My father has heart failure and was referred to hospice from the hospital which was strange. They had him on morphine and lorazepam like candy. (He's not terminally ill nor in pain and he lives on his own and was independent.)
When I realized they had him on hospice, the nurse and social worker came and were gaslighting me into him needing a skilled nursing facility? I thought this was nuts since he was ok before hospice. Took him to the drs and his dr even said that it was insane he was on hospice... Well, hospice discharged him and I came to see him yesterday to find him passed out and so skinny. He's been drinking pints and pints a day of liquor bc he is now withdrawing from the morphine and lorazepam cold turkey since the hospice was stopped. He is in the hospital right now for detox and I don't know what to do... He is declining so fast since hospice and if he continues to drink, his sister (who he lives with) will kick him out, which she should bc he is a nightmare when he drinks but he will be homeless. I live w/ my bf, and my brother already tried having him live w/ him but it did not work out. My father also makes me feel bad when I don't go see him. He says things like, "You don't even care about me," and that's not true.... and he will just take my Xanax I am prescribed for my anxiety... My mother died suddenly and I am having trouble with prolonged and/or complicated grieving disorder and haven't been able to work or anything. This issue with my dad is making me physically sick. I have no one to talk to and I have no clue what to do....... sorry for the vent.... felt good to let it out lol :{
No one enters hospice without a discussion, without either their OWN (if competent) or POA's signing papers of agreement that they WANT hospice. They also never enter without MD agreement that they likely have fewer than 6 months to live.
CHF means Congestive Heart Failure. Dependent on ejection fractions for heart it can mean that end of life is approaching due to the failure of the heart to pump efficiently. I encourage your accessing the internet where there is a whole lot of information on Congestive Heart Failure.
Before going more into discussion my question to you is:
Is your Father competent?
Do you have POA for your Father? If you do not, who does.
My heart goes out to you and I am wishing you luck. But I do imagine you understand that your Father's alcoholism may mean that his very serious heart failure takes him sooner rather than later. I encourage you to go to Al-Anon where there will be many to support you, to help you understand what you can do to help, and what you cannot do to alter the situation without the determination of your Dad.
At this point, I don't think your the one who should be worrying about Dad. Its just one more stress you don't need. Seems this has been a lifelong problem.
As said, people are not put on Hospice without their permission. Morphine is used for ease of breathing.
You seem to have no idea what went on in the first Hospital Admittance. Hospice is not recommended by a doctor unless he/she sees the need for it. Its comfort care. Now he is in again, have your Dad sign permission for you or Aunt to talk to his doctors. Then ask questions. If Hospice is recommended again, ask why. Its a choice. If Dad does not want it, he does not need to take it. Aunt should be involved with any decision making since its her home. On Hospice, no medication should be given to the patient if they say they don't want it.
Hope things work out. Come back and tell us what happens.
Can you have Dad evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist while he is in the hospital detoxing? Maybe he is having acute depression and grieving from your mother's death? (If they were still married?).
Is he only 63?
(He's not terminally ill nor in pain and he lives on his own and was independent.) How true is this? You need to find out.
Sorry you are going through this seemingly impossible situation. If you are able to peel away the layers, and left with your father trying to drink himself to death, (if that is what is happening), it would still be an impossible situation.
As far as it concerns you, make sure your father never has access to your prescription medications. And if the goal is detox, make sure no one is providing any alcohol to him. imo.
Keep talking, hoping that will help you. Back away from any activities that are making you sick.
But now with how bad his condition is getting I'm almost certain he won't stop drinking and maybe he should be on hospice .. a part of me feels like he has given up no matter what he tells me or the Dr ..
If Hospice is recommended, you make sure you understand what will happen. Medicare online will tell you what Hospice entails and your rights. Understand that Hospice is care for end of life. Dad will be taken off of any life sustaining meds. He will get pain meds for the pain. Again, Morphine is used to ease breathing. There will comeca time when the body will start shutting down. Swallowing is the first thing to go. Trying to eat or drink is not a good thing because the body no longer processes it. Does more harm than good. Death is inevitable so be ready for it.
I was my mom's caregiver when died of CHF. She had it for well over 10 years, managed very well with medication. But then about 2 years before she passed, she contracted walking pneumonia and that was the beginning of the end.
After another 18 months of revolving door visits to the ER/hospital/rehab, she decided to stop seeking life-extending medical intervention and entered hospice; she passed 8 weeks later.
Your dad says he wants to live, but his actions certainly aren't in line with that, are they? He's abusing alcohol; and reading between the lines, it seems he's been doing that for many years now ("He is declining so fast since hospice and if he continues to drink, his sister (who he lives with) will kick him out, which she should bc he is a nightmare when he drinks but he will be homeless."). You say he has also taken YOUR prescription medication in the past. All of those things are bad enough alone, but combined with heart failure? That's a recipe for medical disaster.
Congestive heart failure can be a painful way to die. The heart can't pump blood efficiently, and your body starts to suffer from "oxygen starvation" - that's where the morphine and Ativan that hospice supplies come into play. They relieve both the pain and the anxiety of the body not getting enough oxygen. The tiny bottles that hospice supplied to my mom in her comfort care pack weren't even enough to cause an overdose given all at once, much less addiction.
If you're seriously considering taking dad in with you, then please educate yourself on CHF and the use of pain medication at the end of life. If we had not taken advantage of hospice for my mom, her last few days would have been excruciating for her - and for us, who would have had to witness it.
Good luck and prayers.