my father was such a patient caring loving man and now he's just the complete opposite! He is left side paralytic and I'm wondering how to deal with the issue I'm facing with him.
He has mood swings every hour, and I have kept a caregiver attendant to help me out since I'm pregnant. My father gets really nasty with these ppl, scream and yell at them and call names etc. no matter how much I or my husband try to advice it doesn't work. He feels he's always right!! The Ego!!! Eventually, when we lose patience, we scold him and he loses his too and we get no where.
We have already had 5 ppl come in and go as attenders and I'm not sure how to deal with this bad behaviour-- he needs to respect and treat them well but he doesn't get it!!
What do I do? How do I solve this!!
I did this with my father after he went on an unbelievable screaming rampage with my husband and teen sons. Ugly. But it worked for about a month. :) Peace be with you.
Get him to his Dr. and see if the Dr. can't put your dad on some kind of medication. An anti-depressant, mood stabilizer, anti-anxiety....something.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/bad-behavior-by-elderly-parents-138673.htm
I have practised all kinda approaches of gently making him understand, being firm, scolding him... But sigh none work. He either doesn't want to agree he's at fault or he forgets we had a deal.
Also he tells me when he loses his cool, he doesn't have control over what comes out of his mouth which really gets nasty & ugly. These outbursts last only for 10-15 mins if we let him scream and remain quiet and then he's back to his normal self. Also, I have observed he has absolutely no level of patience anymore and can get irritated at the smallest things
Anyone else experience this and know a successful way to handle it?
Reasoning with Dad, extracting agreements from him, getting angry with him, scolding him -- none of these things address the basic problem, brain damage that destroys the normal social filters he developed over the years, lessens his ability to be patient, and seems to change his usual personality.
His main problem is not mobility issues. It is dementia issues, which are no doubt made even worse by the mobility problems.
Once you get your head around that you might be better able to cope. It sounds like you already have one coping mechanism -- let him have his outburst, get it over with, and be back to his normal self. Explain to any new aide you hire that his is part of his impairment and not their fault and you will never blame them for it. If he is safe, they should leave the room during an outburst.
Take him to the right kind of doctor, who can understand his outbursts, help you understand them, and perhaps suggest some meds that may calm him.
He hasn't suddenly become a bad person. He is a person dealing with staggering loss of independence and lack of control over his own behavior.
I sure hope you can get some help coping with this tragic disease. The kind, patient, and loving man your father still is inside deserves it! And you certainly deserve a less stressful and more rewarding time caring for him.
Let us know what else you try and what things seem to help. We learn from each other.
It is difficult
the mind is damaged
Forget about rational responses.
There may be medications that can even out his emotional reactivity, but you need to work closely with doctors who understand exactly where the damage is. Start with his neurologist and get referrals from her/him, perhaps to a psychiatrist who specializes in brain damaged patients.
Ask these physicians also if there are (a) support groups for patients and/or family that you could attend, and (b) therapy or counseling, or some manner of assistance for post-stroke complications.
Prior to being acquired by a for profit corporation, the Rehab Institute of Michigan focused heavily on brain injuries, providing classes not only for patients for their families as well. Those community educational classes were slashed when the for profit owner acquired the medical holding company. Hopefully they'll be reinstated at some point; at this point they're no longer free and are more severely limited in number, and seem to be focused as well more toward medical training than for the general public.
One of my cousin's daughters worked at such a brain injury treatment facility when she was planning to go into nursing as a career. I just googled and found there are rehab institutes somewhat similar to the one in Michigan - these others are located in various cities in the US. Your location doesn't specific where you are, so I can't tell if there are any near you.
It might be that is a hospital or brain injury treatment center that has similar educational classes.
Even if there's not, it might be helpful to find a stroke support group for both of your. And even if there's not much that can be done, you'd be connecting with others dealing with potential similar issues.
Good luck; I hope you find some local help to guide you through this stage of your father's and your lives.