I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I am 21 and he is 25. His parents are in their late 60s. They have both had multiple strokes, both have diabetes, his mother had cancer, and his father has had both legs amputated. They both also have very limited memory. His mother has significant trouble getting around the house. My boyfriend originally lived in Chicago, but moved home to help them out considering they also have three elderly dogs that have trouble controlling their bladders. His dad recently had an infection and is the "sicker" of the two. He usually has to go to the ER once every few months. My boyfriend and I recently went on a vacation with his family and they were very adamant on inhome care. This is something I have brought up multiple times to him with limited success. Sometimes he is 100% against it. Other times, he says he will go find more information. I know he feels an obligation to them but it is not giving up to go seek some help. The problem is that his parents do not think they need help. They almost lost their properties due to forgetting to pay their taxes. They forget to pay bills. They forget...a lot of financial things. My boyfriend said they are very far into debt. He tells me that even with their disability and Medicare, that they still wouldn't be able to pay for the care they need. We are both so young and I want to be able to start a life with him and he tells me the same. But, we can't like this. I just want to be able to refer him to somewhere affordable or even covered. But, I don't know where to begin. I also wish there was a professional evaluator who could come in and assess and tell them if they actually need help or not.
Thank you.
To determine what kind of help and how much, BF can call the county's Human Services department and ask for a needs assessment. (It is free.) Or call the Area Agency on Aging and ask about getting a needs assessment.
They will probably be advised to apply for Medicaid. They will be told of any other programs available to help them.
I think you are right. You can't start life together like this. It is certainly admirable that BF is concerned about his parents. Encourage him to take the first steps toward getting suitable help for his parents. He can help them gather the various information needed for Medicaid application. Concern about his parents will always be a factor in his life, but once there are professionals involved in their care he should be able to go forward with his own life.
Also, Medicaid cannot force people to accept aid. If they determine that the parents are entitled to 3 hours of housekeeping per week and 20 hours of PCA help per week, they cannot insist that the parents use it. But getting the assessment might at least remove the objection "we can't afford it."