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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Is she a danger to herself? Is she unable to care for her basic needs? Would she be okay with a little in-home help? If she can maintain her home with a little help, let her stay in place. If she is truly in danger, she needs to come live near you, or a family member needs to go to her. My Mom moved across country to be near us and has received excellent care. But, she still longs for "home." There is never a perfect situation...just shoot for the best one. Good luck....Lilli
She has early dementia and will not accept in-home help either. My husband is her only child and is traveling at least once a month to check on her. We're looking into retirement communities in our area. Thanks for commenting, Lilli.
We have a similiar situation with my in-laws. Only child living 12 hours away - they have moved in with us and long for home. We approached it as just for this season - not so overwhelming to accept as forever - then the "season" gets extended. You would not leave a small child alone - it is the same thing - you are responsible for your family and are doing the right thing. She has gotten to do it her way for 88 years. We don't always get what we want and I know how hard it is to reason with someone in that state - my in-laws are both early Alzheimer's - but again we don't always reason with a child - this is just the way it has to be now and try to find a favorite thing to entice her. Good luck!
We have a similar situation, only my mother lived two blocks away until she had her stroke. I am an only child. We tried to have my mother's renter and a few caregivers help my mother, but she only wanted me to help her. She did not want to live with us, and her doctor said she needed supervision 24/7. We discovered the Emeritus Assisted Living Home in Vacaville, CA just 10 min. away. There are several scattered throughout the states. We have been so pleased w/their concept of family. Mom's long-term CalPERS pays about 1/2 of the cost; we changed her Dr. and she visits my mother every two weeks. My mother longs for home and asks often, but at the Emeritus A.L. Dementia support group they taught the relatives how to "disengage and redirect the conversation". I thought the advice you received above was so good. Esp. about "extending the season", and relate to the loved one as you would a small child--being the protector, nurturer and supporter. We cannot reason with my mother, but we can channel her energies elsewhere (we take each situation as it comes and do the RIGHT THING and not go with our emotions) then we are blessed. Our family seeks God in prayer and the scriptures each day as well. May God bless you and may you have wisdom and discernment during this difficult time. We are thankful for this site!
If she resists your every effort, see if there is a geriatric care manager in her area to assess her needs & coordinate care
As a last resort, you could ask her doctor to evaluate her, provide a written assessment of his findings, have her declared incompetent and/or call Adult Protective Services in your state to see that she is moved to a care facility..
If she can manage the four basic life activities then she could stay in her own apt., even if it is 1000 miles from your home. The four activities of life are : Feeding oneself, Bathing oneself, Managing one's continence, and some form of mobility by yourself. If she is TERMINAL, then by all means, move her closer to you so you can keep an eye on her and visit with her frequently.
Thanks for all the guidance. We have been working with in-home elder care in her area, but mom refuses the help. Currently her housekeeper checks on her and takes her to doctor's appts when we're not there. This wonderful person is telling us it's too hard on her, as she has other obligations. No, our mom isn't able to tend to all her own needs, and she has frequent fainting spells as well as early dementia with memory loss and depression. She is a very stubborn and has always been independent, more so after becoming a widow 20 yrs ago. We are trying to work with her doctors, but she presents well, as if nothing has changed, when she has her office visits, including the psychiatrist. She denies everything. Our chief concern is her safety. She has a medic alert pendant that she also refuses to use. All this came to light when she stayed in bed all day, unable to get up, and waited for the housekeeper to come in. She was in the hospital for a week. We've been trying to address this for a year. We're afraid the next step may have to be legal, but that's the last thing we want to have to do.
I completely understand, I would not call in a guardian, only as a last , last resort. Hire a Geriatric Case Manager, they can do evaluations, and can do it very un-assumming, and unbiased opinions. Dementia patients can do better in their own homes, and Alzheimer's .com has good resources, for financial options, and talking with mom if she needs to move, for her safety reasons. Mostly, do what makes mom happy, and explain you have two options: Get help in for her, or she will have to go elsewhere for help, but she no longer can stay alone, for her peace of mind, as well as yours. Again, Alzheimers has some wonderful resources about handling your situation. Good Luck
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My Mom moved across country to be near us and has received excellent care. But, she still longs for "home."
There is never a perfect situation...just shoot for the best one.
Good luck....Lilli
As a last resort, you could ask her doctor to evaluate her, provide a written assessment of his findings, have her declared incompetent and/or call Adult Protective Services in your state to see that she is moved to a care facility..