Last month, I tore my PCL, Meniscus and also the tendons that connect the Patella to the Tibia in both knees. I am in a lot of pain, cannot walk anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk again.
Am having so much trouble taking care of my 86 year old Mom. She is also in a wheelchair and is low vision. Has had several strokes in the past.
I can barely do it, it's so hard. I have to drag myself around with a Walker, and also have a wheelchair, but I can't reach anything with it in the kitchen/laundry - and I'm exhausted. It's so difficult.
And, of course - we have NO other family, only friends are 2,600 miles away, and we don't know our neighbors (new to the area for a few months) and there's this virus situation, where I can't hire any help at all right now. Everyone is self-isolating social distancing in my county, ... so it's me and only me.
Any advice? (other than Nursing Home/Assisted Living, as that can never be an option for either of us - so please, it won't be at all helpful to me to give advice in that direction. Thank you, kindly)
And, I have to prepare all of the meals, and do all the cleaning, daily laundry & taking out the trash, getting mail, bringing in groceries that are delivered by dragging my legs in a walker. I can stand up in one place for 15-20 seconds at a time. But, can't actually walk without the walker.
Sorry so long, : )
Any ideas, please? I'm hoping my legs will heal some ... but, it 's been 3 weeks and they have not.
Do not give up.
Start by using ice.
See it as a 2-6 wk. challenge to figure out how many things:
1) You can do without.
2) Mom can do without.
3) Can you call a neighbor to bring in your mail after 4 days? No, new neighbors? I would call grubhub to deliver something, and ask the delivery person to bring in your mail.
Note:
The mail delivery person is trained to notice if someone is not picking up their mail and a senior may live there. Maybe they will bring it to your door.
Too bad we moved away from where we used to live and had kind & helpful neighbors there.
I did ask for help from a neighbor after I got hurt, and was denied. They're not very friendly in this neighborhood. I will not forget that lesson...
Hadn't thought of Grub Hub. Have never used a service like that before, just WalMart delivery.
Great idea, I'll look into that. Thank you
And will also work on setting goals instead of feeling sorry for myself.
Please, stop and think. If an NH isn't option because of the fear that they're all terrible places where people go to die... I promise there's many, many people on here who can tell you that isn't their experience for their loved one. If it's not an option because you promised your mother you won't ever place her, then please look at where you both are in this.
This can't go on. Nor can you. It's not a case of pushing your way through, or willpower, or love being enough to sustain you both. You are wearing yourself out before your mother. What is going to happen to her when you just cannot go one one more day, one more minute? When your body gives out? When she falls and you cannot help her because you're permanently disabled?
Because as much as you hope this won't be forever? I'm sorry to say... it will be.
Your mother unfortunately has issues that can maybe be managed for now, until she declines further (as we all do with age). Your issues aren't just being un-managed; they're being ignored. Your heart is in the right place, and no one faults you for wanting to care for her. She is lucky to have a daughter who cares so much!
Please consider that this working your broken body literally to the grave is, ultimately, hurting her. What will happen to her when you're gone or so disabled you cannot safely care for her? You don't want to see her suffer, and she doesn't want to see you suffer either!
Please, call your local area agency on aging and start there. If anything you can try and get some help in the meantime. A place where she can get 24/7 care and attention while you heal, or at least help repair, your own body-- and then still be a consistent part of her care, as any good place would want!-- can mean a longer, happier, healthier life for you both.
Also, please join your neighborhood's NextDoor (social networking) app and get to know more of your neighbors. My neighborhood group has many kind people who are volunteering to run errands/shop for anyone needing help. A neighborhood NextDoor group is a good place to ask for advice for other questions and situations, too.
Yes, I joined Nextdoor - and it's very helpful, and after the "social distancing" is over I 100% intend to use the services offered on there. It's an excellent site - just the timing is bad right now.
A heating pad and ice might help alot if you can do them before your tasks but other than that and setting small goals,I think it's just going to take more time to heal.
Take care as best as you can~
When this virus/social isolation time ends - we will hire some help, as we originally planned.
Thank you again, the suggestions are very helpful.
Edited to add: My Mom is happy with her care, our lives are happy. I've learned there's more to me than a pair of legs. My heart and soul remains the same - so it's just a matter of time to adjust to life the way it is now, and we can do that.
I really do appreciate the time ya'all took to offer advice.
: )
I never said you aren't taking great care of your mother under the circumstances; I'm sure you are. What I was saying is that you won't be able to keep caring for her and not take care of yourself and your injuries. You're not a bad person. Just overwhelmed.
Of course you love your mother and want to care for her and you're doing the best you can! That is obvious. Of course you're more than a pair of legs!
You can't disregard your physical body AND care for your mother without losing one or the other. Please at least see an orthopedist and explain you are a caretaker. My mother was able to get physical therapy at home when she broke her leg.
How on earth did you manage to do that to yourself?! What happened?
Speaking of help, you obviously need some additional help in the home. I would start with home health services to see what your mom could qualify for. This is way too much for you to handle, especially in your current condition.
Meals on wheels?
How about moving into an apartment in a building for elderly and disabled that should be handicapped accessible?
Hope you get your situation improved ASAP.
And, after "Social Distancing" has been lifted, will be hiring a Health Care Aide to assist, once or twice a week. But, by that time - I may not need it, as I'm slowly adapting and learning to pace myself better.
Can get around in the house, am adapting/learning. The shower has built-in handicapped bars already, which is a help.
So, thought I'd come here for suggestions.
Options;
#A Hire home help. See what you quality for or self-pay.
#B Move to where there is help provided. A place with full levels of care, with IL or AL for you & either AL or NH for Mum.
Sorry but I can't think of any other real options.
There are no magical cures for injury, medical ailments or age. I wish there were.
Ask Your Doctors...Yes, Both Of You for PALLIATIVE CARE....