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It really is no ones business what a Will says.
Obviously everyone is aware of the change so her telling everyone is sort of moot.

My opinion though.....
What I do find unfair is that your mother is sentencing your elder sibling to another life sentence of caregiving.
I think finding a safe place for your Special Needs brother would be a wiser move. there are programs and ways that can help him.

I do have to ask...
With the change of the Will did mom also have papers done that makes your elder sibling POA for Health and Finance for your SN brother?
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Hothouseflower Feb 7, 2026
Yes but the older generation does not think that way. In my case My in laws assumed their daughters in law would be okay with caregiving our sister in law. They never made any financial provisions for their daughter. There was never a conversation about this issue. It should have been discussed before my husband and I married. If I knew this was expected of me I would never have married my husband.

We all lived in the same neighborhood and they just assumed it would always be that way. They did not realize our daughters would marry and live thousands of mikes away and thst we woukd want to be near our grandkids.

I jumped up and down and told my husband 40 years ago that I woukd not be doing this caregiving and his parents needed to make other arrangements. But I was not driving that bus and no one listened.

This issue destroyed our relationships with his brother and his family because his parents did this and refused to do anything. I don’t think the extended family thinks much of me but I don’t care what they think.
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Technically it's none of their business and it's sad that they are circling over her like vultures. But since she has a very compelling reason to provide for her special needs son, then I think it might be a wise preemptive move for her to explain to the others why she made this change so they hear it from her own mouth and particularly that the special needs son did not influence or coerce her to do it. She should also explain what would probably happen to this son if she doesn't attempt to provide for him after she's gone.

We have 3 sons and we have already told them that everything will be divided equally in thirds regardless of anyone's family size or financial situation because "fair" is a subjective concept and somebody will always think a different distribution is "unfair".
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Reply to Geaton777
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I commend your mother for giving this some consideration. My husband has a special needs sister. We essentially gave our portion of our inheritance of the house to my BIL because the sister is living with him. We didn’t want the money. I was never going to take care of his sister.

Yes she should tell everyone the changes she made and why. Unless you and the other siblings wants to take care of your sibling it seems only right.
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