I am primary on the medical POA for my mom. Mom was very recently diagnosed with dementia and was also temporarily in a wheelchair. My sister, who was not very involved by choice for years with my mom, has suddenly gotten involved....maybe too involved. She has found an independent social worker she is getting counsel from and they have put in place sitter/caregiver type services for cleaning, food prep, transportation, help with showering etc. Definitely needed and I am glad it is in place. However, I am wondering if this falls under the medical POA and therefore I should have been brought more into the discussion and decision-making on it. My sister intentionally cut me out of that process and the initial meeting of the SW with mom. If it does fall under medical POA, I need to rectify this and make it clear to the company they can coordinate with my sister on day to day activities but defer to me on decisions.
I would have preferred to find a Medicare certified company that could grow with her needs and have a team of caregivers, including a SW rather than this independent SW who I feel is really representing my sister's interests.
I don't think the POA sphere is your real problem. You like the outcome of your sister's actions and agree your mother needs the services, but you don't like sister got the job done without including you, although apparently she did keep you informed about what she was doing. You need to focus on working _with_ your sister and being thankful for her involvement instead of staking out a "control" position. When your sister takes on a task, she will probably not execute that task or work for the exact same result you would because she is a different person; different does not mean bad or worse. The outcome may be better or it could be slightly worse from a certain point of view. What matters is the result is workable for providing your mother with the care she needs. When your sister does something, let go of the reins and unless she comes up with something completely unworkable, say "thanks Sis". You have no control of your mother's age related declines, don't try to gain a feeling of being in control by trying to manage every detail of her care or your sister's contributions.