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Is your Mom using a LOT of the cream? Couldn't you just let her use it, and tell her she has to use it sparingly, because it's expensive. Maybe it's a small feeling of luxury to her, and makes her feel special to use it. Maybe she thinks it makes your face look so wonderful, and it will help her face look better as well. Seems like it would be worth it to allow her to use it. Something to think about, anyway. :) Best wishes.
Yea, I know..seems so trivial, but she is using alot of it and she will deny using it. Maybe I'll ask her if she wants me to pick up some for her next time I go to the store. I can't believe I am talking about this. Why am I so annoyed?
My mom got into ALL of my makeup and creams, etc. Expensive brushes, the whole deal. it got so I didn't have any makeup and when I tried to brush on some powder one day, the brushes were greasy and useless.
To my mom, my makeup was a big toybox so I just let it all go. She had a blast with it all and I just stopped wearing makeup and worrying about it.
I know that may not be an option for you, but your mom is experiencing dementia and she's going to do what she wants and you have to either stage the area (hide stuff, leave cool, safe stuff out so she has some 'toys') or have arguments about it.
There is no right or wrong here and believe me I know it's annoying but you're not going to win this one so you can make it easier on both of you by realizing that there is no 'teaching', there is no 'reasoning', there is no 'sanity'; there's only a lady with a brain disease who wants to play in your makeup and cream.
I was lucky early on with my mom to have a doc say to me when I was griping: What do you want?!? She's Demented!.
Oh. ok, I get it.
Mom played with 600 bucks of Estee Lauder for a long time. I figured that I certainly got my money's worth every time I would 'catch' mom in the makeup and having a ball. ehh, so what?
Think about training a dog. When you learn how to train a dog what you are actually learning is how to train yourself to communicate with the dog. In this case you are going to have to train yourself to cope with dementia and the myriad of symptoms it presents, one of which is to play in your daughter's makeup/creams/ointments and then deny it!
Drive you crazy? You bet! if you let it.
Good Luck kiddo and know that everybody here is in your corner!
It sure helps to talk about it! But I have to say she is not playing or having a ball..she is just using my cream and she knows it. I will get over this and just bite the bullet and buy some more. Guess I'll just put my stuff somewhere else in the future. I hate playing these stupid games. I guess that all comes with the situation though. Can't let it get to me...I'm only hurting myself.
I could be totally wrong but I wonder if your annoyance at your mom also has to do with a loss of your "private space". She's kind of invaded your personal territory and you have no control over it since you're not there. It would be like a parent reading your diary and then denying it when you could tell he/she'd been in it.
If that's the case, I think that's totally understandable! That's one thing that we as caregivers give up...along with a lot of other things. Maybe finding some additional private space where you can have things that your mom doesn't have access to will help you maintain your sense of independence and personal space.
Blannie1 may have hit the nail right on the head when she asked if Mom using the cream isn't more about her invading personal territory than anything else. If so, then that presents another question that needs solving. But if it is JUST about the face cream, then I'd say buy Mom a tube of the cream and make a gift of it. And after that, when that tube is empty and if she can afford it, ask her for the money and tell her you will pick up another tube. If she can't afford it, maybe you can give her another one. But is there more to this problem than is being acknowledged?
its all good . buy her a tube that looks like yours and let her enjoy it . it makes her feel like a woman . lalala my step mom wore make up for years and when she got worst on alz , whoa what a face !!! she looked like a clown ! it made her feel so pretty and thinks shes done wonderful . yeah u look great !!! shes happy and im happy .
That is soooo true! It is my personal stuff and I feel she should respect SOME personal space. It is an invasion of my space...It won't change though..she goes in our bedroom and sniffs around....so I just hide my good stuff. I'm over it now...but thoses thoughts are RIGHT ON!
Stuck, I certainly wouldn't want someone snooping in my bedroom either. I can see why it would bother anyone. I suppose it would be a nuisance to put an extra lock on your bedroom door so that when your mother is in the house alone, she can't get into that room? I admit I would find it annoying to always have to have the key with me to lock or unlock my own bedroom door but it WOULD help with the privacy idea. Just a thought but it may not be worth much.
I have thought about that...trust me. But why should I have to lock MY door? She is the pupritrator and I am put out by her actions. Just p....... me of. We may end up putting a lock on the door...man what a life!!!!
Stuck - when my mom moved in with me (way before she was diagnosed with Alz), I would wake up to find her in my bedroom. She was just watching me. Now I think that maybe she was thinking back to when I was a child and checked on me at night. Either way, she was in my room, which was my only personal space left (I went from living alone and having a whole house to myself to only having my room).
There are two doors to my room. For some reason, she would only use one of them. The one with the lock. I started locking the door and she stopped coming in. I don't care that I had to lock my door - it helped me sleep better knowing I wouldn't wake up and have her watching me.
Now, several months later, I no longer lock the door. She has lost interest. While I'm glad, I am also saddened. There are several things that mom used to do that annoyed me. But now that she has stopped, I miss them because it shows she is losing interest in things.
