Dr says he is fine no cognitive problems.. he also has kidney stones alot. His Dr thinks it is normal for an almost 80 year old to have them constantly . He also doesn't eat unless he really likes it and having fluid on the lungs.
He is clearly not ok and has had two bad car accidents and a traffic violations . He got out of it because of who he was . I try to buy things he likes to eat . He was getting free meals from his church which was great. He gained 15 pounds .
i gave him mine most of time because they were bland and too greasy heavy for me.but the people doing the program died or stopped doing it .He was always an arrogant a*****e. But never like this. He forgets to put on pants.
the hoarding was bad. I made him go through his stuff and throw the garbage out.He screams and complains at the way I clean and do laundry. But he can't live in filth like that.He threatens me and gets combative. I can outrun him because he's moves really slow. But it's becoming unsafe to stay here. and pretty sure the neighbors blame me for the fighting and screaming .
I really try not to yell. Some dementia experts say to agree with whatever they want. But It's like a child . I can't let him do things he wants. Because a lot of what he wants is unsafe or could get him arrested or cause serious problems. Half the time I am in the car and he's yelling at himself.
Hoarding is a sign of dementia. Also tantrums and screaming, and moving very slow. Being combative is a classic symptom of dementia. You need to get another primary Doctor for him, this Doctor has no clue about dementia.
Dad shouldn't be driving, of course. He is a danger to himself and others.
Yes, experts say to agree with everything they want, but you are dealing with a toddler's mind, and can't give them everything they want. Anyone taking care of a demented senior has a very hard time dealing with their stubbornness.
Get another Doctor. Or have him see a Neurologist. He can possibly get meds to calm his screaming down. What the neighbors think are the last of your problems. You need help taking care of Dad, it will be too much stress for you. Sorry.
The fact that he is a hoarder is a mental health issue, along with showing dementia like behaviors and has fluid on his lungs are all issues that need to be addressed by his doctors.
And your dad most certainly should NOT be driving anymore, and his keys need to be taken away or his car disabled, as he could very well otherwise kill or severely injure some innocent person.
Someone driving with dementia, is no different than someone driving drunk or high on drugs and I know that here in the U.S. most if not all states have a law that states no driving while impaired.
Your dad has many issues that need to be addressed sooner than later and until they are, this bizarre behavior will continue. He is a sick man in more ways than one, and you may now have to step up and be the adult in the room and get him the help that he so desperately needs. And that may mean just calling 911 and have him taken to the ER to be checked out for a UTI(that's a good way to get someone taken to ER even if they don't have one)and then while there let the doctors know about everything else that is going on with him, so they can address it all, and get him the help he now needs.
And you may have to let the hospital know that he cannot return home either because he is an "unsafe discharge" living in filth.
They will then have to find the appropriate facility to place him in.
Best wishes in getting your dad the care that he now needs.
Next, has his doctor actually given him a cognitive/memory test? Or is he just asking your Dad questions? The doctor can't do much unless he has more compelling evidence (like you show him video of the unhinged behavior, etc). Even if this succeeds... then what? You still can't get an uncoooperative adult to do something they resist.
The question I have for you is: what does a solution look like to you?
Do you want to continue dealing with him, seeing that your help so far has not produced the results you're probably hoping for?
If you are not his PoA (or he has never assigned someone) then you actually have very little leverage or legal authority to make decisions in his best interests. He needs medication and since he's refused but his behavior is disruptive and unhinged, then you need to step completely away so that APS can come in and take him to a psych wing of hospital where he will stay until he complies with meds to help him (unless he's had mental health issues all along).
You must stop being his solution because it isn't working and it is in fact delaying the help and care he so badly needs before he hurts himself or others.
Stop going to his house, stop cleaning, stop feeding him. Block his calls. Then call APS and report him as a vulnerable adult. Keep doing this until his life / behaviors are bad enough that his cognitive impairment is undeniable. APS will recommend him to a judge for a 3rd party legal guardian. Then they will get him into a facility, meds, protection and proper medical care.
FYI if you are his PoA, I would resign. He'll get help sooner and you won't lose your sanity and health from the relentless stress.
I wish you clarity and wisdom and peace in your heart as you await his rescue.
"He was always an arrogant a*****e".
What is kind of adorable is that this "arrogant a*****e", this likely mentally deficient screaming, fighting, hoarder is now threatening to SUE you.
Stay away from him.
Report him as a senior at risk and report his home, likely already a demolitioner's dream, to the county as a safety risk.
Whatever you do don't accept any POA, next of kin, or guardianship responsibilities. Those are difficult enough with cooperative parents.
Basically, this is a matter of "what's new".
And by the by--do stay out of the car with him.
We all die. Your father will die as he lived. And on you go. Worry about your own life and make it one opposite to his.
Kidney stones can be caused by a variety of factors, including:
Dehydration
Not drinking enough water or fluids throughout the day can increase your risk of kidney stones.
Diet
Eating foods high in salt, sugar, or fructose can increase your risk of kidney stones. A diet low in calcium can also cause kidney stones.
Medications
Certain medications, including diuretics, calcium-based antacids, protease inhibitors, antibiotics, and anti-epileptic medicines, can increase your risk of kidney stones.
Conditions
Conditions like gout, obesity, and diabetes can increase your risk of kidney stones.
Family history
A family history of kidney stones or nephrocalcinosis can increase your risk of developing kidney stones.
Parathyroid disease
Hyperparathyroidism can cause kidney stones by causing blood calcium levels to become too high.
The most common type of kidney stone is calcium oxalate, which is formed when calcium combines with oxalate in the urine. Another common type is uric acid stones, which can be caused by eating foods high in purines, like organ meats, shellfish, and red meat.
Good luck.
I think I may tell Dads cop friend that he is doing your Dads no favor. Therevis something wrong, either Dementia or mental illness. He shouldn't be driving and if he kills someone in an accident thats on them.
I had the house professionally cleaned I got a dumpster of stuff out.so it's not filthy.
I am stepping down because I am afraid of being held responsible if he gets in another crash And his weight. He had a cognitive test done by his cop friend and his dr. I think I am going to leave and call aps. He will talk his way or buy his way out of it. But I tried. It is too much.
Yes, report him to APS. Yes, you gave it a valiant effort. Yes, it is too much for you or anyone.
Afterthought: I've had kidney stones twice and twice had to have them surgically removed. Is he passing them and can feel them as they pass or see them in the toilet? Or is he having the incredible back pain where his kidneys are? How does it manifest and what has be been doing when he gets them? How does he know he has them?