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So now in years 26 of taking care of aging parent/parents. Mom is now in stage 7a imo of dementia. High pitched shrieking, looking at her food, able to walk a few feet, thats about it. Its constant problems, how do we solve them - i was done several years ago. When does God take pity on the caregivers? How much longer can this go on?

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You need to place your mom in a care home. There is no reason to keep staying with her and taking care of her if it has been half your lifetime or so. She needs to be placed ASAP.
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Reply to JustAnon
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How frequent and long is the shrieking? That can be incredibly unnerving. I'm sorry you're exposed to that. But there is medication to calm this down. Imagine how unnerving it is for your mother to live with whatever is provoking this reaction. I have seen people like this in memory care and it made a huge difference in their quality of life when the right medication was prescribed. Have you and your sister asked her doctor(s) about this? It may take some trial and error but worth it to get this resolved for all three of you.
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Reply to MG8522
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Is mom medicated? If not, get her on something that will ease her anxiety and perhaps stop the shrieking at her food.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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I'm 15 years in. I think I have another 10-15 years to go. My mom is pretty much the same as your mom except she doesn't even look at the food or be able to walk. I spoon feed her and do her moving around for her. The shrieking is unsettling though. Unfortunately, it happens mostly in the middle of the night. During the day, she's pretty quiet.

Sure there are times when I can't take it anymore. When there's so much going on that it's too much. But most of the time I'm in a rhythm. You have to decide for yourself if you can't handle it anymore. If you can't, it's time to make arrangements. As a step towards that, in her condition, she can get on home hospice. That comes with 5 days of respite care for you every period. So for 5 days medicare will pay for your mom to be in a facility to be cared for. To give you a respite, a vacation, from it all. That gives you both a trial run into nursing homes.
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Reply to needtowashhair
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Valentine15 23 hours ago
I doubt she qualifies for home hospice yet. Thats an entire other consideration. Thats where I draw the line. Im not a caregiver to that extent. What will happen then is anyone's guess.
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Who has POA ?
If it’s you , place Mom.
If your sister is POA and won’t place Mom or hire help , that’s her problem. But either way your sister can not force you to keep doing this.
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Reply to waytomisery
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Is placing your mom in a facility that can meet her care needs an option?
does mom have the money to hire caregivers that will help you? I can tell you just a few days a week, 5,6, 7 hours each time is like having a vacation!
Have you checked your local Senior Service Center to see if there are programs that she or you may qualify for that can help with her care.
Is there an Adult Day program that she can attend? Usually they pick up participants in the morning and return them in the late afternoon. A breakfast, lunch and snack are provided. This gives you both a break.
I will say that at anytime mom is taken to the hospital you should tell a Social worker or a member of the medical team that you can no longer SAFELY care for her at home.
Safety is not just her safety but yours.
Safety is not just physical safety but emotional, mental safety.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Valentine15 Mar 18, 2026
Shes in my sister's house and she would never agree to that.
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26 years is unimaginable. It’s time to place your mother. I hope her ordeal
is over soon. That’s what I wish for my father who has dementia also. It can’t end soon enough.

I hope you can have your freedom and start enjoying your life. You deserve it. Best of luck,
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Time to place Mom.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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God gave you free will. Use it.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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God took pity on caregivers from the very start, by giving them good sense and the ability to protect themselves from decades of abusing their bodies and minds by deciding to place loved ones in managed care. And if that's not an option, for WHATEVER reason, He gives us the wisdom to change the things we're capable of changing. For example, you're not capable of changing sisters mind but you ARE capable of saying enough, and removing yourself from the insanity.

Depends on how you look at this. If it were me, I'd look at the situation as God telling me to leave the caregiving nightmare now and save the body and mind He gave you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Fawnby Mar 18, 2026
Great answer, Lealonnie!
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If you ask “when does God take pity on the caregivers”, you are assuming that God has no pity and is punishing you now. That is not what most Christians assume. God gives you the power to make reasonable choices for everyone involved. God does not speak through your sister.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Not meaning to be flippant, but God helps those who help themselves. I know you've written in the past about your sister guilt-tripping you and demanding that you help with her obsessive need to keep your mother alive. Isn't your mother about 100 now? Please just extricate yourself. Tell your sister that you are done, you are ready to enjoy your retirement with your husband, and that she can place you mother in memory care or a SNF, or hire the extra help to replace you at her own expense. Enough is enough. Seriously. You deserve so much better than this.
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Reply to MG8522
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Valentine15 Mar 18, 2026
Shes approaching 101. Sister becomes more worried about keeping her alive with each passing day.
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It ends when you say once and for all that enough is enough, and that you matter too in this situation.
Time for mom to go into a facility and dad too if he's still alive, so you can get back to just being their loving daughter and not their burned out, overwhelmed and exhausted caregiver.
And if money is an issue, you can apply for Medicaid for your parents.
I wish you well in finally making yourself a priority and stopping the nonsense of this caregiving that will kill you before it does your mom.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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God has nothing to do with it. We caregivers must take care of ourselves! Your mom’s severe symptoms indicate that she needs professional care in a facility. My husband is the exact same stage as your mom, and I am grateful everyday for his fine care at a memory care facility.

Please visit some and begin planning for mom to move into one. She’s way beyond your ability to care for her properly. Plus you need to get your own life! You matter too.
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Reply to Fawnby
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This can end for you to some degree by placing Mom in a care facility . You have God given power to help yourself , by giving up the hands on caregiving .
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