What to do when your Dad has fallen for a scam artist and is draining all of his life savings?

Read the POA document closely. The one given me by my mother in 2006 includes a lot of abilities, not just after she has been declared incompetent.

That was a good thing as she gradually started failing to pay her bills, gave out personal info over the phone, ordered crap she didn't need, sent plenty for her 'sweepstakes instant wins', and ultimately sent over $10k overseas at the behest of phone scammers 2 summers ago without memory of doing it or totally believing they were the right things to do. I have changed some accounts, changed her phone number, filed police reports, sold property, invested, all with the "power" written into that POA. Never knew I would be so grateful to that attorney!

She needed protection. I did/am doing my best to provide that and guarantee a better future for her, all without a diagnosis or declaration of incompetence (we are working toward that but having a huge struggle in her small town!). And also with plenty of berating on her part about my taking control, wanting all her stuff, trying to make people think she's crazy, blah, blah, blah.

I agree that you need another attorney. I have found most people (including doctors, lawyers, even their friends) don't want to get in the middle of something like this because it can get ugly before any sign of resolution. It breaks families apart, totally depletes finances needed for the elder's care, and creates untold frustration and emotional pain.

The short version: read the POA closely and determine your mother's power under it, consult another lawyer if necessary to help translate, start taking action to stop the financial 'bleeding' and access to your grandfather (i.e., get to the mailbox and phone first, if you get my meaning) with the understanding that he may well get angry and treat you all badly from here forward. He thinks he is showing he is still in control of his world, but that is a view altered by what sounds to be oncoming dementia. It is doubtful he will see any of it your way….my mother sure hasn't over the last 6+ years…so arguing with him won't be helpful.

Decide to protect him at all costs and sadly that means detaching emotionally in order to make the tough decisions that need to be made. Many people on this site GET IT. We wish you the best and encourage you to come back here with questions and concerns.

My dad fell for scams too, all the time. I never understood it, he was an intelligent man, a member of MENSA and a college professor. But he would get those idiotic things in the mail saying that he was in the running for a huge cash prize and he'd spend all morning filling out all of this crap to send back to this company. He couldn't walk to the mailbox and of course he didn't use the internet so when I'd take the mail out to the mailbox I'd throw away this crap my dad was sending. I also found that anyone could call the house and ask my dad anything and he'd answer. One day I heard him giving his social security number out and I FLEW off the couch and snatched the phone from his ear. When I demanded to know who I was speaking with they hung up. After that anytime my dad would get a call I'd creep up and listen in to his side of the conversation. I thought about getting the landline taken out but because of his age and his lack of knowledge of technology I kept it but I only used my cell so any call that came to the house he would answer. After several of these situations I took to taking the phone off the hook just so it wouldn't ring and just because I was tired and frustrated of dealing with this everyday. I wanted some peace and with the phone dead I didn't have to deal with any of it. My dad never figured it out. And then my dad lost $60,000. After my mom died my dad just kind of ran away down south where he came from. He had the money from the sale of the house and when he came back 18 months later that money was gone. He had a lady friend during this time and we wonder if maybe she got her hands on it but she had money of her own. At this point in time my dad was independent, living on his own, so we didn't have any say-so in his finances. When it was time that he come and live with me I assumed that he had that money. When I asked him about it he hemmed and hawed and would never discuss it. I tried to ask him several times over the years where that money went and I never got an answer. It was just gone. The days and months before my dad died would have been a lot less stressful and more comforting for him had he had that money. It was all he had in the world and he ended up with nothing, living in a Medicaid bed in a nursing home. At the time of his death he had $1,800 which was just enough to get him cremated. No funeral, no nothing because we couldn't afford it. He deserved so much better.

You need another attorney, one that handles elder care law. See if you can get a limit on his checks. Something like needing two signatures for amounts over $100 or whatever you decide for a limit. You also need to contact your police dept., local DA office, and your state attorney general's office. They can investigate into whether these are legitimate charities or not. If you win something, they should never ask for money up front for any reason. When your father is confronted with the reality that these are probably scams from some authoritative source, he might see his foolishness. Mom needs to put her foot down and limit his access to the checks and debit or credit cards.

My mother started to have money problems also as she got older. She had all kinds of books, collectable toy cars, collectable hat pins, state coins ect. delivered to her house. I only noticed when her diabetic supplies were being delivered from 3-4 different suppliers. After she paid $6000 for a 2 car driveway to be covered again with asphalt I stepped in. She realized then that she had was having trouble with solicitors and stopped saying "ok" to anyone who came to her door. Her neighbors started watching out for door to door salesmen and if they headed over to her house they would go over. She is in assisted living now and it took me nearly a year to cancel all of the things that were being delivered to her house. Some bills that she paid 2 and 3 times have been refunded others I just can't spend anymore time trying to get refunded. I have sold some of the things she "collected" and put the money into her account. All of the help that I have done for her didn't start until I had gained POA as described in her advanced directive paperwork that she filled out over 10 years ago while she was competent.

