Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
What is your question? Can a senior fake dementia? Yes, of course. People fake many things. Some people will fake an illness to get attention or to evade taking responsibility for themselves. Dementia is an illness, so why not that?
The thing about playing around with being incapable of looking after yourself is that it only works on those who aren't strong enough to call your bluff by putting you into an appropriate care facility.
My so works for a ccrc. Nine of 10 units are independent. Yes, many people have dementia, but it’s more likely they fake not having it until they can’t.
To be honest, I've had times of doubt about my sister's dementia in the past year. I've never known anyone diagnosed with vascular dementia/Alz. to become "stable" one year into the disease, much less "very stable" 6 months after that. Granted, she was under extreme stress at the time of diagnosis. I relieved her if every possible concern/responsibility causing her anxiety. She has no worries, no responsibility, and she's content...allowing her brain to relax. It functions optimally that way. Dementia symptoms have become mild, but ARE still evident. It can be difficult to maintain a clear perspective when in the middle of the whole cargiving thing. Dementia does not travel in a straight line. The most difficult thing for me is dealing with the inconsistency in my LO's abilities. Constantly having to adjust my own expectations because of her fluctuating confusion/ability to remember things creates a feeling of chaos in me. It seems like a kind of torture on my weakest days...the ground under my feet is constantly shifting. In those moments, it's easy to imagine my sister is totally faking her illness. It would make more sense than the reality...that the ground SHE stands on is nothing but quicksand.
If someone has an Urinary Tract Infection [UTI] it can mimic dementia if someone doesn't have said diease. Thus, once the infection is gone, the person goes back to their normal behavior.
Exactly. The things they don't "want" to do become things they are "unable" or "cannot" do. Well, my answer to that one is learn to do without then. When someone is not helpless but acts like they are, I call this abusive neediness. It's using being needy as a way to control and manipulate others. Other times it's because as the old saying goes, 'misery loves commpany'. Some people take great joy in ruining special occasions. They revel in the misery and disappointment of others. My client's nightly incontinence when her DIL came home was miraculously cured when her DIL stopped playing her game and refused to clean her up. Dementia is real and no one will say it isn't. Faking dementia is real too. I remember years ago I was in the wedding of a good friend of mine. They are Indian and this wedding was a very big deal. The wedding celebrations went on for four days. There had to be special clothes and airfare and accommodations. Her parents paid for everything. I could never have afforded that. They'd been saving for her wedding since the day she was born. Anyway, my mother starts having chest pains and grabbing her arm when my ride to the airport shows up. She starts with the crying and helpless act. I told her I'd call my sibling or an ambulance. Then the pleading and could I just take her to the ER and catch another flight. Not really. The flight was booked a long time in advance so we could travel together. When my mother saw that I didn't stop bringing my luggage outside her chest pains and pathetic neediness disappeared like smoke on the wind. It was replaced by her true vindictive, cruel, bullying self. The last thing she said to me was that she hoped the plane crashes. I told her if it does I hope it's on the way home because I'm really looking forward to the food and sight-seeing. It's the abusive neediness. The faking of illness to get attention or to spead misery around.
I think Burnt needs to write a book. I think Caregivers with Burnts outlook survive caregiving much better when you deal with people like Burnts Mom. Or anyone who can do but takes advantage of a situation. You turn it around on them and call their bluff. The elderly needs us more than we need them so they need to learn to play nice.
My Mom was easy but my MIL was passive-aggressive. She was in a Rehab after having a UTI and I think she played her 2 sons. The 3rd son still worked and lived 8 hrs away so wasn't there. She would not do her PT. Acted like an invalid when in her room. My BIL felt we should be there from 9 to 5. I think she thought by not progressing her boys would take her home. My DH told her she couldn't go home until she proved she was strong enough. She was in PT one morning so DH stopped to watch, I went on to her room. Her roommate, an RN, told me they had a good breakfast together. She sat up in bed, ate a good breakfast and was talking. I think the roommate was trying to tell me something. Really, why would you want aides taking u to the toilet and wiping you up. I walked in before DH to find the sheet off my MIL and a tab panties on her. I covered her up. Why would u go thru that indignantly to fake something? But I do think it was faked until it wasn't. I think she went too far and at 91 she passed. She found out she was not going home but to a Rehab where the other son was living. And then she would need to chose which son she was going to be living near. She then willed herself to die. Doctor documented it as "failure to thrive."
