the end.
Make it clear to APS that if she is not helped that you yourself are stepping back and leaving the 911 number with her, and that she could likely lose her life from a fire.
Let them know that she is endangering her life and there is nothing you can do about it even with a POA and you will not enable her remaining in an unsafe circumstance.
Where is her own doctor in this?
What testing has she had done from Neuro-psyc and what were the results.
Time to take action. Even if it means ambulance to the ER and leaving her there.
Leaves pans on the stove
Falls. 3x in one week.
doesn't control her diabetes
Your POA does not mean you need to care for your Mom or be at her beck and call. Nothing in the paperwork says that. It just means your in charge of her finances and Medical when she is declared incompetent. Even if POA is immediate, my Mom made her own decisions until she couldn't.
I'm sorry but what you are discribing is more than mild Dementia. Was the Dr at Rehab a Neurologist or Phychiatrist? If not and just a GP, he really is not qualified to make this type of decision. You need to get a formal Dementia Diagnosis and place Mom if you cannot care for her. You have the Rehab Dr. claiming she can live alone. You called APS. Get their reports deeming ger competent. That way if something happens you gave proof of competency. You did your best.
Read your Medical PoA form to see what is required to activate your PoA. It is usually 1 official medical diagnosis. Ask for the diagnosis on the clinic letterhead and signed by the doctor specifically saying that she has sufficient impariment to require the intervention of the PoA. I needed such a letter as FPoA for my Mom and Aunt. Are your also your Mom's financial PoA? If so, you will need this eventually.
You will need a doc who understands elder issues. You need to get her in and discretely ask for a cognitive and memory test through either her medical portal or a note, where you outline what concerning behaviors you are witnessing. I've done this for 2 elders in my family and the medical teams are happy to accommodate this request.