Does this sound like reasonable compensation?

Could you clarify your question a little bit? Your mother is living with you -- is that correct? And lawyers (yours? hers?) have suggested a total for room and board of $4,000/month.

I don't see any mention of compensation for actual care. If an outside agency is involved they won't be collecting room and board, will they?

I'm just very confused about the question.

I think you are one greedy SOB if you want $48K if you are at work 8 hours a day and sleep 8 hours at night. You are asking for $1000 a week for the remaining 8 hours.

My sister took in my mother and she sent the following to us as if it was normal. Now I am just trying to get a sense of what others think.

This is the previous post:

May 20, 2015:

"My sibling wants to charge the estate 48,000/year, in addition to 4000 for food/rent. And my sibling has another job so my mom will often be by herself. "

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/charge-parents-for-taking-them-in-181621.htm


I really don't know what to say because of the shock factor. $3K for rental - is this a mansion? $1k for food and utilities?

But the overriding issue is what I consider to be exploiting an elder by charging $4K a month when the caregiver isn't even going to be there when she's working at another job.

I didn't see in your previous post that you stated the $4k would be less than monthly rental in an AL, but in an AL your mother would have access to much more extensive care and activities and wouldn't be left alone while you're working.

So did your sister become the caregiver and/or are you now considering being the caregiver?

Put very bluntly, if you're looking for confirmation that this is reasonable, I think you might find that others think as Pam does, and I do, that this is exploitation.

Thank you for your feedback. When some of us questioned her and the compensation she became very defensive/angry when all along I think it was abusive/bullying. This carried on for many years. Then the family had to pay for in home health on top of the 48000 because she needed extra care. When my mom finally entered a nursing home my sister still compensated herself. Not as much... But still?

Your sister is a greedy and apparently very persuasive woman.

So are you looking to sue your sister?

This compensation would either be paid to me
or
to an outside agency to provide medical care.

Now we need clarification - you are talking medical help not care agency - they are separate issues.

my compensation is lower than what would be paid if mom were in an Assisted Living Facility.

That actually is no base to work from ALFs are businesses who need a profit to plough back into the homes or to give to shareholders - and it is not compensation you don't get compensation for caregiving. If you are making a CHOICE to have a loved one in your home it is not compensatory

The $48,000/yr is fair and equitable compensation at this point in time.

Using the wrong base it may seem so but I actually doubt it (critique here but will support later)

The lawyers feel that $1000 should go to groceries, telephone, gas, etc.

I assume your LO eats well on the finest food, phones globally and requires the whole house to be kept at a high temperature for such a fee. You should only e costing what additional cost it will be to your household and I cannot think it would be that high but hey perhaps the lawyers live in that sort of luxury, perhaps you do but we don't know

The other $3000 will be considered rental income. The breakdown of 1000/3000 is done for tax purposes.

This is very very high and is also NOT Accurate given that

Summers are spent at the aging parent's summer home where all food is paid for by the elderly parent. And the care giver works full-time from Sept. - June at another job so the aging parent mostly stays by herself.

SO 48000 is not for 12 months but for 10 months and I am assuming that during those summer months the elder relative doesn't charge for bed and board.

I think you need a far more exacting breakdown of costings that will allow flex.

Let me suggest this:

What is the cost of running your home without your Loved one?
What does it cost with your loved one?
Subtract the first from the second and that is the additional cost and that is their contribution to the home - a reasonable one. Many on here will say you should do it for love - baloney - if they can afford it then they should contribute - no individual child should bear the full costs when there are other children or parents that could afford to contribute and I stand by that statement.
BUT
You should also work out the costs of the stay in the summer in exactly the same way only in reverse for there are no costs attached there! And I couldn't see any mention of payment! Fair is fair

Then there is care/companionship. Now if the person is working full time for 10 months of the year (sounds like a teacher to me) AND someone is going in to care on a daily basis for even 5 hours a day then $3000 is not going to come close to the costs per month once you bolt on doctors appointments etc and then the person who is doing the care will also be caring at weekends for free.

However if the aging parent is being left alone as has been stated, then $3000 is a a lot of money. In the UK THE GOVERNMENT consider that if you earn less that 150 dollars a week you are entitled to about 90$ a week with an additional top up of 15$ a week for some people who have no other money - that means they put the value on familial care at a maximum of $105 a week. now even if I was generous and said OK $255 dollars a week I still don't see where the 3000 comes from unless it is for health insurances + agency care + medical expenses.

I think we need a little more clarification here

Eeeek I missed a comment and an important one : sorry dare 2 live......

When some of us questioned her and the compensation she became very defensive/angry - of course she did I bet she couldn't believe she had gotten away with it for so many years.

Then the family had to pay for in home health on top of the 48000 because she needed extra care see comments in previous post.

When my mom finally entered a nursing home my sister still compensated herself. erm what for? For visiting her Mum? For not having a lodger who paid premium prices for the privilege of being left alone?


Grrrrrrrrrr

Hell, I'll take care of her for 48,000 a year! My FIL, has been with us 11+years, and he contributes 600/room and board, and chips in for food as well, about 200/mo. He likes to feel like he is contributing, and frankly the money helps a lot. We take him out, whenever he likes, and take him to his many Dr's appointments. He is still able to save about 1500 per month of his income, and he has been generous buying a new roof for our home, as well as new living room furniture and a big screen TV. I wouldn't feel comfortable taking any more than that, due to his generosity, and it all works out well for us, for now. He knows that it would cost awhole lot more, lliving alone in a Senior apartment, or in assisted living,so as long as we can all continue to get along, and his health doesn't deteriorate beyond the scope of our care, we will plug along, and get outside help when the time comes

I forgot to mention that there are 5 other siblings and none of us had a say in any of it. And on top of it sister had free use of moms credit card. sister has been bullying siblings and now I'm thinking she reallyy