I am a full time caregiver to my mother with dementia. My youngest brother just passed and my mother is having trouble accepting the death and wakes up every morning seemingly reliving the morning we found out about my brother’s passing. Her doctor has put her on buspar and is keeping an eye on her. How do I help her prepare for the funeral?
My mother in law is on Buspar, and our experience is that it isn’t strong enough when facing/going through an extremely stressful situation. Her Dr. has given us an “emergency” prescription of 10 very low dose Xanax. Not saying your Mom needs this (my Mother in law ends up in the hospital because anxiety sets off her COPD) but a small dose of something extra really might be beneficial. That said, grief has to be worked through & can’t just be shut down with pills. How has his death affected her ability to function? Is her dementia to the point where she can’t really process facts & feelings? It’s impossible to sit here & say what your mom needs, but it might be best if she didn’t attend the funeral.
From my experience with loosing a child, it will hit you square in the face every morning, AND during the day, EVERY day for a while. It’s darn hard to process even with a normal, functioning brain.
My first thoughts were that it would be too traumatic for your mother to attend the funeral, which could perhaps be substituted by a memorial that celebrated his life but avoided the typical dirge type music that typifies a funeral and seems to enforce the sadness of the event.
I really don't know if there's any way to prepare a parent for the death of a child. And while I certainly understand the use of meds to help her through the anguish, I wonder if there isn't another approach, which is to, as I suggested, celebrate his life instead of focus on his death. And follow up with a lot of time and attention spent supporting your mother through the ensuing period of grief.
I wish you and your family peace and comfort during this trying time.
I would consider taking her to the funeral home when others are not there to have a private moment. Call the funeral home and ask when the best time would be.
If she doesn’t already use a wheelchair, she might need one, especially if she goes to the cemetery.
Ask a couple of younger men (who don’t have health issues of their own) to be on notice to help you should she collapse.
I am very sorry for your loss.