Protect your privacy - it is important. But don't be surprised if you miss your mom stealing your face cream when she stops. At least right now she is still interested in trying to take care of herself.
Stuck, We've pretty much all been there and dealt with the same issues. If she has dementia, sometimes it's easiest to think of her in your mind as a 2-3 yr old. You can talk to them and try to reason but they don't have the ability to grasp what you're saying. She's the same way. As with dealing with kids, someone has to be the adult. The transition that you have to make in your mind is that now YOU'RE the adult and SHE is the child. Putting it into the correct perspective helps immensely in dealing with the headaches and sacrafices that we make. I was lucky with this area. We never took the child safety locks off of our cabinet doors and drawers from when my daughter was younger. Grandma can't work them so I took the lock off of one drawer and cabinet in the bathroom for her to use for her stuff and our stuff stays separate in the locked ones. It's also safer as the dementia gets worse, too. It's face cream for her face now but down the road it might be hemrroid cream on her toothbrush. You just never know what to expect from dementia. I've also found in my case that I could buy her a cheaper cream and as long as I rave about it and tell her how much better it is than mine, she'll believe me and be tickled pink with it. My grandmother loves the Oil Of Olay face cream that you get at the grocery store, Walmart, Target, etc....because it's been around forever and she's familiar with the namebrand. As for child safety locks on the cabinets and a lock on your bedroom door...if you want any privacy, do it. Grandma complained about it for the first few days. Drove her nuts that she couldn't get to the cookware in the kitchen or the towels and stuff in the bathroom but after a few days, she finally got over it and that was the end of it. Good luck!!
My Mother does not have demenita yet...it is starting, but, one of the resasons it upsets me is that she DOES know what the cream is, she knows exactly what she is doing and she has plenty of money to buy her own. But I know that she has started down that road. It was just easier to hide it. Thanks for all the support and presenting different ways to cope with the loss of personal space.
Wasn't it always easier to hide it, even B4 U asked the question, I'm just asking. Seemed like the only remedy to me but then again folks say that I'm crazy anyway.
Pamela, You know it is just the principle of the thing...why should I have to hide my stuff? She is not in deminta yet and is perfectly capable of knowing exactly what she is doing. Why can't she just say to me that she liked my cream and could I get some for her next time I go to the store? No...she would rather use mine...she has more expendable income than I do. Where is the respect for others personal property? I don't sneak into her room and use her stuff. I ask...when I am out of excederine and I am sure she has all the drugs. It is just the sneaky way she did it and getting into my personal items.It took me awhile to figure it out...wondered why the first tube went so fast. Yeah...I hide it now...better than the confrontation. I am irritated at her for other things too...just the last straw.
Girl don't you know it's the whole sneaky thing, just the fact that she CAN is why she DOES. Yep you should have hid it but you didn't know what was happening and I probably shouldn't have been such a smart azz in saying that, it just seemed the only remedy to me.
She may not even like it, it's just the idea that it's YOURS and she CAN and she knows you won't say anything.
Irritated, you want irritated I was at momz 2day to finish spray painting a tresses for my moms garden. When it was done and needed to dry she asked me to replant about 4 different plants. I didn't come over for that and I told her and each time I told her she'd say something else about something else and come right back to replant the plants for me. Finally I just did it. I replanted 2 and got the heck on outta there.
As I was wheeling her in she asked me to put cocoa butter on her face, remember my mom thinks cocoa butter is the magical cure that straightens up your face. I washed my hands, applied the cocoa butter, and headed right on out of there.....irritated.
I know this has little to do with your story but thank you for listening to me vent.
Hide it or put some other jar full of something that is cheaper in its place. When she asks where the jar of whatever she was sneaking is, then you can tell her, "It was too expensive, so I looked for something similar to the smell, but less inexpensive". That should do it. Here's hoping! Good luck!
(1) Draw the line and let her have it -- and I don't mean the cream; (2) Share it -- let her pay half; (3) Hide it under lock and key -- which she'll probably pick it anyway; (4) Have her buy her own -- flip the script on her and break into her room to use it; or (5) Give her a facelift for Christmas.
That cream of yours must be good stuff. I'm sure your skin is glowing and fresh as the Spring; otherwise she wouldn't steal some of it. Getting older is one of the hardest things to accept, and all of us try to do it gracefully since we can't stop time and cheat mother Nature. Unless she's doing it just to tick you off as some sort of payback, I'm sure that's why she's doing it. Let us know what happens ... plus the name of that cream. My girlfriend can't keep looking better than me all the time.
Well. lets just say I now have a new routine...all my crean is in a new little bag that I get out at night and put away high up in my closet in the am. Problem solved...for now. It is StriVection-SD originally formulated for stretch marks and they found out that it works on fine lines as well. Don't need to use very much though. Thanks all for the input. It's crazy now thought cause she has been SOOOO cooperative...thnk she is starting to realize she just can't be who she once was and her frailties...did I spell that right? that is off the string just thought I might add that.