You're right and I totally believe you when you say that your MIL faked the invalid helplessness until it became real. She thought it would result in her sons taking her home and insist upon caring for her themselves. She refused to improve (out of spite) until it could be on her terms which were that one of her sons moved her into their home. Then she'd do her PT. Then she'd do the work needed to get better. Almost like it would be her giving her sons a reward by doing her PT and getting stronger as if that's a gift to them. It's not. When a person is old it really is use it or lose it. Refusal to do PT or follow medical advice because you're trying to spite your family can quickly go from being a spite show to the new reality. Then like your MIL most just resign themselves and wait to die.
Many people fake all types of things. Why? To get attention, of course. Not to mention that they are delusional in their thinking.
We often said that my husband’s grandmother missed her calling. She could have won an academy award for her performances! I have never seen someone cry hysterically and then suddenly stop crying on a dime like she did.
It’s really interesting, because I asked my mother in law if she thought that her mom’s behavior was from getting older. She said, “Honey, my mother has been mean my entire life! This isn’t related to her aging.”
My MIL would say, “If a person is mean when they are young, they generally remain mean as older people and if they are kind they usually stay kind.”
My friend’s mom does the same thing. She blames her daughter for everything! When she is confronted about anything she will ‘conveniently forget’ an incident so she won’t be held accountable for her actions.
She will even confess to me privately that she can cover up her actions by “playing dumb,” but absolutely no one believes that she is stupid. She is conniving and doesn’t fool her daughter.
Her daughter takes care of her and she never shows any appreciation. I don’t think that my friend will ever allow her to move in with her. She stays in the adjoining condo.
She’s another great actress and can put on a terrific show for others who often fall for her acting until they get to know her.
These people often make friends easily because they can be quite charming but as soon as people are around them for a substantial amount of time they are found out and lose their new found friendships. It’s sad really. I personally feel that people who behave in this way have a mental illness.
Some people may fake something out of fear but it isn’t habitual. The people who continually do this are most likely mentally unstable and their actions aren’t driven by fear. They are delusional and sincerely believe that they are able to deceive others.
Your latest response to FedUp is funny 😆! I bet that you were a fast sprinter.
Your answer reminded me of a couple of things. I was also a very fast runner.
I could run around my house three times when daddy was trying to chase me to give me a spanking for something mom told him that I had done. He would wear himself out and couldn’t catch me.
Or I would run into the bathroom and lock the door. I always got the same warning, that when he did catch me it would be worse.
My brothers would do something and I would fight back. Mom always seemed to walk into the room when I was doing something and she didn’t see what happened five minutes before. So, I caught the blame most of the time.
People would always say that I must be the little princess being the only girl. I said, “No, growing up with brothers I learned how to defend myself!”
The only people that I couldn’t run from were the nuns at my school. Man, those rulers stung when we were hit on the hand. Thankfully, it didn’t happen too often.
Spanking kind of backfired though. I got used to those. I was more upset if I was grounded and couldn’t see my friends. My parents figured that out when I would ask for a spanking instead of being grounded.
Firstly I do believe symptoms of dementia can vary. From month to month, from day to day, from hour to hour. Especially Vascular Dementia. Or when a person living with dementia has extra stress eg is ill, has an infection or is in hospital.
So I'd be aware of that.
But OH YES have I seen the fakers too! To be cont..
Burnt, I have seen up close 'learned helplessness'. Like many things in life, there is a spectrum of severity. The milder sort eg can't be bothered to get up so insists someone else makes the tea better.. but I have seen some awful cases I had no description for too. Until now...
Your phrase 'abusive neediness' is excellent.
