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My mother-in-love is 84, lives on her own, and is 100% capable of making her own decisions.



In her living room, she sits in an old recliner that she can't recline because it has a pull lever and she doesn't have the strength in that arm to recline it.



She has plenty of money to buy a new one. Her financial planner even told her so.



And now, because she has some aging issues with joints and such, her ortho and internist have told her she would be helped a great deal by reclining.



Still, she doesn't seem like she's interested. She's incredibly stubborn. And yet, she complains all the time about how uncomfortable she is. 😔🤦🤔



Have any of you experienced this kind of stubbornness, and have you found a good/kind/loving way to help your elder move past it?

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A lot of old people tend to get stuck in a rut and just accept what life dishes out to them and don't try to fix it or even know how (at least with my parents). Does your hubby help her with her finances? Have access to her credit card? If it were me, I think I'd just go ahead and order her one. It's 99% sure that she'll LOVE it!
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The holidays will be the perfect time to get her a new recliner delivered, and the old one hauled away! Get a big BOW for it. Everyone will be happy!
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I ordered My Dad a new recliner from Macys Over the holidays and saved $300 . Just say " Mom lets get you a Christmas present "
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Remove the recliner and have her sit on the floor like elders in Japan.

They live longer so they must be doing something right.
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If she's "uncomfortable" enough, she'll buy a new recliner. Or, if she's stubborn enough, she'll use the old one and complain bitterly to you about how uncomfortable she is. Constantly.

These are the situations that cause the caregivers to stop loving the elders "to pieces" and having the resentments set in along with the frustrations. Because it's nearly impossible to teach an old dawg new tricks. If her ortho, internist and financial planner were unable to convince her to part with a few bucks, how can YOU convince her???

If her POA has access to the credit card or to writing checks, then that person can make the decision to purchase a new recliner for MIL, as I did with my parents. They had no idea the cost of their deluxe $1800 apiece zero gravity recliners 😁

You may have to wait until MIL becomes a bit less independent to make such a purchase, however 😑. Or buy her one yourselves.

Good luck!
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“My mother-in-love is 84, lives on her own, and is 100% capable of making her own decisions.”

Her “stubborn” attitude is a sign that she is not “100% capable of making her own decisions.” At least not good ones. When we deliberately and repeatedly choose to make decisions that cause us further problems, that’s a symptom of something.

Time to see the forest, not the trees. It’s time for a mental evaluation.
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Maybe suggest she buy one when there is a good sale and keep your eye out . With holidays coming there should be a sale at some point before or after. I like Alvas idea too , taking her with you to “ shop for you” , ask her to try them to give her opinion. Maybe if you take her during a sale you can end up persuading her.
But if she’s still competent you can’t force her to buy one .
If you discover the cure for elderly stubbornness you will be rich and can buy many recliners .
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My FIL was pretty tight with his money.

And he too had a really ratty recliner that he didn't have the strength to make 'recline'.

We simply bought one with electric controls, took it to his house and set it up for him AND removed the old recliner.

He loved it and that's where he slept for the last few months of his life.
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La Z Boy
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Come over to help "clean" whilst moving the recliner...oops it broke.
(I think most recliners you can remove the back..do that and say it "just fell apart")
then go shopping for a new one.
Other solution is to just break down and get her one. You can find some of the lift chairs on FB marketplace. I would not buy a used one if it was fabric though. If you can't find a reasonable Lift Chair then a recliner with push button recline.

Tell her that the "doctor ordered it" and there is a good possibility that if it is a "medical necessity" it might be deductible as such.
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waytomisery Nov 2023
I love the “ cleaning accidents” .
I did that when my mother would give me things she didn’t want anymore but insisted I take things I didn’t want . 😬🙄
She thought everyone would be happy to have her discards .
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