I had this problem with my daughter when she was younger. She would enter my room and help herself to what ever she wanted. My solution was to put an entrance lock on my bedroom door and lock it when I was not home. Problem solved.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
:o)
My mom got into ALL of my makeup and creams, etc. Expensive brushes, the whole deal. it got so I didn't have any makeup and when I tried to brush on some powder one day, the brushes were greasy and useless.
To my mom, my makeup was a big toybox so I just let it all go. She had a blast with it all and I just stopped wearing makeup and worrying about it.
I know that may not be an option for you, but your mom is experiencing dementia and she's going to do what she wants and you have to either stage the area (hide stuff, leave cool, safe stuff out so she has some 'toys') or have arguments about it.
There is no right or wrong here and believe me I know it's annoying but you're not going to win this one so you can make it easier on both of you by realizing that there is no 'teaching', there is no 'reasoning', there is no 'sanity'; there's only a lady with a brain disease who wants to play in your makeup and cream.
I was lucky early on with my mom to have a doc say to me when I was griping: What do you want?!? She's Demented!.
Oh. ok, I get it.
Mom played with 600 bucks of Estee Lauder for a long time. I figured that I certainly got my money's worth every time I would 'catch' mom in the makeup and having a ball.
ehh, so what?
Think about training a dog. When you learn how to train a dog what you are actually learning is how to train yourself to communicate with the dog. In this case you are going to have to train yourself to cope with dementia and the myriad of symptoms it presents, one of which is to play in your daughter's makeup/creams/ointments and then deny it!
Drive you crazy? You bet! if you let it.
Good Luck kiddo and know that everybody here is in your corner!
lovbob
I could be totally wrong but I wonder if your annoyance at your mom also has to do with a loss of your "private space". She's kind of invaded your personal territory and you have no control over it since you're not there. It would be like a parent reading your diary and then denying it when you could tell he/she'd been in it.
If that's the case, I think that's totally understandable! That's one thing that we as caregivers give up...along with a lot of other things. Maybe finding some additional private space where you can have things that your mom doesn't have access to will help you maintain your sense of independence and personal space.
my step mom wore make up for years and when she got worst on alz , whoa what a face !!! she looked like a clown ! it made her feel so pretty and thinks shes done wonderful . yeah u look great !!! shes happy and im happy .
There are two doors to my room. For some reason, she would only use one of them. The one with the lock. I started locking the door and she stopped coming in. I don't care that I had to lock my door - it helped me sleep better knowing I wouldn't wake up and have her watching me.
Now, several months later, I no longer lock the door. She has lost interest. While I'm glad, I am also saddened. There are several things that mom used to do that annoyed me. But now that she has stopped, I miss them because it shows she is losing interest in things.
Protect your privacy - it is important. But don't be surprised if you miss your mom stealing your face cream when she stops. At least right now she is still interested in trying to take care of herself.
Take care.
I've also found in my case that I could buy her a cheaper cream and as long as I rave about it and tell her how much better it is than mine, she'll believe me and be tickled pink with it. My grandmother loves the Oil Of Olay face cream that you get at the grocery store, Walmart, Target, etc....because it's been around forever and she's familiar with the namebrand. As for child safety locks on the cabinets and a lock on your bedroom door...if you want any privacy, do it. Grandma complained about it for the first few days. Drove her nuts that she couldn't get to the cookware in the kitchen or the towels and stuff in the bathroom but after a few days, she finally got over it and that was the end of it. Good luck!!
She may not even like it, it's just the idea that it's YOURS and she CAN and she knows you won't say anything.
Irritated, you want irritated I was at momz 2day to finish spray painting a tresses for my moms garden. When it was done and needed to dry she asked me to replant about 4 different plants. I didn't come over for that and I told her and each time I told her she'd say something else about something else and come right back to replant the plants for me. Finally I just did it. I replanted 2 and got the heck on outta there.
As I was wheeling her in she asked me to put cocoa butter on her face, remember my mom thinks cocoa butter is the magical cure that straightens up your face. I washed my hands, applied the cocoa butter, and headed right on out of there.....irritated.
I know this has little to do with your story but thank you for listening to me vent.
That should do it. Here's hoping! Good luck!
Here are some suggestions:
(1) Draw the line and let her have it -- and I don't mean the cream;
(2) Share it -- let her pay half;
(3) Hide it under lock and key -- which she'll probably pick it anyway;
(4) Have her buy her own -- flip the script on her and break into her room to use it; or
(5) Give her a facelift for Christmas.
That cream of yours must be good stuff. I'm sure your skin is glowing and fresh as the Spring; otherwise she wouldn't steal some of it. Getting older is one of the hardest things to accept, and all of us try to do it gracefully since we can't stop time and cheat mother Nature. Unless she's doing it just to tick you off as some sort of payback, I'm sure that's why she's doing it. Let us know what happens ... plus the name of that cream. My girlfriend can't keep looking better than me all the time.
Always at your service,
-- ED