The Drama Queens who can't hold a spoon "I'll STARVE if you don't feed me!" yet feed themselves very well when their caregiver leaves the room..
The woman who could get out bed, could walk to the bathroom.. but if staff were present would stop to drop pants on the bedroom carpet & pee there "look how instantly incontinent I am".
Nasty.
I also remember the old man who drove himself to the building, walked inside, then turned feeble & requested someone to fetch a wheelchair to wheel him to his destination. OK maybe he couldn't walk too far I thought.. When that worked for 3 days running I noticed he added "I need a little help in the bathroom before I leave". If you can hold your steering wheel to drive Sir, you can certainly hold your penis to urinate.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Some people will fake an illness to get attention or to evade taking responsibility for themselves. Dementia is an illness, so why not that?
My so works for a ccrc. Nine of 10 units are independent. Yes, many people have dementia, but it’s more likely they fake not having it until they can’t.
It functions optimally that way. Dementia symptoms have become mild, but ARE still evident.
It can be difficult to maintain a clear perspective when in the middle of the whole cargiving thing.
Dementia does not travel in a straight line. The most difficult thing for me is dealing with the inconsistency in my LO's abilities. Constantly having to adjust my own expectations because of her fluctuating confusion/ability to remember things creates a feeling of chaos in me. It seems like a kind of torture on my weakest days...the ground under my feet is constantly shifting.
In those moments, it's easy to imagine my sister is totally faking her illness. It would make more sense than the reality...that the ground SHE stands on is nothing but quicksand.
So the why would be to manipulate and get what he or she wants.
Exactly. The things they don't "want" to do become things they are "unable" or "cannot" do.
Well, my answer to that one is learn to do without then.
When someone is not helpless but acts like they are, I call this abusive neediness. It's using being needy as a way to control and manipulate others.
Other times it's because as the old saying goes, 'misery loves commpany'. Some people take great joy in ruining special occasions. They revel in the misery and disappointment of others.
My client's nightly incontinence when her DIL came home was miraculously cured when her DIL stopped playing her game and refused to clean her up.
Dementia is real and no one will say it isn't. Faking dementia is real too.
I remember years ago I was in the wedding of a good friend of mine. They are Indian and this wedding was a very big deal. The wedding celebrations went on for four days. There had to be special clothes and airfare and accommodations. Her parents paid for everything. I could never have afforded that. They'd been saving for her wedding since the day she was born.
Anyway, my mother starts having chest pains and grabbing her arm when my ride to the airport shows up. She starts with the crying and helpless act. I told her I'd call my sibling or an ambulance. Then the pleading and could I just take her to the ER and catch another flight. Not really. The flight was booked a long time in advance so we could travel together.
When my mother saw that I didn't stop bringing my luggage outside her chest pains and pathetic neediness disappeared like smoke on the wind. It was replaced by her true vindictive, cruel, bullying self.
The last thing she said to me was that she hoped the plane crashes. I told her if it does I hope it's on the way home because I'm really looking forward to the food and sight-seeing.
It's the abusive neediness. The faking of illness to get attention or to spead misery around.
My Mom was easy but my MIL was passive-aggressive. She was in a Rehab after having a UTI and I think she played her 2 sons. The 3rd son still worked and lived 8 hrs away so wasn't there. She would not do her PT. Acted like an invalid when in her room. My BIL felt we should be there from 9 to 5. I think she thought by not progressing her boys would take her home. My DH told her she couldn't go home until she proved she was strong enough. She was in PT one morning so DH stopped to watch, I went on to her room. Her roommate, an RN, told me they had a good breakfast together. She sat up in bed, ate a good breakfast and was talking. I think the roommate was trying to tell me something. Really, why would you want aides taking u to the toilet and wiping you up. I walked in before DH to find the sheet off my MIL and a tab panties on her. I covered her up. Why would u go thru that indignantly to fake something? But I do think it was faked until it wasn't. I think she went too far and at 91 she passed. She found out she was not going home but to a Rehab where the other son was living. And then she would need to chose which son she was going to be living near. She then willed herself to die. Doctor documented it as "failure to thrive."
