My mother of sound mind at the age of 86 changed her will. Her previous will was to sell her house after she passes and divide the proceeds with her 5 children. My mother changed her will to reflect her son with special needs live in the house with an elder sibling after she passes. Of note, elder sibling already lives with my mother since my mother cannot live alone. Elder sibling is the caregiver and the only caregiver for my mother. This has caused major sibling conflict. Two of the siblings feel my mother should have told them of her interventions to change her will. I disagree. It is my mothers choice alone to make whatever changes she wants to make. It gives her great comfort that the special needs son is taken care of after her passing.
Obviously everyone is aware of the change so her telling everyone is sort of moot.
My opinion though.....
What I do find unfair is that your mother is sentencing your elder sibling to another life sentence of caregiving.
I think finding a safe place for your Special Needs brother would be a wiser move. there are programs and ways that can help him.
I do have to ask...
With the change of the Will did mom also have papers done that makes your elder sibling POA for Health and Finance for your SN brother?
We all lived in the same neighborhood and they just assumed it would always be that way. They did not realize our daughters would marry and live thousands of mikes away and thst we woukd want to be near our grandkids.
I jumped up and down and told my husband 40 years ago that I woukd not be doing this caregiving and his parents needed to make other arrangements. But I was not driving that bus and no one listened.
This issue destroyed our relationships with his brother and his family because his parents did this and refused to do anything. I don’t think the extended family thinks much of me but I don’t care what they think.
We have 3 sons and we have already told them that everything will be divided equally in thirds regardless of anyone's family size or financial situation because "fair" is a subjective concept and somebody will always think a different distribution is "unfair".
Yes she should tell everyone the changes she made and why. Unless you and the other siblings wants to take care of your sibling it seems only right.