When one sibling was courageous enough to suggest Mom re-consider getting some cognitive testing, she became ballistic armed with sibling and spouse protective attitudes and enabling. Sadly Dad is overlooked entirely, with his worries for the future, seemingly sworn to silence. We were all a close family. How to live respecting her wishes while doing nothing? We know it is fear and pride and pray we are soo wrong.
One way to help families who are at odds is family mediators. This may seem extreme, and for your family it may be, but what it entails is that a third party - generally hired through a family services agency (nonprofit) - sits with the family to discuss the issues and suggest alternatives. This person is often a social worker with a lot of knowledge in the area that you are concerned about.
People are often less defensive when a third party is present, which can keep conversations on track. This is something to think about if you see no way around the family turmoil.
We're wishing you the best,
Carol
A line i used on my mom once..." you're too smart to do something this stupid". The issue at hand had to do with breast cancer, but it's always fear driving the denial and avoidance.
especially with advanced age.
But many keep their mental powers until death.
Here are four forms of possible decline:
(1) consciousness and self-awareness,
(2) memory,
(3) language and communication,
(4) autonomy.
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/CY-PER-D.html
But, yes, you can all get together and work for the common good. But everyone has to agree to disagree. So, you may find that in your particular situation, no, there may never be complete agreement.
We never tried "mediation" but I would certainly consider it if my mother became so fragile she wasn't safe living in her apt. with just my brother's family there. (Brother is intent on keeping her at home "no matter what".)
If your mother is sound enough of mind to understand that she was to undergo a mental assessment, I can see why she'd be upset. Esp with your dad being alive and involved. Talk to him, see what he thinks. You can't really yank her out of the house and force her into testing. Agree to disagree and try to be calm and patient. Maybe right now is not the time. I don't really know of any families of more than 2 siblings all being in agreement about a parent's care. So, you're not alone. At least people care.
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