It is the last thing I want to accuse someone of, however my friend is sleeping all the time, now. If I give a day's notice to come by or take her out, she is awake, however for all impromptu visits, she is always "napping" during the day. This is a 2-story house where the residents live downstairs, and the family/aids live upstairs. I have rarely found staff downstairs when stopping in for an impromptu visit, and everything is locked up, including one resident room. This place discourages residents from going out of their rooms. They have a community table that's set nicely for dining and a big TV, however they don't allow use of it, and unplugged her personal TV. All meals are served individually. When we have done impromptu visits at mealtime, it is a can of chicken, and instant mashed potatoes. I saw one resident get cereal for dinner. Whenever I am there until dinner time, they tell me I must leave because they will be serving dinner. Yesterday, my friend said please stay because she was afraid of not eating (she has the beginnings of dementia). So I told them she needed extra comfort this day, and I would stay until they served her, and then leave for her to eat. To my surprise, they served the other 3 residents and wouldn't serve her. This is a tiny place, so things were quite apparent. After a good 10 minutes, I told me friend I better leave, so they could feed her, "as they have their routine". As I walked around the corner through the main area, the aids were just sitting there waiting for me. One was texting, and the other with check-out clipboard in hand. Why were they waiting for me to leave? I thought maybe so I don't see what they feed her. Now it occurred to me, are they giving her a sedative at mealtime? She is beginning to get a series of UTIs, which is odd since she is still mobile (no cane or walker needed). All so strange and not sure what I can do until we find her another place.
I hope whoever is responsible for her can find a better place to place her in.
Who is "we"? Are you her PoA? If not, you have no real power in this situation except to communicate your concerns to her PoA or legal guardian.
There is a lot of complexities in caregiving. Often, we see things in facilities that we find disturbing, yet have very valid explanations (one example would be having their mattress on the floor. This is to prevent them from getting out of bed and falling, since they can't by law be restrained).
We need to know if your friend has a legal advocate. If she doesn't have one, she may still be able to assign one. It should not be you if you are the same age as her.
If she already has a diagnosis of dementia, it may be too late. In this case (if she has no PoA) the county or facility may become her legal guardian, if they aren't already.
FYI UTIs are extremely common in elderly women, and it has less to to with hygiene or mobility, more to do with changes in hormones, pH levels and physiology. There is a preventative supplement that I've found helpful for my MIL, but you would need to purchase it for her and then have the legal authority to ask the staff to give it to her.
More info from you is needed.
You make no mention of what family members are responsible for your friend? It might be dicey for you to try to discuss her private and personal medications, etc, medical history with them. They may take offense.
Are there other family members watching over your friend?
Do you have occasion to speak with them at all?
Who is her POA?
Thank you for the good comments. I am in close contact with the PoA. We are both just long time friends of the gal, but never really met each other. We are in agreement with our concerns. There are no family around. I just found out that indeed they were giving sleep medication while she was getting over a UTI but that med should have ended. Further, it was prescribed by a doctor that comes around at this residence, and not her regular doctor. The PoA was concerned at that. The med is Tramidal. The PoA feels powerless as the owner is so controlling. We are going to reach out to the Ombudsman as well as check with the State.
There is something exciting to someone who doesn't have much to do with their days normally - that when they KNOW that something is going to happen - it changes things for them. They have something to look forward to and they plan for it and prepare themselves for it. It stimulates their minds and invigorates them.
But otherwise - they often see no need to stray from their normal plan for the day - which for many- especially those in care homes - is to spend it sleeping. I find it is more difficult for seniors who still have very active lives - just like it is for those who are not seniors - to really wrap our heads around. We don't understand why someone would want to sleep all day. But sometimes they just don't want to do anything else - or there isn't anything else to do. Or there could be some level of depression. And you said she has the beginnings of dementia. I'm not saying they aren't giving her something to help her sleep. But what I am saying is that it is not unusual for seniors to begin to spend more time sleeping - especially if they are in a care home, bored, depressed, unstimulated, not sleeping well at night, or a whole host of other reasons.
