My dad has been in a nursing home since last Feb (2015). He had fallen while at home just prior to that and at that point he wanted full 24 hr care at home. 5 days later that he fell again and broke his hip, did time in the hospital, then rehab and never came home. He demanded and got continued 24 x 7 private duty aides (paid hourly) even after it became apparent he was never leaving the nursing home.
Now - it is his money being spent - but having been raised by him to be frugal and to see a staggering sum of money paid out each month (more for the private duty aides than what we pay the Nursing Home) it just tears at me that the money would be better spent... I've gone so far as looking at buying a house suitable for him to live in with a private duty aide - at least that would be a bit less impact on the cash flow. We do have LTC insurance - but that will end in a bit over 2 years so at that point cash flow becomes even more of an issue.
We tried a reduced number of hours (at night) but he woke up one night and had no one to talk to - and the Nursing Home staff didn't respond quickly enough for him (demanding - yes - very) so we went back to 24 hours/day.
I have tried to reason with him - but that didn't sit very long. Dad is 92 and he is in "reasonable" health - nothing is going to end his life in the near term except age. I can pay the bills - it is just the horrible waste. In the end his charities are going to be the biggest loser as their get a substantial portion of his estate - and these are charities he has been good to for decades.
I live literally an ocean away and my sister has to work (and Dad could not live with her for a number of reasons) and that is it for family and there is no other local option we can find.
So I am curious of others here have dealt with a family member who despite the financial ability to do what they want are making unfortunate choices/demands and how one might address those demands.
Is your Dad in a private room? If yes, ask Dad if he would like to have a room-mate [another male patient], someone to talk to, etc. Then that way Dad won't feel so isolated.
They are understaffed and barely are able to feel people and change their diapers. Forget about speaking to the residents other than to give directives.
Forget about developing a relationship with them. The people begin to be seen and treated as objects, not people. The only real "care" they get is when a family member visits. It's extremely lonely!! That contributes to depression, hopelessness and general decline.
You are far away and will not change that to help your dad. Your sister will also not help. I find that very sad.
If your dad has the means to provide himself with some care and company, I would thank God for that! He matters, not his money, and really, not the charities. How terrible to prioritize those things before a human being. It is NOT wasteful for your dad to have company and be treated like a human being.
You are far away. I'm assuming you have no idea what care he is or is not getting day to day. Another set of eyes is a life-saver, literally. I could tell you such stories....
What I would recommend is partnering with the aides. Ask them for updates on how your dad is doing, and the activities they do together. That way you will be able to help ensure that the aides are really working for their money. Take an interest in *dad, and have all the aides keep you posted. You may then being to see how valuable that relationship can be. If someone's a deadbeat, you can take steps to see that his money is not wasted on them.
Oh how I wish my mother could have in the nursing home what your dad has. So many of us do. Think about that.