My cousin put my mother in a nursing home after my dad passed and will not tell anyone where she is. She is waiting for her to die so she can gain the financial wealth. I don't care about that, I want to see my mother. I tried to file a missing person report but police say I can't, because this relative knows where she is at.
I have not been in touch with my parents for about 5 years due to the abuse in the family home. Whenever I returned to visit it was the same abuse. I finally told my mom I wanted a relationship with her, but not my dad. My mom was very dependent on my dad, and his strict rules. He would make life horrible for her if she continued to have a relationship with me.
Five years have gone by and I found out recently that my dad died 2 years ago. My cousin did not let anyone know. I found out when I searched the internet for my name to look for false reporting. Then I started searching for my mom and found out that her address had been changed to my cousin’s home address. Police can't help, because no laws have been broken. I have called dozens of nursing homes, but have not located her.
My mom is 91-years-old and I would like to be there for her. My plan was to take care of her if my dad died. Since I was not informed of his death, my cousin swooped in and took over.
I have hired a PI, but she has not found anything. She can trace my cousin’s car, but it has not been anywhere near a nursing home.
Any suggestions I would be grateful for.
Sounds like during the past five years your cousin has been caring for your parents. Being a caregiver is very exhausting work with very little "me time". So I can fully understand why your cousin has kept you out of the loop. Sorry for the tough love here.
Since your Mom is now in a nursing home, that tells me that there are medical issues and/or possibly dementia that now require a "village" to look after your Mom. Nursing homes only take patients that need around the clock care. My Mom was in a nursing home as it would have been impossible for me to do all the work that require 3-shifts per day of trained and experienced employees.
Since the Private Detective was unable to get the information you wanted, you will need to get back into good grace with your cousin. Then, and only then, will she tell you where your Mom is living.
You've talked to a PI and got no where. Not sure what you think a forum of anonymous, non-professionals can give you... you didn't even fill out your profile... don't know what state everything took place in.
Also, we are only getting your side of the story. You make an accusation that Karen is after money, but who knows if this is really true.
"My plan was to take care of her if my dad died." But you haven't had contact with her for 5 years so no one was privy to this "plan" that your Mom and her legal representative didn't agree to. Maybe your Mom is actually a ward of a court-assigned legal guardian and that's why Karen's car hasn't been near a NH.
Your only recourse is to make nice with Karen.
I'm sorry now that i even reached out, as there is no way to add all the history. You don't need the history and I didn't ask you for you to provide your thoughts about the situation. I do understand why you all think the way you do, but you have not walked in my shoes and have not been in this situation.
Why are you judging me? Why are you giving me advice, and assuming I don't know this information. All I asked for is recommendations on something else to try, for finding my mom. You don't know me, only what i have said, then you add your own narrative like you know the whole story. All I asked for is recommendations for finding my mother in a Nursing home. There is no reason to explain to you the crap that Karen has done. That does not help me find my mother, so no you don't need to know that. I'm trying to take the high road, and take legal steps. Based on experiences other people have had, i thought maybe someone could recommend something else for me to try. Perhaps I had not thought of that.
Thought there might be some compassion, even if you don't know the whole story. I know there are two sides to a story, but i gave you my perspective, and was asking for recommendations based on that.
You had no contact with your parents for 5 years because of abuse and that is understandable. I assume just phoning your mother was not an option to keep the lines of communication open? Your cousin stepped up and took care of the situation. When your Dad died, why didn't your mom reach out to you?
I'm sorry now that i even reached out, as there is no way to add all the history. You don't need the history and I didn't ask you for you to provide your thoughts about the situation. I do understand why you all think the way you do, but you have not walked in my shoes and have not been in this situation.
Why are you judging me? Why are you giving me advice, and assuming I don't know this information. All I asked for is recommendations on something else to try, for finding my mom. You don't know me, only what i have said, then you add your own narrative like you know the whole story. All I asked for is recommendations for finding my mother in a Nursing home. There is no reason to explain to you the crap that Karen has done. That does not help me find my mother, so no you don't need to know that. I'm trying to take the high road, and take legal steps. Based on experiences other people have had, i thought maybe someone could recommend something else for me to try. Perhaps I had not thought of that.
Thought there might be some compassion, even if you don't know the whole story. I know there are two sides to a story, but i gave you my perspective, and was asking for recommendations based on that.
"Hello, I'd like to speak to Mrs. Susan Jones." The nursing home will put you through if they have a Mrs. Susan Jones. If not, go to the next one.