With regards to the food - I mean it doesn't sound appetizing - especially to people who can get access to home cooked food or any other type of food they want - for certain. And I realize she is in a care HOME and not a facility. But here again - sometimes it is what it is. My FIL has complained loud and long about the food in rehab (and I am 100% sure he will complain even more about the food in the SNF he will be moving to soon) because it is industrial, mass produced cafeteria food - and he is used to home cooked food. What he is getting is never going to measure up to home cooked food. Its like sending a child to school with lunch money - and expecting them to get exactly what you would feed them at home. BUT, it provides full nutritional value and meets requirements.
As others have mentioned - you don't speak of your friend's family. I"m curious where they are in all of this. Did your friend choose this place to live? Did her family? I'm assuming if her family or POA representative chose this place that you have notified them of what you have observed?
You mention that the place discourages the residents from being out of their rooms and that they would not feed her until you left. I'm curious on these fronts as well. Do they have certain visiting hours to ensure that the residents have quiet time? Do they want to ensure that each resident is able to eat their food undistracted? Is it that they discourage the residents from leaving their rooms? Or is it that the residents just don't WANT to leave their rooms? My FIL has complained about being in "these 4 walls for 4 months" since he has been in rehab and that he will be stuck in "those 4 walls" when he goes to the SNF. He has not even ATTEMPTED to leave his room in rehab. He has the option - there are tons of activities. He is encouraged to go. HE chooses not to. And for the last 5 or so years...he has barely left his own room - another 4 walls - at home. But he will literally tell people that WE won't let him leave his room. Are you perhaps getting some misinformation?
Why is the lounge locked?
If you were to sit down with your friend and ask her to tell you about her daily routine, what would she say?
The thing is. As a friend, rather than her next of kin or MPOA, you don't have access to quite a lot of confidential information which could include very good reasons for what you've observed - such as her regular prescription, her swallowing risk, any incidents or complaints the facility has had to deal with, matters like those.
For example. Suppose other residents repeatedly asked for her tv to be turned down because she was disturbing them - that would explain its being turned off, although it wouldn't explain why they hadn't attempted to come up with a better solution; and then again it's equally possible that she's lost interest in her usual viewing; and then again it's also possible that the set is turned off at the wall because of fire regulations, only nobody has noticed that she can't reach to turn it on during the day and they aren't doing it for her...
I wouldn't worry at all about the cereal. Chances are that cereal is what that resident will eat and enjoy.
The point is that you can't know; but if you're concerned you have every right to ask questions and follow them up. Is anyone else actually representing your friend, or responsible for her care? How long has your friend been living here?
Yes there is a communal dining room all set up nicely for dining, but in 1.5 years, we saw it used only once for a holiday when they first received residents. And they don't want it used for even games, as they want it to stay set up. We have to use a TV tray.
It's the snacks that are locked. They said because she wants to eat all the time. Well, Yes. She is alone and bored with no TV. She was picking at sores in boredom (sores initially started by bed bugs, niw gone thank God). I think eating is better. ;) No swallowing issues and mobile without aids. I am not the PoA however her and I are both long term friends who have gotten to know each other and are in close contact, supporting each other in this care. She relies on me as I can visit more often than her and we are visiting new places together. We agree on our concerns.
I agree on the cereal. Sometimes you just need to get something in them. You are right about the TV. Our friend says they unplugged it and she says she just sleeps all day. The facility told the PoA that our friend unplugged it. When I inquired saying it was unplugged, the owner said sternly "She doesn't watch it". They are always stern. Everything is an order. I also just found out that on her assessment, they said she has to be fed, and she can't walk without help. Both absolutely untrue. She doesn't even own a cane or walker, she is so mobile. And they give her dinner then they leave and go upstairs while the residents eat in their rooms downstairs. Everything is a facade. I will have to video both actions. I hate to do that, but she was just denied a wonderful place because of the report. :(
Thank you for your help!
Argue about the rejected application, like so: demand another, independent assessment of needs. This can be carried out by an occupational therapist, social worker, care co-ordinator or any qualified professional approved by the facility you want the lady to go to. Your friend with POA should contact them, say she wants to challenge the refusal, and ask how she can reapply - if they are any good they should be prepared to advise her.
I have never visited a facility where they told me that I had to leave. I feel like the poster, it’s odd.
She may have more dementia than you think. I admire you for wanting the best for her.
They aren’t very welcoming of visitors either.
Wishing you and your friend all the best.