I had to stop my mother from giving away money to every agency that called on the phone, sent an advertisement or showed up at the door. I began intercepting every phone call and refused to let them speak to her, I even went so far as threatening them that their phone calls were harassment and I would seek legal recourse against them. This was a nightmare to deal with and I had dealt with the same thing years ago when my aunt was sick and I stayed with her until her death. These people prey on the elderly, they know they can confuse them, they can play on their sympathy, or promise them the moon and many times are believed....some I understand will threaten the elderly with bodily harm as well!

When I ran to pick up a bag of potting soil and returned home to find a man at my mothers door taking money from her and having her sign a paper that would enable them to remove money from her bank account monthly....I said NO MORE and I stepped in and took over enacting my DPOA. We do not need to have a doctor or court say "Okay now you can take over" I just did it because I saw she was not making sound judgement calls and was swayed by everyone and she had beginning/moderate dementia and she was throwing money away.

Has it been easy, OH NO, she has fought me numerous times over no longer having her check book, so I gave her a copy of the register, then the argument over not actually having checks. Was it nasty? OH YES there have been many times she has called me every name in the book and yelled that she wants to write a check and I have just said to her, "Just tell me who you would like to write a check to and I will do it for you." There never is anyone, she just wants her checks back, but I have had to stay strong, suffer the abuse, and stand firm because I am doing it for HER OWN GOOD!

If there has been no diagnosis of a mental problem such as dementia or Alzheimer's, you need to get him to a Neurologist or Gerontologist who can diagnose him, if it does indeed exist. Then as POA someone has got to step in immediately and stop him. It will not be easy or pretty and unfortunately you cannot reason with them, because they have a mental problem that does not allow them to reason.

Just remember this, IF YOU SIT BY AND ALLOW HIM TO BLOW ALL HIS MONEY AND HE BECOMES ILL ENOUGH TO NEED TO GO INTO A NURSING HOME BEFORE HE DIES AND HE HAS TO GO ON MEDICAID/MEDI CAL, TO HELP PAY FOR IT.... THERE IS A 5 YEAR LOOK BACK WHERE THEY WILL ASK WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO ALL THE MONEY HE HAD. THEY WILL REFUSE TO COVER HIM FOR A PERIOD OF TIME ALL BASED ON THE AMOUNT OF MONEY HE SQUANDERED. IF HE BLEW $100,000 IN THE PAST 5 YEARS AND THE NURSING HOME IN YOUR AREA COSTS $5,000 A MONTH, THEY WILL REFUSE TO COVER HIM FOR ABOUT 20 MONTHS, WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR HIS CARE!!!! I PERSONALLY DO NOT HAVE $5,000 A MONTH PERIOD TO COVER THESE EXPENSES!

I never thought a nursing home would ever become part of my mothers world as I wanted to keep her at home, but we do not have crystal balls that tell us they will die in their sleep or pass away within 20 days in a hospital, they may have to live months or years in a nursing home because we can no longer care for them. Mom says she just wants to be put to sleep if she becomes too ill, my father thought the same thing he thought they could give him a shot, but it doesn't work that way. You have to prepare now for the future, a future you cannot see.

Best wishes and Good Luck!

Since your mother has POA, go to the bank and close the bank account, and make a new one with both names on it, and both signatures required. You have to stop the out flow, otherwise, it will be depleted. All of those overseas requests and lottery type contests are scams.

That is tough. If your grandfather is not mentally incompetent (as declared by his physician) there is very little you can do to limit their donations to charity, even the above-board charities. Sometimes a declared FPOA does not kick in unless you get the person declared incompetent first. And he may not meet the doctor's definition of incompetent just because he gets a thrill out of giving money away. If he is in danger of giving away all the money that he needs, then you should have your mom bring the FPOA docs to a different attorney to see if there is anything that can be done (see if the FPOA is already activated). Then she can intercede on his behalf through the bank.

A POA was the solution in dealing with my mom. She had more checks to charities than to pay her bills. I took her checkbook, got a debit card for her personal needs, bought her car so she would have money in savings, moved her to a retirement home, help pay for it, and I give her cash for the hairdresser and whatever she needs. Also, handled the sale of her small house, which she didn't make money on. I took her to the closing. She still wasn't over the shock of the dementia, losing her spouse, having to leave her home, her car, etc.
She realizes now that I did all I could to help her. I hope you or someone will get control soon. It's so sad when elders forget that they will need their resources later if they get the care they need. And then to have it frittered away is even harder to see.

A poa would be able to stop such payments exp. if he has dementia. If there were some scam you can contact the attorney general in your state for assistance. Things like this happen all the time and many people fall for it. I agree with the answers above, find an attorney that deals with elder law.

The only person to stop all of this is the one with the POA. Your lucky she has it. In my case - no one had it. I had to hire an elder law attorney, and have my poor immigrant 90 year old mother declared incompetent by the President judge in our county. She was given POA just for times like this = advise her to use it! Good luck