Creative living with elderly parent ideas?

Don't marry a needy guy.

What happened to the money your mom got for her house?

Why doesn't she qualify for Medicaid?

What low income senior housing options exist near you?

Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for her depression?

My parents don’t have Medicaid. We found a place in NY state that will accept them for what assets they have then when the money runs out, they’ll switch them to Medicaid. She will give them all assets and money she has but you need to find a place that will keep her after the money is gone and she qualifies for Medicaid. What state do you live in?

You sound like a servant .Can you get someone to walk the dogs ? A dog walker ? Get a house cleaner . See if you can find a senior center where they have a day care program to get her out of the house . Why did she sell her house ? Did she expect you to care for her 24/7 ? You have to break down the chores so you are not doing everything . Have you ever discussed assisted living with her ? It seems like your going to have to create boundaries - seek a social worker for support . Get meals on wheels . Practice self care - go out to eat , get a cofffee at a cafe , treat yourself to a massage - walk the beach - go for a bike ride . Maybe you can find her a boyfriend with a house . Look for social clubs she can participate in like horticulture or knitting 🧶 your being suffocated please find some joy in your life .

LTC Medicaid in a facility will require an applicant to be “at need” both financially, which tends 2 means she is impoverished with her mo income is under $2200 a mo and her nonexempt assets are at or under 2K for most states AND medically, which means she needs skilled nursing care.

Which “at need” is keeping her from being eligible for LTC Medicaid?

So if she just sold her home last year the amount it sold for is in the states database, so that $ less any mortgage, will have to be used as a legit spend down till she’s impoverished. Why isn’t house sale $ being used to private pay for AL or NH or MC?

or is the ineligibility about issues she did with house sale $? Did she gift any house sale $? Not sold at FMV?

Now if it’s a medical “at need” eligibility issue, she either is going to have to get a very very through medical work up done to see if she legitimately can be viewed with documentation as to “at need” for skilled care if your state does not have a waiver program to have Medicaid $ be used for AL.

All states have some sort of low income housing for seniors, have you looked into those even if not nearby?

Yours and your Mom's money should not be in a joint account, Exhausted. Your Mom's money is her own money for her own care. She should enter care and spend that money down to the amount allowed by law; then she will have medicaid to attend to all her medical needs. Your own money is your own and should be in your own name.
If you need to help Mom with paying her expenses out of her money then you can be her POA and write out checks in her name/with her name, followed by your own name as POA.
I would see an Elder Law attorney to do the POA papers, and to more adequately understand how yours and Mom's funds should be in your own names; things get messy in melded accounts.
Wishing you good luck.

As others have said, mom must have $ in account in her name. Now you can be a signatory & she has it as a POD aka pay on death to you, but should NOT be used as a joint account used to pay for things viewed as a commingling of assets. If you can you also have account at this bank as it will make it all smoother to do things…. They know you, you know them yada yada. I’d try to get this set up asap as you are about to get remarried! Is that right? Really try to do this & have mom meet with an elder law atty now before your legal status changes.

Mom having her own banking becomes mucho importante should she need to ever file for Medicaid either for LTC Medicaid (residential in a facility) or community based Medicaid (like PACE or living w you) but also for SSA aka social security administration as commingled accounts once discovered will likely have SSA require mom to make account under representative payee status. Means paperwork that you will have to do as you become her rep payee. Really you don’t want to go there if you can help it.

NH by that I meant Nursing Home, not new home…. That just didn’t occur 2 me. I’m still laughing. But I digress, ok so mom sold home above FMV but had mortgage (horrors that 80 yr old had mortgage) so proceeds from the sale were not enough to have mom set to private pay for care for possibly decade + as moms only 80. I’m guessing that if 80 yr old mom is ok for AL aka assisted living that she is no where near being eligible to show “at need” for skilled care in a NH? By & large Medicaid only pays for long term residential care in a NH so if moms good for AL & not a NH there is no LTC placement that Medicaid can pay for. Now some states do waivers to have some dedicated LTC Medicaid funding shifted or “waived” to go to other Medicaid programs like for paying for AL or MC (Memory care). If your state does this, mom can apply to be on a Medicaid waiver at an AL. BUT be aware that most states do not do this, AL is totally private pay. If they do there will be a long waiting list & list will have residents currently living at the AL that are private paying for 1,2,3 yrs ahead of mom on that Medicaid waiver waiting list.

Imo choices r stark:
- mom continues to live w you & then w new hubs in condo BUT mom meets w elder law atty to do personal caregiver contract to essentially pay you (not future hubs) a set amt ea mo as either rent or to caregive a set # of hours. A good atty will know which seems to make sense for the situation…. But do realize will be IRS filing required whatever path is taken. You & mom have to keep all this very documented & legit cause eventually mom will need a higher level of care & eligible for LTC Medicaid and Medicaid requires a 5 yr look back on her financials. You set aside $ mom pays you - if you can - to be $ that you can use to help her private pay if need be; I’d keep it totally separate account, not accessible to new hubs… maybe have a daughter as signatory with clear understanding to be used for grandma.
- mom goes into senior housing that is income & need based. Her SS$ will go to this and she probably will become a “dual”. That is she stays on Medicare but also goes onto a community based Medicaid program that covers what Medicare does not. M&M = dual. Tends to be a handful of health insurance companies that do “duals”. Molina Healthcare is the big player & they run on a MCO aka Managed care Organization system
- you get mom into a day program. If your state does PACE, that is a Medicaid paid program at a community center that they go to 2-4 days a week with transportation provided and then all their health care done via PACE
- mom goes into board & care home. Way less than NH & somewhat less than AL. Mom uses SS$ & house $ proceeds to pay
AND
you regularly have her see a gerontologist so she is building a solid health history to eventually show “at need” for skilled nursing care & she can go into NH and apply for LTC Medicaid to cover it.
good luck!

I agree with some about the little things like putting limitations on watching news, maybe put old school shows on to cheer her up?. Lots of 50's shows for free on Youtube. And herbal supplements and tea. My Mom who is 81 has some success with CBD. She doesn't seem to have as much anxiety with it. You don't have to feel like you have to do it all. I have to put my foot down with my Mom sometimes but we have a strong relationship and have been through a lot. Playing memory games with her, even just 20 minutes a day plus exercise and sunshine. Simplify your life. We can make things complicated or not simply by our attitude. Life is hard but you'll get through it. Also contact local churches in your area. You never know, she might make some friends. God is our friend and our helper for sure. Anyway best to you! I always learn from these posts.

Give her a delicious cup of St. Johns Wort Tea every morning? She would be easier to live with if she could be happier.

So currently she is okay in your home by herself while you are out of the home working fulltime?

Give yourself a temp break while you are thinking through things. I'm currently at the Hyatt Regency for local discount of $109 per night. I'm doing a three night break. I was exhausted. I don't live local but Mom's lawyer said I could pay for a motel while I'm in the area. Normally I stay at the house but I could no longer take it any longer.

Calling local hotels will get you better pricing than online rates.

exhaustedinnc: Imho, perhaps she could use the funds from the sale of her home to foot HER bill for an assisted living facility. Also, perhaps she should turn off the news as depending on what station she views, world news IS upsetting.