You're right and I totally believe you when you say that your MIL faked the invalid helplessness until it became real.
She thought it would result in her sons taking her home and insist upon caring for her themselves. She refused to improve (out of spite) until it could be on her terms which were that one of her sons moved her into their home. Then she'd do her PT. Then she'd do the work needed to get better. Almost like it would be her giving her sons a reward by doing her PT and getting stronger as if that's a gift to them. It's not.
When a person is old it really is use it or lose it. Refusal to do PT or follow medical advice because you're trying to spite your family can quickly go from being a spite show to the new reality. Then like your MIL most just resign themselves and wait to die.
We often said that my husband’s grandmother missed her calling. She could have won an academy award for her performances! I have never seen someone cry hysterically and then suddenly stop crying on a dime like she did.
It’s really interesting, because I asked my mother in law if she thought that her mom’s behavior was from getting older. She said, “Honey, my mother has been mean my entire life! This isn’t related to her aging.”
My MIL would say, “If a person is mean when they are young, they generally remain mean as older people and if they are kind they usually stay kind.”
My friend’s mom does the same thing. She blames her daughter for everything! When she is confronted about anything she will ‘conveniently forget’ an incident so she won’t be held accountable for her actions.
She will even confess to me privately that she can cover up her actions by “playing dumb,” but absolutely no one believes that she is stupid. She is conniving and doesn’t fool her daughter.
Her daughter takes care of her and she never shows any appreciation. I don’t think that my friend will ever allow her to move in with her. She stays in the adjoining condo.
She’s another great actress and can put on a terrific show for others who often fall for her acting until they get to know her.
These people often make friends easily because they can be quite charming but as soon as people are around them for a substantial amount of time they are found out and lose their new found friendships. It’s sad really. I personally feel that people who behave in this way have a mental illness.
Some people may fake something out of fear but it isn’t habitual. The people who continually do this are most likely mentally unstable and their actions aren’t driven by fear. They are delusional and sincerely believe that they are able to deceive others.
Your latest response to FedUp is funny 😆! I bet that you were a fast sprinter.
Your answer reminded me of a couple of things. I was also a very fast runner.
I could run around my house three times when daddy was trying to chase me to give me a spanking for something mom told him that I had done. He would wear himself out and couldn’t catch me.
Or I would run into the bathroom and lock the door. I always got the same warning, that when he did catch me it would be worse.
My brothers would do something and I would fight back. Mom always seemed to walk into the room when I was doing something and she didn’t see what happened five minutes before. So, I caught the blame most of the time.
People would always say that I must be the little princess being the only girl. I said, “No, growing up with brothers I learned how to defend myself!”
The only people that I couldn’t run from were the nuns at my school. Man, those rulers stung when we were hit on the hand. Thankfully, it didn’t happen too often.
Spanking kind of backfired though. I got used to those. I was more upset if I was grounded and couldn’t see my friends. My parents figured that out when I would ask for a spanking instead of being grounded.
So I'd be aware of that.
But OH YES have I seen the fakers too! To be cont..
It’s also sad when dementia is real and we aren’t familiar with the symptoms and miss the signs.
I know that my mom was struggling with dementia before I recognized that she was.
Your phrase 'abusive neediness' is excellent.
The Drama Queens who can't hold a spoon "I'll STARVE if you don't feed me!" yet feed themselves very well when their caregiver leaves the room..
The woman who could get out bed, could walk to the bathroom.. but if staff were present would stop to drop pants on the bedroom carpet & pee there "look how instantly incontinent I am".
Nasty.
I also remember the old man who drove himself to the building, walked inside, then turned feeble & requested someone to fetch a wheelchair to wheel him to his destination. OK maybe he couldn't walk too far I thought.. When that worked for 3 days running I noticed he added "I need a little help in the bathroom before I leave". If you can hold your steering wheel to drive Sir, you can certainly hold your penis to urinate.
Creep.
See All Answers